First Impressions

5th graders aren't as terrifying as I thought. This looks promising.

I'm jumping into this feet-first. I don't know precisely what I'm doing, but that's okay. I'm in this to learn as much as possible. I'm going to mess up, but I'm not going to walk away regretting anything if I can help it.

I got in there today feeling nervous, but it really wasn't as scary as I thought. I felt way more prepared than I expected. I just told myself to enjoy it, and I did. The students were friendly, fun, and sometimes downright hilarious. It's a big shift from preschoolers, but I found that it's not impossible. I asked a lot of questions, and I think that made a difference. My co-op is really laid-back and helpful, and I think we'll get along well.

This really is a teaching semester. I have my 5th graders everyday, the college freshman on Tuesdays (and a few other times when our class has activities) for the peer instructor gig, and 2nd graders on Sunday. I'm going to be adding a lot to the teacher arsenal. :)

~"Unless you kill a kid, there's always tomorrow." [-Anthony Rainey]~

Beginning The End

It's been a week of transitions and changes. I got to go home for a week, and it was fantastic. I got the most quality time with my family since December. I kept getting some lyrics from Miranda Lambert's "The House That Built Me" stuck in my head: "You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can. I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am." I love regaining perspective when I'm home.

Moved back into the dorms, too. To be honest, that's been a bit rocky. I was so used to living in a bigger space than this, and it's hard to go back. My roommate and I both lived in houses over the summer, and it hasn't been easy for us both to get used to a confined space again...especially a shared confined space. We're working it out, though, and getting things in order has definitely helped.

This week has been hectic with settling in, methods classes, PI work for freshman seminar class, and workshops to prepare for next week. The first day in the classroom with the 5th graders is looming over my head. I have a confession to make, though: I met my co-op and saw the classroom, and now I'm looking forward to it even more. I'm also a lot more nervous. It'll be better after Monday, and even better than that after next week is finished.

This semester's already off to such a great start, albeit busy, and I'm feelin' good about it. I feel like I'm going to really go big this semester(...or go home, lol).

~"We are talking about children, not Hallmark cards...the only difference is we can't mail them away, although sometimes we want to." [-Andrew Rainey, a speaker at our workshop today]~

Tangible Home

It's funny how "home" becomes such an abstract term once you hit the transition from kid into adult.

Or does it?

Home for me is a conglomeration of smells, sounds, and sights, but it's also the people and feelings that come along with it. It's my landmarks on the drive between Mom's and Dad's. It's the clean laundry and air freshener smells that hit me when I walk into my dad's. It's the cooking and cigarette smells right when I open the back door to my mom's. It's the park my cousins and I used to walk to all the time when we were younger. It's the sound of trains in the distance and highway traffic beyond the front yard. It's the noise of kids, dogs, and talking when I walk into my aunt's house. It's where I can be the most relaxed, have fun, and just be. It's where I don't have to feel the pressure of fitting into expectations.

So is home really "abstract"? Okay, fine, that's one way to look at it, but I prefer to think of it as a real and expanding concept. Home started with my family. Home will always mean my family, but now I've been lucky enough to find some spectacular friends along the way who are also home to me. The things that take me back to that relaxed, blissful feeling are part of a growing list.

~"Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule." [-Frederick W. Robertson]~

LOOK! A BONUS QUOTE!!

~ "Home is a place not only of strong affections, but of entire unreserve; it is life's undress rehearsal, its backroom, its dressing room. [- Harriet Beecher Stowe]~

The End's in Sight.

Few things bring more joy and smiles into each day than the love, laughter, and hugs of young children.

One of my favorite things about working in the preschool has been that for every moment of frustration, there are at least 3 reasons to smile. Another is just how amazingly honest and pure they are. They show their frustration, their joy, their LOVE without restraint. As much as it's not always an easy thing to deal with ("Use your words to tell him you're angry, not your hands" is a daily mantra), it certainly is admirable.

They certainly aren't afraid to tell it like it is. A speaker I once heard talked about how she always knew when she really looked good because her students would say, "I really like your outfit!" (or some similar thing). When someone said they were probably just sucking up, she said, "Oh no. They also have no problem looking at me and saying, 'That shirt is UUUUG-LY!'" When one of my preschoolers looks up at me and says, "I love you, Miss Michelle," you'd better believe that I take those words to heart and trust them.

My last shift with my preschoolers is tomorrow. I have 4 hours with them in the afternoon, from the time they get woken up from nap (it'd be a lie to say "wakes up from nap" cuz not many of them wake up voluntarily) 'til the time they go home. I have a deal with myself: if I do not cry [until I get outside the building], I will get ice cream.

~"Did you ever stop to think or wonder why the nearest thing to Heaven is a child?" ["Thank God for Kids" - Kenny Chesney]~

Goodbye, Preschool...

I turned in my letter for my last day at the preschool. I can't technically have a job during student teaching, and as much as that makes sense, I really am bummed to be leaving this place. I would have stayed on for this year in a heartbeat. I almost cried when I had to do it (which doesn't bode well for my last day with the kids at all).

I've had the chance to work with some truly amazing people whom I have learned a lot from (not just about work), and I've come to value their friendships.

I've gotten to develop some truly great relationships with the kids, too, and have loved to see those relationships grow over the course of nearly a year. I can't even begin to tell you how often preschooler hugs have turned a day around for me, how many priceless things I've laughed about with them, how many times they have astounded me with the way they think or play or wonder. I have learned much more from them than I ever thought I could.

Getting to work here has brought so many stories, but also so much of me. I've gone through a lot of laughter and frustration, but I've loved every single bit of it. I feel better prepared for teaching, for being a mom someday (although I hope I never have 16-20 children of my own running around at once...esp. not all 3-5 yrs old), being a coworker, and even just being a friend. It's helped me recognize talents I didn't even know I had, develop areas I was weak in, and boosted my confidence. It made me realize that I'm capable when it comes to working with children (and other adults).

Most of all, it confirmed how much I love what I'm setting out to do. I love those kids, and I love getting to work with them every day, and I can't wait until I can do it for a real, full-time living.

~"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." ["Closing Time"-Semisonic]~