Christmas season at last!

We last left our heroine amidst many papers, a new relationship, and some conflicts needing resolution. Where is she now, you ask. Stay tuned to find out...

Thanksgiving break flew by way too quickly, of course. There was some work, lots of family time, got to see some friends, got a bit of homework done, some reading for fun, and got to do some shopping and cooking. Oh, and I got to see Twilight, which I enjoyed. I can hardly wait to read the book over Christmas break. The week kind of ended on a low note, but getting back to school was a definite plus...especially with the weather that delayed many people from getting back on time. I was lucky to fly out when I did.

Things have been crazy with it being the last few weeks of the semester, and not just from the work. I've been trying to figure things out with getting an advisor and registering for classes and that kinda stuff. Let me tell ya...if you decide to transfer schools, do it before midterm. The more time you have to work with that stuff, the better.

I also am starting the path towards adult instruction and baptism. I've talked to the campus pastor, and we're going to get things going on that. That's been on my heart for a while, so being on that path is extremely exciting for me! I literally was bouncing in my chair when I was talking to the pastor. He's like, "Do you always bounce like that?" Why yes, yes I do...especially when I am geeked about something.

Speaking of being geeked, I am a very blessed and very happy girl. My boyfriend is amazing...he definitely exceeds my dreams and what I dared to hope for. He is funny, sweet, compassionate, spontaneous, intellectual, and (most importantly) a man of faith. We mesh crazy-well, and our relationship has not ceased to grow every single day. He is my friend, my accountability partner, my complementary, and my supporter; I strive to be all of these things to him. I am thankful for every single day with him. We can just talk for hours together, and it doesn't get boring. I can now look back on all of the times I cried over a guy and the pain he caused, the times things didn't work out like I thought they should, the times where I was caught up in the wrong motives and suffered due to poor judgment, the flings, and the loneliness of being single, and I know that it has brought me an appreciation for what we have, and especially for this amazing guy. =o)

Hang in there for the rest of the semester, guys. We've been through it plenty of times now that we know the drill, but we still tend to stress more than we should. Make sure you're taking time for relaxing and doing things to keep yourself sane right now!

By the way, Christmas time is my favorite time of year...I am so happy it's finally here!

~"I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose, clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose..." ["I Will Remember You" - Sarah McLachlan]~

Happiness and poetry.

It's been a great past few week...wandering bookstores, seeing Fireproof (a great movie that I'd recommend to any and everyone...especially those in a relationship), ice skating, going to the mall, going out to eat a few times, making pancakes, and IM volleyball. There are some things that still need resolution, and these things are kind of burdening my heart right now, but hey, you know what? I'm not stressing. It'll work out.

It's also been ridiculously amazing with my boyfriend...it just all fits, y'know? We're off to an extremely promising start. I'm a blessed girl. =o)

The next few weeks are going to be crazy with the amount of reading for one class alone, not to mention some papers that need writing and a presentation that needs researching. I say bring. it. on.

I can't believe we're down to the last month of the semester already, though...it sure did fly by.

Aaaand leaving off with a poem today...=o)

Simples
by James Joyce

O bella bionda,
Sei come l'onda!

Of cool sweet dew and radiance mild
The moon a web of silence weaves
In the still garden where a child
Gathers the simple salad leaves.

A moondew stars her hanging hair
And moonlight kisses her young brow
And, gathering, she sings an air:
Fair as the wave is, fair, art thou!

Be mine, I pray, a waxen ear
To shield me from her childish croon
And mine a shielded heart for her
Who gathers simples of the moon.

Ouch.

I hate to admit it, but I am hurt. I am happy about my decision and feel no regrets about this transfer -- which is good, because it's too late to turn back now that I'm officially accepted -- but I was wrong in where I placed my trust in the reactions and support of those around me. The people I thought would have the worst reactions had the best, and somebody I truly thought would be happy for me is anything but.

I wish it didn't bug me like this.

I wish even more that it wasn't this way...especially when I am the happiest I have been in quite a while, and things are falling into place for amazing things. This wouldn't happen if I were still in Chicago.

~"Love is a movement. Love is a revolution." ["Love Is A Movement] - Switchfoot]~

Only by faith.

While I'm not ready to give full details yet because there are some people who I need to talk to about this first, allow me to say that things are good right now. No, things are more than that...they are great. I've gotten a lot figured out in the past few days, but the pieces have been coming together for quite a while. It's a great feeling. Granted, with these resolved things come a whole host of new unknowns to face, but they are not unconquerable. I have a pretty amazing God by my side, and His plans have always been better than mine, so I know that whatever happens will work out for the best...and just in case there was any more doubt there, I just have to look back on how things have gone the past few days to be reminded.

Anyways, I've been going to church regularly out here at a church across the street from campus, today being the celebration All Saints Day. It really hit me hard...it brought back some memories I have been trying (and succeeding) to repress for some time, good and bad, and it also made my heart ache for a friend whose father was killed just last week in a car crash. I was really frustrated at first and even had a thought or two about leaving because of how uncomfortable I was, but then I realized, Hey, this is part of a good congregation...there are bad things in this life, and we can't pretend like they don't exist on Sunday mornings while we are worshiping. No, no. That's not conducive to being built up in faith. Things like death do exist, they do rock us to our very core (if you've known me for a while, you've seen this in my own life), they do cause us pain that we don't know what to do with, they can cause us to lose our way in faith. What's more important, however, is that the same things that threaten to destroy us are the very things which strengthen our faith. This is why we can't avoid these sermons that make bring the pain to the surface again. Although the pastor's sermon nearly made me break down, the words within it built me up once more and let me reconnect with the joy that came with that shattering situation...that joy that Heaven is greater than we can imagine, and all of those saints who have passed from this world into the next have their own beautiful place in Heaven where they are in an amazing place. The pastor asked us why we would want to have our loved ones back from this glorious experience and instead prompted us to look forward to the day where we can share their Heavenly experience with them.

What I love the most about this sermon? The timing. You never stop having waves of sorrow or regret for the lost times or times you could have with people that you've lost. Well, God works in mysterious ways, and having just watched The Notebook last night and this being the 2nd, two big reminders of the two people I miss most, I couldn't have prayed for better timing on this.

~"Heaven is a wonderful place, filled with glory and grace. When I get to Heaven, gonna see God's face. Heaven is a wonderful place." (a song we used to sing in middle school in chapel...)~

Connecting and reconnecting.

So this weekend I went on a roadtrip to Denver with a few friends to see a hockey game -- the Colorado Avalanche. It was, oddly enough, the quintessential college roadtrip. That's what one of my friends and I decided. We drove hours to get there, got bumped up to better seats (CRAZY cool), saw an absolutely stunning victory (overtime AND a shootout!), stopped and took some random pictures along the way, and now I'm in the midst of an all-nighter to write a paper. So worth it. =o)

On a random note, I'm sick of not having the courage to listen to my own heart and do something about it. Now's the time for that to change. What fun are regretful "what ifs"?

I've been touched again by "First Time" by Lifehouse over the past week, especially after this weekend, so how 'bout some lyrics?

We're both looking for something
That we've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

[Chorus]
Looking at you, holding my breath,
For once in my life I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance letting you inside.

I'm feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Well maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
Can feel for the first time

The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

[Chorus]

We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home

[Chorus]

Like being in love she said for the first time
Like being in love can feel for the first time

Fall(ing).

I adore this season. I always forget just how much I enjoy inhaling that unmatchable smell of the leaves that are lying on the ground in wait, just inviting everything from being raked to being crunched under shoes. The colors and the way they creep in and merge and coincide with one another, slowly seeping into unsuspecting green leaves, leave me in awe. I love the blemish-free blue skies, freed from the patterns of intruding white clouds. I almost hesitate to use the word "crisp" to describe things outside of the food realm, but the breeze truly holds a crisp aspect to it as it whisks through my hair while I walk around campus. I can't help but take a deep breath and smile, relishing the splendor that is autumn.

I've come to the realization that I am afraid to fall again. Wait, no, that's not it. I'm afraid to fall for the wrong thing again. I don't want to put my heart on the line even in the slightest bit anymore if it's not going to be worth it. It goes deeper than not wanting to be hurt anymore though by somebody who turns out to be a jerk; I don't want to be a jerk to any guy again. After some conversations with a few close friends, I've come to understand a little bit more about myself though, and my dating tendencies, and I don't know what's worth it any more and what's not. I keep praying for God's will here, but I can't help but hope that I don't end up having to wait years for the guy who is worth it. I've given up my idea of being engaged by the time I'm out of college, but it'd be nice to at least have something by graduation so I don't feel like a total failure at this game.

~"In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds morning, and is refreshed." [Khalil Gibran]~

Little kids and love.

What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . .

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes.


A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think.


'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.
'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.


He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.
'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
'

Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.
'

Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
'

Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.


Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.


When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'