I've always been pretty shy. If it weren't for those people blessed with an outgoing nature, I'd have no friends. Imagine my relief when I found out about the word "introvert" and realized that I wasn't alone in this world.
My husband laughs at me when I try to tell him I'm introverted, but I still am. The only difference is that I've learned how to pretend that I'm not. I chose a career that is very people-oriented...but the small people don't scare me, just the Grown Up People.
Ironically, for being an introvert, I've really loved blogging. I think it's the idea that I can hide behind a computer screen and share my thoughts without actually holding a conversation. I value the comments and feedback to my posts, but I also am not offended if I don't get any of that on what I share.
I can't believe how long I've had this blog, either. I was reading back through random posts from over the years, and I'm so thankful to have snapshots of who I was and what life was like at those times. I'm sad that I trailed off, but I have my personal journals as snapshots of those times, too. Every day until now has shaped who I am today, and I may not always be proud of each decision but I'm glad to be where I am right now. I know that I'm not perfect, but each day is full of opportunities to grow.
I've toyed with the idea of starting a new blog for some time now. I even went so far over the past few days as to set up two new blogs on two different blogging sites. I have picked up this fear that someone will come along to read this and will get bored enough to look back through the years and suddenly get offended by something Old Me wrote. I have awful visions that somehow I'll be outed as a secretly terrible person, and I'll lose my job and friends and...I know it's silly not to blog or to start over again over a thought like that, but I feel like nowadays it's too easy for people to find even the tiniest thing to get worked up over. I don't want to put myself in that position. I began to feel the need to brace myself to apologize for something that may upset someone, and I posted less to avoid that.
And yet...I don't want to give in to fear. I don't want to make assumptions about what other people may or may not be thinking about me. I can't blow off something I enjoy doing for the sake of preventing problems that may not even ever happen. That's just silly.
Some people who are stopping by have been around since before the beginning of this blog. Some have entered my life at some point along the way. Regardless of when you've come into my life and ventured forth into my tiny corner of the Internet world, you are getting to see me here. I don't promise to be perfect, and sometimes I may be the only one laughing at my jokes, but this is real.
And you know what else is real? Yes, there are some people out there who need a life beyond seeking out things to get mad about, but there are far more awesome people out there who are willing to humor you and listen once in a while (or in this case, read). There are plenty of people who are supportive, encouraging, and loving out there. It's time to shift my thinking and see that there are people who enjoy reading this stuff, and sometimes it's even helpful. But most of all, I need to remember that I never started writing to make other people happy; I write because it makes me happy to put words together, contemplate things, and share what I think.
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