Silence is Golden

source: pinterest

I love knowing when someone is trying to get a reaction out of me and I can check my emotion before I explode. I may not always be silent, but a simple and calm "Okay" ranks right up there.

Yeah, that's definitely the Holy Spirit at work in me, though - because I definitely am not a peaceful person on my own.

There is something deeply satisfying later on when I'm able to look back and say, "Yup, I did what I could."

That to me is a win. 

And I'm extremely competitive. 

2,170 Miles

This time next week that will be the total number of miles in 8 days that I'll have traveled to see family.

Most of that is driven, but 603 miles (or so) will be flown.

And it's worth every mile and every minute.

This Sums It Up

Me every night on the couch this week:

source: pinterest

The bags under my eyes even have bags. I'm anxiously awaiting a laundry swap so I can go to bed. 

Talk about livin' it up on a Friday.

"My Shiny Teeth and Me"

Had my 6 month check up today at the dentist. Left with the grown up version of a goody bag - with TWO kinds of toothpaste samples.

And let me just brag here: ZERO cavities. I'm on a roll, people. That makes me feel better about how obsessive I am about brushing my teeth.

I'm not going to lie, though - part of my obsession with brushing my teeth comes from not wanting to spend my money on stupid things. In my mind "stupid things" includes paying money for someone to fix something that could have been prevented by investing time and effort.

And who doesn't love that awesomely slick feeling after a good cleaning at the dentist??

In the spirit of this delightful occasion, I leave you with this gem.

Big Ol' Softie

Once upon a time I dreamed I'd be the kind of dog owner that would let my dog up on the couch but absolutely not on my bed. My bed was mine, and I was going to continue to enjoy sprawling out and hogging the whole thing.

Then Danny came to hang out at my apartment and decided that he liked to nap on my bed.

He was still easing me out of my fear of big dogs - I wasn't about to move the guy. The last thing I wanted to do was make him angry.

Now that chunkamunk puts up with me waking him up on the couch to come sleep on the bed.

Go figure.

Because it's been a long time since I've done a survey thing.

So this is going around on Facebook these days...so here's just for funsies...


Tattoos..........none.
Piercings..........5 (used to have 6 but my nose piercing closed up...siiiiigh.)
Surgeries..........3 - wisdom teeth, appendectomy, tonsillectomy 
Shot a gun..........yes
Quit a job....... yes
Flown on a plane....... yup
Gone over 100mph in a car ...yes
Hit a deer..........TWO.
Gone zip lining..........Not yet.
Cried over someone.......Yes
Fell in love.......... yes
Skipped school.......... yes
Watched someone give birth....Nope.
Watched someone die....yes
Been to Canada..........yes
Ridden in an ambulance...yes
Been to Hawaii.......... YES. <3 span="">
Been to Europe.........no
Been to Washington D.C... no
Visited Florida.......... Yes
Visited Mexico......... no
Visited Las Vegas.........yes
Sang karaoke..........yes
Laughed so much you cried......Yes 
Had a pet(s).......... Yes
Been sledding on big hill. Yes
Been downhill skiing....... yes
Rode on a motorcycle.....Yes
Rode a horse..........Yes
Stayed in a hospital.........yes
Donated blood.........yes
Driven a stick shift..........no

Hold your finger down and select copy... Then go into status and paste it. Change your answers. Nice to do something mindless.
Accept the challenge and do this with me.

Be Still.

source: pinterest

We have been forced to slow down over the past few weeks from being sick, and it's been wonderful to have that time to slow down. We set aside many things to just rest and recoup. That meant a lot of couch time with the pups, sleeping, TV watching, (for me) crocheting, and being still. 

We were able to bounce back a lot faster because we took that time to slow down. 

Now I'm carrying that lesson with me and making sure to set aside time to do non-school stuff because it helps me recharge to go in and do my best in my classroom. I have lost the guilt associated with setting boundaries, and it's helping create a much longed-for balance. I still am far from perfect, mind you, but I take joy in the progress I have made. 

At times that guilt wants to creep back in, but I have to remind myself of the necessity of stepping away from school work to be more than a teacher. I'm enjoying the opportunities to enjoy time with my husband, exercise my creativity, and play with our quirky pups. 

That enjoyment is carrying over to help me find the joy even in the mundane things whether it's doing dishes, folding laundry, entering grades online, or tidying up around the house. That's a lot better than being crabby about it all the time. 

Enjoy your Sunday. Enjoy your resting. Recharge for the week ahead so you can tackle it and know at the end of the week that you did well. 

source: pinterest

Ramble On

Today so many people have been in terrible moods. It stinks.

Yes, with every election's conclusions come many unknowns. It's an emotional experience to embrace a loss, but it's also emotional to accept the future faces of leadership in our country.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like the stakes get higher with each election while the morals drop.

I haven't wanted to be one of those full of despair - I choose to embrace hope.

I have been praying for this election for a long time, and spent a lot of time praying last night as well. I found that my prayers began to change, though. They became less fearful and anxious and instead were filled with peace. I felt like it was a nudge from God to fully trust in Him.

I continued to pray, and I found myself considering the surge in stories of violence. I prayed for the safety of all of the candidates and especially for the winners. I imagine there's a certain amount of anxiety over the potential for a violent backlash.

But I also prayed that God would open eyes to allow people to see each candidate as a child of God. I prayed that we could grow in our trust, and we could inspire others to see the love of God as well. I prayed that this election would be a time where people would be touched by the peace of God, and that we could look to hope rather than assuming the worst will happen.

My ultimate comfort, though, came from Romans 8: 37-39:

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, non any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

...because not even an election is bigger than our God's love, grace, or power.

The Cubs: It's More Than "Just A Game" To Some

I know I'm not alone in getting teary-eyed Saturday night watching the amazing double play that solidified the Cubs' place in the World Series.

My dear husband said, "It's just a game."

Just a game? JUST a game? JUST a GAME?!? No, no, no. For many it is so much more.

We are the grandchildren and children of die-hard Cubs fans.
(And great-grandchildren, great-great...)

We grew up with memories of the Cubs games being the soundtrack of weekends playing with cousins and siblings...including these gems in the 7th inning:


We developed a love for the Cubs by association that later turned genuine.

We were born into this and carry on the love of the game -- and the team.

We are the definition of optimism, continuing to proclaim, "Well, there's always next year."

Our Next Year has arrived, my friends.

So we celebrate - not just for the team now -

but many of us for those we hold near and dear in our hearts who aren't here to witness this glory themselves.

We celebrate it, but we savor it so much more because of this love that's been instilled in us and that makes us remember those who modeled it for us. It's an honor to be a Cubs fan today on the eve of the first game of the World Series (!!!!!!!!!!!!), but it's an even greater honor to be carrying on the legacy of rooting for the Cubbies.

So here's to all of you who will also be yelling at your TVs tomorrow night -- and to the ones we are wishing could be watching right along with us.

Go, Cubs, go.

Friday night.

Not just any Friday night --

the Friday night after report cards and parent-teacher conferences.

I made myself cease schoolwork.

After running so hard, though, it's always hard to quit.
It's hard to enjoy the stillness.

But I'm trying.

I Know

In those moments of doubt --

of "not enough" being how I measure myself --

I'm thankful that I'm not on this journey alone.

I know I'm where God is using me.

I know I'm forgiven for my shortcomings and my mistakes.

I know I'm loved.

I know I'm more than what I feel.

"...or is it fantasy?"

Today at work somebody brought 9 golden retriever puppies to share. They were 6 weeks old.

NINE PUPPIES.

There is no such thing as a bad day when you get to snuggle and play with nine fluffy puppies.

At one point I had 3 of them in my lap and one on the floor in front of my lap. Yup, almost half of the puppies to snuggle and love on.

Oh, the puppy breath!

And the puppy teefers gnawing on my fingers! And tugging on my hair!

And those adorable roly-poly round puppy tummies!

via GIPHY

Once upon a time Scout was a little ball of fur with a roly-poly tummy, too. And then we fell in love with him and he came home with us. Now he is not so little and not so roly-poly.

I wouldn't mind if I had to snuggle multiple puppies every day. Nope, not a bit.

This

This: 

sleeping, snoring dogs - one of which just shifted and now has taken over my lap in his happycomfy state and releases the soft dog funk of impending bath time 

hot pink nails - a reminder of the bright, cheery, and almost unreal colors of Hawaii 

a rain shower - no longer the warm, soothing rains of summer -- traps the coolness of fall that took the day by force and adds to the soothing symphony around us

the joy of feeling the crisp breeze and the thunder of happy paws running toward me as i walked into the backyard to see my puppies after work 

the love in the routine of making dinner while he gets ready for work & savoring the short time we have together as we eat 

being able to share wisdom and be a resource - at the same time that it becomes clear to me that the wisdom actually is there

scrubbing the sink to dissolve the coffee rings dumped in morning haste - thankful for the day that's evolved since the hours that seem like a lifetime ago

and now the sleepy chunkamonk my legs are resting on (a compromise for us both) is twitching away in a puppy dream - and we are all happycomfy 

here

in this place

our home

our normal

life

and the moments big&small 

that make it.

Striving for Better

2016 has been a year of working on being healthier. That's meant making some changes - some big, some small, but all important in the big picture. It started last winter when I couldn't shake throat issues, but it highlighted the importance of taking care of myself.

I started listening to my body more when I needed to rest. Having chronic throat issues and fevers really wore me out, and teaching's tiring enough without that. I learned that some nights the best thing I could do for myself was put school work on the back burner and rest.

I began facing my stress and dealing with it rather than shoving it aside. No, it's not always pretty or fun to figure out what's worth thinking about and what I need to let go of, but it's worth the effort to become less frazzled. I've learned to pick my battles in that regard.

I've learned to embrace my limitations. This means saying no sometimes, but it also means asking for help. I used to think it was a weakness not to be able to do it all on my own, but it actually takes a certain measure of strength to lean on others.

I got my tonsils out a few weeks after school got out, and that was a major lesson in leaning on others. When they say it's rough for adults, they aren't exaggerating. So far I haven't been sick at all since school started: a new record. I'd say it was worth it.

Similarly, I've learned that sometimes I have to push my limitations in order to grow. I used to be my own obstacle at taking on new things by thinking I just couldn't do it, and it's been a process to get to see that it's okay to fail. It's okay to have to learn in a process rather than in a snap.

I've also started working out regularly again, and that's been so helpful. I am loving yoga, and I'm loving Zumba. I don't know that I'll ever get brave enough to do an actual class for either one, but there's nothing wrong with YouTube or Pinterest workouts.

I'm also spending more time on hobbies, something I know I've touched on a few times on the blog this year. I can't emphasize enough how valuable this has been to me. I feel like I am more than my career again, and I love being multifaceted.

I'm thankful for the support I've had each step of the way in this journey, and I'm thankful to be able to have it as I continue to strive for better in my life.

The (Gilmore) Girls Get Me

Those times when I really want to focus and get things done in a certain time span in the evening -- balance, remember? --

I have to confess:

This is actually me in those moments:

And this is why it takes me    F   O   R   E   V   E   R    to get things done.

...

...

...

Okay, I'm just kidding.

That's actually me all the time. 

And y'all wonder why I need so much coffee to function...mystery solved. 

Balancing

Earlier this year I hit a wall when I realized I hardly had hobbies anymore. I was sad to realize how long it'd been since I'd done some of the things that I'd loved to do or since I'd tried some new things. It's important to spend time growing personally through the things we enjoy or by learning new things, though. We are more than career people and housekeepers. I sought to have more of a balance in my life.

I'm still not perfect at this. There are still days where my house is a mess or my laundry sits waiting to get folded. There are some days I pass on working out in lieu of extra time to play with the dogs or work on the dishes before tackling school stuff. And there are times where I put off school work one more night to go to bed earlier. But we don't have exactly the same needs every day, either.

Striving for balance has helped me be a happier person, though. There's something powerful in taking time to edit pictures or work in the garden or to paint or to teach the dogs a new trick. It's taking time to enjoy these things that really do recharge me for facing the more challenging or demanding responsibilities, and it allows me to keep feeling joyful while I tackle them. It's easier to push away that stressed out feeling.

I don't want to be a stressed out grump all the time. I want to embrace life's ups and downs while being joyful and hopeful. I'm thankful that I came to the realization earlier this year that I needed more balance and that I've been able to get better at it. I still need to work on it, but we've all got to start somewhere.

Life with the Old Man Dog

Little known fact: I love dogs...especially three special ones that we call our own. Okay, fine, you knew that.

...but did you know that I used to be deeply terrified of them? True story. My brother used to let my grandparents' Newfoundland (aka the sweetest dog in the world, or so I'm told...) out to chase me. To him? Hilarious. To the dog? Playtime. To me? "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

Our three boys are at three different stages of life:

Scout is the "baby" of the family at just over 2 years old. That's basically like a teenager in the dog world, and he's got the sass and stubbornness to prove it.

Danny is the "middle child" at 7 years old. He's like the young adult male who is still young enough to act wild and crazy like a kid yet old enough to tell Scout when enough's enough. Technically he's a senior dog now, though, which is hard to imagine. He was still on the outskirts of puppyhood when I met him.

Squirt is my "first baby" and is also 11 years old. That makes him the old man of the group.

Oh, living with a geriatric dog is a constant learning process. I am now an awesome mess-of-various-kinds cleaner, nurse, and doggy-diaperer. I'm also learning more about dog psychology. Basically some dogs just lose their marbles when they get old. Squirt selectively loses both his marbles and his hearing.

Case #1: He gets tucked into his crate for the night after a snack. He settles in and watches me cozy up in my bed. I turn off the light, and a minute (or so) later he starts whining. Dog psychology says the marbles that tell him I'm still there are gone, and this causes his separation anxiety to kick in until I talk to him. Sometimes he forgets this multiple times a night. Sometimes he forgets a few times and thinks he has to go potty. On a good night he forgets, has to go potty, and wakes everyone up because he's thirsty.

(I joke with people that this is why we don't have children, but it sure doesn't seem funny in the middle of the night getting woken up from a sound sleep. But seriously, we're getting an idea of what we're in store for here, people.)

Case #2: He can't hear you call his name, "outside", or remember what it means to "sit", but man, he knows the sound of someone opening the string cheese. Regardless of where you are or how quietly you peel that wrapper, he's there in a flash to ask, "I can haz cheez?" with gusto - panting, dancing, ears attentively pointed, the whole nine yards. Then not 5 minutes after a cheese snack and potty break he can come in, hear me calling him, and run around almost the whole upstairs before he figures out where my voice is coming from. Explain that one to me.

Case 3: Last night he snuck around the gate to the basement stairs, walked into his downstairs crate (where he stays when we leave the house), laid down on his blankie, and began to bark like we had dared put him in there and leave him behind as we left the house. All of that racket while the door behind him stayed wide open. And just calling him to get him to come up was not enough. Neither was standing at the top of the stairs and calling him so he could see me. Nope, he only figured out that the door was not shut after pawing at it like he does when we do shut him in. He came running up and impatient with me like I was the one who put him in there.

I'm sure these aren't the last of the stories that our Old Man Dog will give us. I poke fun at him, but in reality I know that each day with our Old Man is a gift. We wouldn't trade him for anything (no matter what my husband tries to say!).

Get(ting) Real: Just Being Me

I've always been pretty shy. If it weren't for those people blessed with an outgoing nature, I'd have no friends. Imagine my relief when I found out about the word "introvert" and realized that I wasn't alone in this world.

My husband laughs at me when I try to tell him I'm introverted, but I still am. The only difference is that I've learned how to pretend that I'm not. I chose a career that is very people-oriented...but the small people don't scare me, just the Grown Up People.

Ironically, for being an introvert, I've really loved blogging. I think it's the idea that I can hide behind a computer screen and share my thoughts without actually holding a conversation. I value the comments and feedback to my posts, but I also am not offended if I don't get any of that on what I share.

I can't believe how long I've had this blog, either. I was reading back through random posts from over the years, and I'm so thankful to have snapshots of who I was and what life was like at those times. I'm sad that I trailed off, but I have my personal journals as snapshots of those times, too. Every day until now has shaped who I am today, and I may not always be proud of each decision but I'm glad to be where I am right now. I know that I'm not perfect, but each day is full of opportunities to grow.

I've toyed with the idea of starting a new blog for some time now. I even went so far over the past few days as to set up two new blogs on two different blogging sites. I have picked up this fear that someone will come along to read this and will get bored enough to look back through the years and suddenly get offended by something Old Me wrote. I have awful visions that somehow I'll be outed as a secretly terrible person, and I'll lose my job and friends and...I know it's silly not to blog or to start over again over a thought like that, but I feel like nowadays it's too easy for people to find even the tiniest thing to get worked up over. I don't want to put myself in that position. I began to feel the need to brace myself to apologize for something that may upset someone, and I posted less to avoid that.

And yet...I don't want to give in to fear. I don't want to make assumptions about what other people may or may not be thinking about me. I can't blow off something I enjoy doing for the sake of preventing problems that may not even ever happen. That's just silly.

Some people who are stopping by have been around since before the beginning of this blog. Some have entered my life at some point along the way. Regardless of when you've come into my life and ventured forth into my tiny corner of the Internet world, you are getting to see me here. I don't promise to be perfect, and sometimes I may be the only one laughing at my jokes, but this is real.

And you know what else is real? Yes, there are some people out there who need a life beyond seeking out things to get mad about, but there are far more awesome people out there who are willing to humor you and listen once in a while (or in this case, read). There are plenty of people who are supportive, encouraging, and loving out there. It's time to shift my thinking and see that there are people who enjoy reading this stuff, and sometimes it's even helpful. But most of all, I need to remember that I never started writing to make other people happy; I write because it makes me happy to put words together, contemplate things, and share what I think.

Music Monday: Hawaiian Style

Today I'm sharing with you one of my absolute favorite songs of all time. Not only is it stunningly beautiful in lyrics, voice, and instrumentals, but it also holds a lot of sentimental value for me.

First of all, I can't say enough about how awesome ukulele music is. It just always seems so joyful and carefree, and it's contagious. This is one of those songs I turn on when I'm stressed out or grumpy, and it usually does the trick. I can't help but envision an island with a gorgeous beach and ocean waves crashing on the shore while I'm listening to it.

Secondly, it had a role in our wedding. On the RSVP card we added a line asking our guests for a song that made them feel like dancing, and my dear sister-in-law responded with a great list of songs. Her list included this song and a note about how their dad loved this song. I wanted to include it as a way to honor him that day. I got to watch my husband and mother-in-law dance to it while I held hands with my sister-in-law, and it was a powerful, emotional moment in time. To be honest, that was one of my favorite parts of our wedding day.

Then the wildest thing happened at my sister-in-law's wedding. There was a ukulele player doing a fabulous job with music during the ceremony and for a little bit afterwards. While we were congratulating the newlyweds, he began to play this song. It made me tear up because of how perfect it seemed to hear it again in such a happy, beautiful time. It's also pretty fun to have something in common between our weddings like that.

I bet you can imagine how excited I was to find a beautiful t-shirt that included the words "Somewhere over the rainbow" on the front while we were in Hawaii. :)

So here's one of the most beautiful songs of all time, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Beautiful World" by Hawaii's own Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole, aka IZ.

I dare you to turn it on during the week if you find yourself stressed out. I bet you won't stay stressed for long after your short "island vacation" song.

Trust

I feel that voice answering me after many, many prayers.

It's not a clear answer. It's not a loud, definite command.

It's a delicate whisper.

Trust me.
Remember I am with you wherever you go. 

"Yes, that's true, but which way do I go, Lord?" I ask.

Wherever you go is where you should be.
I have great things in store for you. 
Trust me. 
I'm here. 
I will not leave you. 

Strangely I am encouraged as I move forward on the dark, foggy path before me. I go with the Light and therefore go with everything I need.

Trust.

Music Monday: "I Don't Dance"

Side note: I know it says "Music Monday" despite being posted today (Tuesday). I was having computer issues last night. Better late than never! :)

Today's song, "I Don't Dance", is by Lee Brice. I originally came across this song after looking up another of his, and I instantly fell in love with it.

Before our wedding I tried so hard to get Tim to practice dancing with me so we wouldn't look uncoordinated during our first dance. He adamantly refused, and he would often tell me, "I don't dance." [Spoiler alert: When Tim tried to get fancy during our first dance and spin me, I tried to spin the opposite way...more than once...and we laughed our way through a good portion of our first dance.]

Fast forward a bit to the few weeks before our wedding. I told him he has to dance twice in his life and then I'd let him off the hook for the rest of our lives: once with his dear bride to a mutually-agreed upon song, and once with his momma. He accepted that offer begrudgingly. [For the record- my hubby has danced with me at least double that amount since then.]

There's something powerful about the things we do for the people we love -- especially when it challenges us to step outside of our comfort zone. This song captures that in a simple yet beautiful way.

Get(ting) Real: Vulnerability

There's a nearly overwhelming amount of excitement that comes with starting something new. There's hope for the joys and victories ahead. There's exhilaration that comes with having the courage and determination to get started and see it through.

On the other hand, there's also a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with new beginnings as well. There's doubt that your abilities will be enough to be successful. There's fear of mistakes to be made along the way. There's a worry about the outcome that could be radically different from the highly optimistic picture of perfect results you have in mind.

For some people that vulnerability is enough to quit trying.

I've never been a stranger to trying new things with excitement and enthusiasm --
kayaking on the ocean
playing clarinet
trying out for college theater productions
attempting to earn a solo in choir
climbing a mountain
sliding down a mountain in the snow
getting an eight week old puppy 
training dogs
taking a six hour Amtrak ride alone
walking through downtown Chicago alone for the first time (without getting lost!)
calamari 
driving a boat
leading preschool story time at VBS
gardening 
teaching
moving across the country
moving partway across the country
running power tools
making salsa
blogging for a year 
-- but I've also never been a stranger to that vulnerability or times where it has held me back.

I've been pushing myself to delve into hobbies more so I can be defined by more than my career. I never intended to let fear or vulnerability hold me back in life, but at some point I gave up on regularly pushing myself to feel that rush of excitement that comes with trying new things. It makes a huge difference when you lose touch with yourself that way, but it's also a huge difference when you bring that excitement back.

Two hobbies I've been diving into are watercolor painting and photography. I may now be the world's best at either one, but I love it. I love to feel that sense of exhilaration again. I love to feel wonder again. I love the feeling that comes with creating new things and learning new things. I still have that vulnerability, though, and that  makes it difficult to share the outcome of my time and effort -- even with my husband. Learning these new skills also means learning to be open and honest.

It means learning how to get real. 

I found this quote a few years ago on Pinterest, and I immediately wrote it down to put by my desk where I would see it every day. Sometimes all it takes is a nudge to remember the value in trying.

Park Games

We unpack the bag with the game, and I hope it will go better than it did with the kite. (Those puffs of wind that cooled us weren't enough to keep it afloat for long.)

I give a gentle toss, and we search for where the little, white ball lands. Our eyes squint as we differentiate dandelions past their prime from the top of the ball in the tall, sturdy crabgrass.

There. 

With our target in sight we take turns throwing.

Red.

Black.

Red.

Black.

My competitive side aches to win while the rest of me savors the sunshine, the breeze, and the company as we take turns getting points. 

An uninvited tick joins us - we take it as our cue to leave. 

As we pull away I realize I don't remember who won. I remember instead the joy, laughter, and relaxation as the pressures of life melted away in the summer sun while we played Boccie ball next to the lake. 

I'm sure that means we all won in the end. 

Get(ting) Real

"Get real."

I remember that used to be a phrase uttered when someone was being unbelievable -- like that they could climb all the way to the top of the tallest tree in the yard or hit the ball all the way out to the field. That was back in the times where life's big struggles included deciding between a bologna or pb&j for lunch or why your favorite pair of shoes (the jelly shoes with the sparkles in them) always gave you blisters no matter how few minutes you wore them on your feet.

"Get real."

That phrase now offers a nudge into truth and honesty. It is a challenge to own and embrace now for what it is rather than being frustrated or sad over what it's not. It's a call to opening up and exposing things I'd rather sweep under the rug than utter aloud.

We tend to let ourselves feel like we are alone in our negative feelings or experiences in a world that pressures us to be perfect in appearances and hide our struggles. We buy into the lie that everyone is more pulled together, happy, and better than we are. We brag about our ups while lying about our downs.

And you know what? All of this effort to project perfection is exhausting. In high school we'd finish a play and have an unbeatable rush of joy, pride, and excitement; this kind of performing is crushing. Buying into that lie took away my feeling that this blog was my safe place to be myself. And that's not okay.

So now's the time to heed the call to get real. This is my blog, and this is my life. It's not always witty, funny, or entertaining, but it's real.

Sweet Summertime

It's SUMMER VACATION!!!

I love summer break and the opportunities it brings to spend more time with family -- both near and far. We've planned a few opportunities for seeing our far-away family this summer, and I'm really looking forward to catching up with everyone. We also have some things we want to tackle together, too.

We've been out for just shy of two weeks now, and it's been busy! The first week was full of meetings, an out-of-town conference, and tying up loose ends on the classroom management front. I've been working on a few other projects for school that I've been itching to do -- whew, what a blessing to have the time to work on them!

Tim is keeping busy working on our basement project. I'm so thankful for my husband's dedication and his skills to tackle these handy-man projects to make this home fit our visions. We're looking forward to getting the tile for the bathroom so he can start that soon. The next step will be picking the paint color. So far we've agreed on most things for the bathroom on the first try, so let's hope this unprecedented renovation trend continues!

Tim and I worked on our garden this weekend. I learned how to use the tiller -- and guys, I felt like I could take on the world after tilling the garden. Power tools are SO FUN. We got everything planted, including some herbs in containers this year. I've only tried growing dill in containers last year, and it didn't really end well. Hopefully it will all go better this year. More on the garden later.

It's also been great getting to spend more time playing with the dogs. The weather's gorgeous again, and that means we've gotten to break out the bubbles again. It's also nice just letting them nap in the grass while we're working out there. The warm weather also means lots of shedding -- and more brushing. I definitely appreciate having extra time for that. Squirt may be small, but dude seems to have no end to the fur that comes out when he gets brushed.

To be honest, Squirt gave us a scare in February when he got very, very sick. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and put on meds, and he's been doing well since then. It has brought him to a whole new level of Old Man Dog, complete with doggy diapers and his own pill organizer. There's no set timeline with CHF, so I am savoring each day with my "first baby" and being grateful for how well he's been doing on his medication. I don't mind having extra time to snuggle with the little guy, though!

We've also been getting things squared away for me to have my tonsils and adenoids out. I'm so not looking forward to the surgery or recovery, but I'm really looking forward to no longer constantly having a sore throat. I think my hubby will be glad not to hear me complaining about my sore throat and asking him to buy more Fudgesicles. ;)

It's a blessing to have time to slow down to truly experience all of these things and truly enjoy the little things. It's a nice change from running on Survival Mode and moving down the checklist of things that must get done. This is what summer is for - being truly present in the moment and savoring it all. I used to think it was the sunshine and heat that made everything seem sweeter, brighter, and better in summer -- I realize now it's how summer's longer days give us more time and energy to enjoy the life we're in.

Reconnecting.

Have you ever had a time where you just paused to truly examine your life? Those are intimidating moments where you're forced to honestly analyze where your time and energy is going. You're either going to be pleased or disappointed with what you find in those moments. 

I've had a few of those moments, and I was disappointed to find that I was disappointed. I love teaching with all my heart, but I never expected it to consume me. Somewhere along the line I lost a lot of "me" for the sake of my profession. I don't regret giving my time and energy to help my kiddos flourish; I regret that I lost track of who I was outside of a teacher. I actually began questioning what it was I enjoyed outside of teaching because it seemed like the only other things I did beyond schoolwork were sleep and eat. It was a real wake up call when I realized how it impacted me to the point where I was sacrificing my own well-being for the sake of my career. 

God has placed so many blessings in my life. While those include being able to do what I love each day for a job, I know that using my gifts and talents to honor God go beyond my classroom. I know I'm meant to use them to be a good wife, daughter, granddaughter, friend, dog momma, and neighbor. I know I'm meant to have some hobbies that I spent time doing to rest and recharge so I can fulfill my callings to be all of these things to others. 

So what do you do when you've lost track of who you are and what you enjoy? You pause, pray, and make some changes. 

I recently heard a blurb on K-Love about how we can invest so much time in what we think is important that we forget to invest in what's really important. The speaker continued on to say that sometimes we have to do okay instead of great on things and let some things go to make time for things that matter, like time with family. 

I've been trying to put that into practice, and it's made it less stressful to decide to simply make note of an idea for next time I teach that lesson rather than trying to make magic happen the night before I want something. I don't have to act on every idea right now to improve lessons. I can wait to grade until the next day if I really need some extra time playing with the dogs to de-stress. I can go to bed early and leave some things unfinished. I can talk on the phone with my family instead of sweeping all the floors on a weeknight -- the fur will still be there come the weekend. 

I've had some time off for Easter break, and I have literally spent most of it crocheting and watercolor painting. I've also done my share of watching Netflix, listening to music, letter writing, and watching the Crane Cam to see the sandhill cranes. I've also gotten to help my hubby with our basement project. That's not to say that I won't tackle school stuff before we go back on Tuesday, but I don't regret investing time to reconnect with things I enjoy. I am taking time to be me, and it feels good. It's been too long. 

Way Back Behind the Starting Line

I'd tell you that I'd rather have plans change because I did something to mess them up, but I'm not sure that's true.

I'd tell you that I'd rather have plans change because of someone else or something that's out of my control, but that's not true either.

I'd really rather just have my plans stay just as they were to begin with.

But then again, maybe that's not true, either.

See, here's the thing:
There is beauty in the unexpected.

I'm working through some frustrations right now over having to miss out on something I was really, really looking forward to -- because life happens, you know? -- but I just feel like pouting about it and being mad for a while. I want to stomp and grump and be childish about it.

I'm taking this change of plans harder than usual because I had a plan and was finally ready to start taking steps on a new adventure. Missing out on this one thing temporarily robs me of my first step. It postpones the beginning of my journey, and I'm really mad because it took a long time and many factors to push me to the starting line with confidence and determination. I prayed and planned and sought advice and prayed and planned some more, and I mustered my courage, and now I'm stuck waiting again.

I'm still confident and determined, mind you, but now I'm pushed back 50 yards behind my starting line.

And yet...

Perhaps this extra time is what I need to prepare myself to do my best. 

Perhaps it's a call to focus my time and energy in some other areas for now. 

Or perhaps it was a chance to see just how much I want this new adventure to be reality. 

This is a temporary setback, but it's an opportunity for other things to happen. And usually when something else happens besides what I have planned it ends up being much more awesome than what I'd planned to begin with.

So I'll take some deep breaths, stretch a little more to get ready, and hit the ground running again when the time is right.

Home

I'm taking a short break from school work, and this article called "When Going Home for the Holidays Hurts" by Liz Riggs caught my eye. You can read it here if you're interested. 

I've always sort of felt conflicted about going home when I have this home now. There's a part of me that's never going to stop being a Wisconsin girl, but to call myself that now feels like a lie because Nebraska's such a big part of me, too. You can't just drop your roots, but you can't discount where life has brought you, either. (At least I'm safe wearing red and white in both states!)

It's also easy to question myself when we go see our family because it's hard to shake the feeling that we've abandoned them by living here. That doubt must be overridden by remembering the many prayers that I said during college about my future. I asked for God to help me be a teacher and to put me where He needed me (most preferably in a Christian school), let me enjoy where I ended up living, and help me find a good man to settle down with. Well, check, check, check. We grow up and have to go where we're needed, where we can make the world better. We both have been blessed to get the jobs we've dreamed about and worked toward so we do what we love each day. We've been further blessed to have found each other while here and love each day with each other. It's hard to let yourself believe you've abandoned anyone when you wouldn't have met your spouse without being here. I do remind Tim that it's a good thing my family loves him, though, or they'd have smuggled me back to Wisconsin a long time ago. :)

I do think one more part of the ache that I get whenever we go home is the way that our worlds are so separate. There are some people from when I lived back home who have never been in this state to see the beauty that captured my heart the first time I visited and still think we're crazy to be out here. There are people who used to walk into my house like it was theirs, too, who have no idea what my home looks like now...let alone my life. That separation of what once was familiar and what's familiar now can be hard, too. I want my worlds to all be interconnected rather than having to explain everything. On the other hand, there are times my heart is saddened when I have to explain to my husband how it used to be when we are back in my hometown or when I know I won't ever fully understand his explanation of how something used to be in his life. 

But this is life: 

ever-changing. 

There's nothing wrong with having more than one place to think of as "home", though. After all, they say, "Home is where the heart is." My heart has pieces all over the country with the friends and family I love, and it also lies in the places I've been able to live over the years. While change isn't always easy to digest, it's a blessing to see the progress both people and places make in between our visits. 

I am thankful for the opportunities we have to get together with our family multiple times in the year, though, despite everyone being spread out all over. I think 1) without those visits and 2) without modern technology it'd be a lot harder to live away from "home" in this place we call home now. It makes us cherish the time we do have together a lot more rather than taking it for granted. 

I love this song by Tim McGraw. I feel like it captures it really well when it touches on how much you are surprised to find that you miss about home when you move away. I find myself appreciating so many little things about home when we get to head back there, and I also find myself missing some really strange things sometimes (like "real" snow...aka the big, fat, fluffy flakes from lake effect snow!). Plus who doesn't just marvel at the awesome duets of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill??