Life with the Old Man Dog

Little known fact: I love dogs...especially three special ones that we call our own. Okay, fine, you knew that.

...but did you know that I used to be deeply terrified of them? True story. My brother used to let my grandparents' Newfoundland (aka the sweetest dog in the world, or so I'm told...) out to chase me. To him? Hilarious. To the dog? Playtime. To me? "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

Our three boys are at three different stages of life:

Scout is the "baby" of the family at just over 2 years old. That's basically like a teenager in the dog world, and he's got the sass and stubbornness to prove it.

Danny is the "middle child" at 7 years old. He's like the young adult male who is still young enough to act wild and crazy like a kid yet old enough to tell Scout when enough's enough. Technically he's a senior dog now, though, which is hard to imagine. He was still on the outskirts of puppyhood when I met him.

Squirt is my "first baby" and is also 11 years old. That makes him the old man of the group.

Oh, living with a geriatric dog is a constant learning process. I am now an awesome mess-of-various-kinds cleaner, nurse, and doggy-diaperer. I'm also learning more about dog psychology. Basically some dogs just lose their marbles when they get old. Squirt selectively loses both his marbles and his hearing.

Case #1: He gets tucked into his crate for the night after a snack. He settles in and watches me cozy up in my bed. I turn off the light, and a minute (or so) later he starts whining. Dog psychology says the marbles that tell him I'm still there are gone, and this causes his separation anxiety to kick in until I talk to him. Sometimes he forgets this multiple times a night. Sometimes he forgets a few times and thinks he has to go potty. On a good night he forgets, has to go potty, and wakes everyone up because he's thirsty.

(I joke with people that this is why we don't have children, but it sure doesn't seem funny in the middle of the night getting woken up from a sound sleep. But seriously, we're getting an idea of what we're in store for here, people.)

Case #2: He can't hear you call his name, "outside", or remember what it means to "sit", but man, he knows the sound of someone opening the string cheese. Regardless of where you are or how quietly you peel that wrapper, he's there in a flash to ask, "I can haz cheez?" with gusto - panting, dancing, ears attentively pointed, the whole nine yards. Then not 5 minutes after a cheese snack and potty break he can come in, hear me calling him, and run around almost the whole upstairs before he figures out where my voice is coming from. Explain that one to me.

Case 3: Last night he snuck around the gate to the basement stairs, walked into his downstairs crate (where he stays when we leave the house), laid down on his blankie, and began to bark like we had dared put him in there and leave him behind as we left the house. All of that racket while the door behind him stayed wide open. And just calling him to get him to come up was not enough. Neither was standing at the top of the stairs and calling him so he could see me. Nope, he only figured out that the door was not shut after pawing at it like he does when we do shut him in. He came running up and impatient with me like I was the one who put him in there.

I'm sure these aren't the last of the stories that our Old Man Dog will give us. I poke fun at him, but in reality I know that each day with our Old Man is a gift. We wouldn't trade him for anything (no matter what my husband tries to say!).

Get(ting) Real: Just Being Me

I've always been pretty shy. If it weren't for those people blessed with an outgoing nature, I'd have no friends. Imagine my relief when I found out about the word "introvert" and realized that I wasn't alone in this world.

My husband laughs at me when I try to tell him I'm introverted, but I still am. The only difference is that I've learned how to pretend that I'm not. I chose a career that is very people-oriented...but the small people don't scare me, just the Grown Up People.

Ironically, for being an introvert, I've really loved blogging. I think it's the idea that I can hide behind a computer screen and share my thoughts without actually holding a conversation. I value the comments and feedback to my posts, but I also am not offended if I don't get any of that on what I share.

I can't believe how long I've had this blog, either. I was reading back through random posts from over the years, and I'm so thankful to have snapshots of who I was and what life was like at those times. I'm sad that I trailed off, but I have my personal journals as snapshots of those times, too. Every day until now has shaped who I am today, and I may not always be proud of each decision but I'm glad to be where I am right now. I know that I'm not perfect, but each day is full of opportunities to grow.

I've toyed with the idea of starting a new blog for some time now. I even went so far over the past few days as to set up two new blogs on two different blogging sites. I have picked up this fear that someone will come along to read this and will get bored enough to look back through the years and suddenly get offended by something Old Me wrote. I have awful visions that somehow I'll be outed as a secretly terrible person, and I'll lose my job and friends and...I know it's silly not to blog or to start over again over a thought like that, but I feel like nowadays it's too easy for people to find even the tiniest thing to get worked up over. I don't want to put myself in that position. I began to feel the need to brace myself to apologize for something that may upset someone, and I posted less to avoid that.

And yet...I don't want to give in to fear. I don't want to make assumptions about what other people may or may not be thinking about me. I can't blow off something I enjoy doing for the sake of preventing problems that may not even ever happen. That's just silly.

Some people who are stopping by have been around since before the beginning of this blog. Some have entered my life at some point along the way. Regardless of when you've come into my life and ventured forth into my tiny corner of the Internet world, you are getting to see me here. I don't promise to be perfect, and sometimes I may be the only one laughing at my jokes, but this is real.

And you know what else is real? Yes, there are some people out there who need a life beyond seeking out things to get mad about, but there are far more awesome people out there who are willing to humor you and listen once in a while (or in this case, read). There are plenty of people who are supportive, encouraging, and loving out there. It's time to shift my thinking and see that there are people who enjoy reading this stuff, and sometimes it's even helpful. But most of all, I need to remember that I never started writing to make other people happy; I write because it makes me happy to put words together, contemplate things, and share what I think.

Music Monday: Hawaiian Style

Today I'm sharing with you one of my absolute favorite songs of all time. Not only is it stunningly beautiful in lyrics, voice, and instrumentals, but it also holds a lot of sentimental value for me.

First of all, I can't say enough about how awesome ukulele music is. It just always seems so joyful and carefree, and it's contagious. This is one of those songs I turn on when I'm stressed out or grumpy, and it usually does the trick. I can't help but envision an island with a gorgeous beach and ocean waves crashing on the shore while I'm listening to it.

Secondly, it had a role in our wedding. On the RSVP card we added a line asking our guests for a song that made them feel like dancing, and my dear sister-in-law responded with a great list of songs. Her list included this song and a note about how their dad loved this song. I wanted to include it as a way to honor him that day. I got to watch my husband and mother-in-law dance to it while I held hands with my sister-in-law, and it was a powerful, emotional moment in time. To be honest, that was one of my favorite parts of our wedding day.

Then the wildest thing happened at my sister-in-law's wedding. There was a ukulele player doing a fabulous job with music during the ceremony and for a little bit afterwards. While we were congratulating the newlyweds, he began to play this song. It made me tear up because of how perfect it seemed to hear it again in such a happy, beautiful time. It's also pretty fun to have something in common between our weddings like that.

I bet you can imagine how excited I was to find a beautiful t-shirt that included the words "Somewhere over the rainbow" on the front while we were in Hawaii. :)

So here's one of the most beautiful songs of all time, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Beautiful World" by Hawaii's own Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole, aka IZ.

I dare you to turn it on during the week if you find yourself stressed out. I bet you won't stay stressed for long after your short "island vacation" song.

Trust

I feel that voice answering me after many, many prayers.

It's not a clear answer. It's not a loud, definite command.

It's a delicate whisper.

Trust me.
Remember I am with you wherever you go. 

"Yes, that's true, but which way do I go, Lord?" I ask.

Wherever you go is where you should be.
I have great things in store for you. 
Trust me. 
I'm here. 
I will not leave you. 

Strangely I am encouraged as I move forward on the dark, foggy path before me. I go with the Light and therefore go with everything I need.

Trust.