Book Quote

She fed CDs into the stereo, singing aloud to keep her thoughts at bay. She would have time to deal with them soon enough. [Falling Home by Karen White]

Traveling: the perfect opportunity to get wrapped up in music.

And to think. Or not to think at all.

"Meet Me In St. Louie"

That song Judy Garland sang in some movie or another is what pops into my head first when I think of St. Louis.

Oh, and this:

Sometimes you just can't explain the things you do with your roommates. That was one of those times.

I'm gearing up to fly to STL in less than 12 hours. A school in the area is bringing me in for a 2nd interview and a visit.

and so begins the career.

This. Is. IntenseExcitingScaryFun. [Teagan, I'm so glad you taught us that beautiful art. So useful!]

~"So come on, here's your chance. Don't let it slip through your hands. Get ready for the ride of your life." [-"The Ride of Your Life" - John Gregory...Thanks to Karen for that one!]~

All That I Can Do, Too

"All That I Can Do" by Bethany Dillon came on my iPod at the end of a trying day...and it fit so well...

I ran around the room again
I ran outside and ran back in
And I just couldn't get away from myself
I don't care what tomorrow brings
I won't back down for anything
I want to think that I was made for something else

[Bridge:]
I can't wait anymore
I'm ready to reach
So I'm closing the door behind me

[Chorus:]
All that I can do is hold onto You
And follow where You lead
Where You're leading me
All that I can do is hold onto You
And let You bring me through
It's all that I can do

There are days I think I don't need You
There are days when I can't see the truth
I need You to save me from the lies
Because every thought that's in my head
And even when I draw my next breath
You knew it all before there was time

[Bridge]
[Chorus]

When the waves begin to rise
And all my hope fails
In confidence I'll close my eyes
Trusting you'll be there

[Chorus]

Life Barrages

Some days the only way to really sum up the day a good cry.

It's like our body has too many emotions to handle and just needs to overflow to make room for all of them to fit.

~"Oh, child...Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak." [-The Shack]~

Blessings in the "Blugh"

For all the things today had to offer amidst the yuckiness...

humor amidst tough love -- having to turn your face away so your preschooler doesn't see you laugh after he says he's "too weak" to tell her why he's there ...after he's already said he's "apprehensive"...

a much-anticipated (and feared) haircut -- a guinea pig session for the lady cutting my hair as another stylist taught her how to do it...on my head...and i feared for the worst before it was over!

many laughs with my fellow student teacher -- as we made a mini night out from the haircut endeavor.

getting to wear cowboy boots at school all day -- and seeing the kiddos dressed up, too, for our cowboy cookout. and knowing i get to repeat it tomorrow. :)

getting past the toughness and fear of being honest -- goodbye, frustration. hello, game plan and happy heart. take that, fear. friendship first. ♥

booking my ticket to see David -- the countdown started already. eagerness. happiness.

being loved -- by preschoolers. by friends. by God.

Hey. Thanks, God. You're awesome.

~"Come move in us, come hold our hearts." ["Lift Us Up To Fall" - Tenth Avenue North]~

Texas Living

We didn't have school today (thanks, U.S. Presidents!), and I have no good khaki pants anymore. That's what happens when you haven't bought any since high school and have not stayed the same size since then. Off to the outlet mall we went. Let me just tell you that it is so foreign for people to have their a/c on in February, or to be walking around in an outdoor mall in February and being happy to have a breeze come through to cool you. So, so weird.

The drive there and back was great, though. Windows down, music up, and back road driving. [amazing]

The county we're in, Harris County, actually has the highest horse-to-person ratio per capita in the United States. [I would've taken pictures along the way, but I was driving.] I love seeing horses and fields and all of the different styles of homes around here. It's just so different here. Every time we go somewhere, there's something new to see. And it's always beautiful in some way.

I want to soak in as much as I possibly can in 2 months. I don't think I'll ever get the chance to say "I live in Texas right now" again. I want to live in Texas while I'm here.

~"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." [-Kahlil Gibran]~

(Part 3:) The [Family] World In Me

my wonderful nephew.

mom&me.

my stepdad and minnow, his kitty.

papa russ and his girls.

bob and holl, part of the siblings. :)

grandpa dave&grandma bev taught us what it means to love someone forever.

my bubby and me.

dad and 1 L shel.

sometimes we're crazy together. ♥

special hot chocolate: it's a twin thing.

i love my aunt!

parker's baptism day!

daaaa bears game with my daddy.

holiday tradition: peanut brittle.

today and yesterday helped me miss home a little less as i went through the myriad of pictures i have and as i remembered how many people have helped me become who i am today and whose wisdom and love i carry with me daily.

because sometimes i have those "i just wanna go home" moments. even though i wouldn't trade where i'm at, i miss the comfort of being home, of being around these wonderful people.

this is the world in me...these friends and these family members.

love and miss you all, and thanks for getting me to where i am today.

and thank you for letting me carry you in my mind and my heart.

♥

(Part 2:) The World In Me

A continuation of yesterday's post, based off of yesterday's quote.

f r i e n d s

like

f a m i l y...

totally twins.

partners in crime.

some of my oldest friends.

the reason for the season. ;)

love those Schmidt boys!

these guys keep me grounded.

this boy loves peanut butter almost as much as i love our friendship. almost.

one of our last gigs while all of us were still at cuc.

two of the most beautiful women i know.

mama lisha!

big brother on the carousel at the mall. :)

gotta love a trip to Madison with Ls.

silly string fights were just the beginning.

~"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good." ["For Good" - Wicked]~

(Part 1:) Haunting Quotes

Have you ever run across a quote that haunts you after you read it? I'm not talking about the unsettling kind of haunting; I mean the kind where something just hits a part of you dead-on, connecting with that piece of you. I'm always afraid to let those kind of quotes slip away. I am constantly writing down quotes that I don't want to lose.

I finished reading The Shack today, and part of the reason I think it took so long to read (almost a month) is because I needed time to digest some of the quotes in there. I needed to let them haunt me for a little while.

I read one the other day, and it really hit home today as I was driving to the church tonight for small group. I was looking at the biggest moon I have ever seen in my life, a distinct "cheese moon" (in the words of one of my preschoolers referring to that cheddary yellow color the moon sometimes gets. He must be a poet in the making). I wanted somebody whom I could share things with unreservedly like I can do with those I am close to. I wanted to tell them about the cheese moon and have them marvel with me over the size of it, wonder aloud if it's another one of those Texas things.

And then it hit me that I'll be going through all of this again in just a few short months as I move off to wherever the next phase of life takes me (St. Louis?).

That's when the quote came back to haunt me, giving me peace.

~"You can kiss your family and friends goodbye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you." [-Frederick Beuchner]~

...to be continued.

True Colors

"You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you. And the more you know each other, the richer the colors of that relationship." - The Shack

I thought about this quote for a while today, and I realized...

I can be myself with many of the people I love, but I can be myself in different ways with many of the people I love.

...and I feel like there's a poem waiting to be written about colors and relationships. Maybe it's (finally) time to get the ol' poetry notebook out again. [i sure hope so]

Quick Quote

You want nothing but patience — or give it a more fascinating name, call it hope.
-Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

Memories and Ambitions

This video reminds me of the trip this past summer. Alaska was one of my favorite trips of all time. It also makes me want to really go on a serious camping trip. (Note to self: add to "To Do" list)

Watching that was a great mini-vacation, even if I had to spread the video out over 2 days...that's how insane this week has been so far.

And yet so, so blessed.

~"Love reckons hours for months, and days for years; and every little absence is an age." [-John Dryden]~

Things I (Now) Know I Can Do

1. Unclog a toilet. With some coaching. Even when it's overflowing.

2. Pray like crazy. All day. About everything. With others or without.

3. Watch a playground full of 17 kids solo without breaking a sweat...unless it's in the upper 70s.

4. Get 2nd interviews.

5. Roll with the punches. Breathe in between 'em.

6. Set the tone for the day with a single song...like this:

Another First

Phone interview: done.

And it went okay.

We'll see how this goes.

"Wanna stay in your warm embrace..."

Thank God for songs stumbled upon just when you need them.

Perfect Height

I lose count of how much time I spent on average each day crouched to the height of 4 and 5 year olds. But it's my favorite place to be, because...

That's the height you have to be to truly listen to a child when their voice is hushed with curiosity, fear, confessions, admiration.

It's the height for creating alongside a child playing with Playdoh, challenging them to build their favorite dinosaur with you. Or an elaborate cake. Multilayered. Valentine-heart-style.

It's the height you need to be to build a supportive, trusting relationship with a child.

And it's the height where you can let your own inner child break free to play with the children you're surrounded by.

What's more -- it's the perfect height to laugh with the children. To explore, question, awe, wonder, think, discover with the children.

We lose so, so much when we forget to see from a child's perspective.

~"We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done...so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands." [Psalm 78: 4, 6-7]~

Big Band Bombardment

I have to admit that Ben's post prompted my music-engulfed evening tonight. I almost added "Blame Ben" in parenthesis to the title because the alliteration was there, in fact. :)

I was in the mood to mix it up from what I usually put on, so I put on "Beyond the Sea Radio" on Pandora -- my station for classics like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Nat King Cole, and all of the other crooners. I have a particular soft spot for that kinda music.

Some nights just demand big band/swing music.

I think that the Big Band Era would have been a really fun time to live in. The dancing, the live music, the fashion of the times...yeah, I wouldn't mind living then. I'm a terrible swing dancer (coordination in general escapes me), though, so I would've been out of place.

Here's one of my favorites (and I love it either by The Drifters or Michael Buble, but I admire the fact that Michael Buble can pull off that classic sound in the modern times):



~"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." [-Berthold Auerbach]~

BookMovies

I love, love, love when books get turned into movies. There's something exciting about seeing how these characters are brought to life.

Actually, I only like the thought of books being turned into movies.

I'm usually hugely disappointed by the movies. They leave things out, change things around, or just portray the characters in a way that is so far removed from what I had envisioned. [Beowulf was one of the worst. You can't change the ending of one of the first epics ever recorded! Terrible. Just terrible.]

I usually end up tearing those movies apart. It's the English nerd inside.

I let myself get excited, anyway.

Bring it on, Jane Eyre. One of my favorite books. I hope they do it justice -- unlike so, so many others.

Tiny Tuesday Post

It's amazing how God can use the people around use sometimes even to speak to the worried and fearful sides of us. I felt so loved and supported by so many yesterday. I'm glad those words were what some of you needed to hear, too. I appreciated the encouragement, too.

I have a phone interview Sunday evening with a call committee for a school in the St. Louis area. I was taken off-guard, but I'm pumped. :) If you don't mind, please say some prayers for the congregation and also for me as we prepare for this. They have other interviews as well, and those kiddos need the right person there with them. Thanks!

We teach those little ones how to share so well that they even want to share their stomach bugs. Aw, shucks. If I could post Meghan's poem about being sick right here, I would. Instead I'm going to call it a night and be content knowing that a few of you remember that poem and the talent contained within to sum up that terrible, sickly feeling.

Possibility Plethora

Came home from a not-so-hot day at school -- those "off" days are just unavoidable -- with a burdened heart, stressed mind, and the same headache that's been off and on since Thursday. Not so happy camper, you might say.

An email made my heart skip a beat as it revealed that my credential file not only has the potential to go out now, but it is going out! Tomorrow! To 5 schools!

My head nearly to it's bursting point, I quickly gathered up a stack of letters and walked down the street to the mailbox. And then kept walking.

Praying.

Thinking.

De-crabbying.

And building excitement.

Joy.

Optimism.

Hope.

Some things aren't worth worrying about. We can't control 'em, so why worry about them? God can use everything, anyway. So instead of worrying, get excited. Don't look at what could go wrong. Look at what could go right. I'm sharing these words because that's the attitude shift I needed, and maybe somebody else does, too. I wasted too much time even just today worrying about things that really won't matter next week or next month or next year, and not enough getting really psyched about all that could matter and be in that time.

I got to tell my kiddos today about Jesus feeding 5000 with the lunch of one boy, a meager lunch of 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. That was after the disciples probably looked at him with the same look my little boy gave me about the snake hole: "You're absolutely crazy and unbelievable!" Jesus not only fed them, but he made leftovers to boot. Clearly things always work out. God always provides far beyond our imagination.

I highly doubt that any of these first 5 places will work out, but who knows? I'm really just saying that so I don't get my hopes up too high. They actually look like some fun areas and decent schools. One's an hour away from home. What I do know is that these are doors opening left and right, and it's just the beginning.

I don't know where I go from here, but I know who I go with: the friends, family, and God who love and support me all the way through. It's the beginning of the end of one adventure and the start of a brand new one, and it's truly awesome.

This is it.

~"Do not conform to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." [-Romans 12:2]~

Time To Shake It Up

I am going to cut my hair. Short. Maybe even shorter than last year. The question is...what should I do with it?

This is always a tough choice. I know that I always build haircuts up, love them for a few days, and then realize all the things I can no longer do with my hair, and then I hate it for a few days. And I've always, always loved to play with hair. Mine, somebody else's, doesn't matter. It's fun. It's how my cousins and I would literally spend hours when we were little. (And now two of them have gone to cosmetology school.)

What I'm really trying to say is...I'm just not good at change.

I wrote this a while ago, but it fits, eh?

Hair Wars

This hair swirls before my eyes and lips,

Sticks stubbornly to chapsticked lips,

Refuses to surrender to my hair tie even for a split second.

This hair decides to be smooth and tame,

Cooperates easily when it doesn’t matter,

Innocently taunts me to a sigh because nobody will see.

This hair flares up with static and frizz,

Loves my cheeks shamelessly,

Clings to hands that fight it all in the name of beauty.

This hair competes with products and pins,

Defends resolutely against my brush,

Forces my eyes to water.

I consider a haircut.

Saturday Slowdown

Woke up at usual time for a weekday. Snuggled back into the abyss of blankets and fell back asleep. Woke up at 8, but let myself lay in bed until 9:30...because sometimes Saturday mornings demand that you give your bed some extra attention.

Did lots of laundry. Did some writing. Did some reading.

Talked to old roommates on video chat for a few hours [ignoring the nagging feeling that I should be doing lesson plans or portfolio work]...because sometimes Saturday afternoons demand that you give your loved ones some extra attention.

Admired the fact that I'm at the age where staying home all day is okay, where laundry is part of a relaxing day rather than a burdensome chore to squeeze in at some odd hour. [Maybe the difference comes from not having to scrounge up quarters every time.]

"Rule #32: Enjoy the little things." Thanks again, Zombieland.

Now off to do some lesson plans while sheets are drying...and maybe listening to some of the things I found on iTunes U today...and an early bedtime.

Yeah, it's a good Saturday.

~"I cannot walk through the suburbs in the solitude of the night without thinking that the night pleases us because it suppresses idle details, just as our memory does." [-Jorge Luis Borges]~

Risk Taking

I have a lot of things that I want to do before I die.

I just don't want to do them alone.

Things aren't as fun if you do them alone. I have less motivation to do things if I have to do them alone.

But sometimes there's a certain satisfaction to doing something on your own.

Like driving across the country. Without getting lost (much). Or doing something you were afraid to do alone, like meeting a whole group of people you've never met before.

So go ahead. Step out of your comfort zone. Take a risk. Surprise yourself. And have fun.

~"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." [-Seneca]~

Storm Pictures

A lot of these pictures are astounding. I wish I could take some cool action shots like those.

I feel so disconnected from all of that stuff by being down here.

And I never thought I would be excited for snow when I was looking forward to leaving it behind.

Funny how being away makes you appreciate so much of what you were anxious to get away from. Usually the things you want to escape are part of the essence of what makes that place unique.

~"Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind." [-Samuel Taylor Coleridge]~

Culture Shock

It was 21 degrees this morning here in Texas, and 18 degrees back home. Something's not right. Could you people in the Midwest stop sharing your winter weather? I came here to get away from it!

It's interesting watching the response of an area that isn't used to such cold temps. There's so much talk of making sure pipes don't freeze because they aren't insulated for this. They have to worry about having antifreeze in their cars right now, too. And they just don't like this cold! I guess it's something that I really just took for granted with living with it. Never really considered what it would truly be like to live someplace without it. What an experience! It's just as much a form of culture shock for me as this cold is for them.

A new concept for me is "rolling power outages". Because their pipes aren't built for this cold, they have to keep water running to keep pipes and pools from freezing. This really ups the electricity demand, and they use these controlled outages to manage it. The electricity went out this morning at our house, and it went off 3 or 4 times at school today (which the kids thought was so cool -- whew, much better than screaming!). This is supposed to continue for the next few days.

We have snow/freezing rain in the forecast for Thursday night or Friday morning, and that will definitely mean a snow day. Who would've thought I could be facing a possible snow day while here in Texas? "Not I," said the student teacher!

Stay warm and safe, folks!

~"Weather forecast for tonight: dark." [-George Carlin]~

p.s. -- Since the time I made this original post, we got a call from the EC Director. Guess what? We have a half day of school tomorrow and no school Friday. Guess I got that "snow" day after all. Now let's wait and see what Texas snow is all about. Perhaps not EVERYthing is bigger in Texas, eh? ;)

Snowfalls and Snowplows

There is a certain quiet that you can't get with anything but a hushed snowfall. The patient flakes float their way to the ground, glittering in magnificence in whatever light they can catch on their journey. There's a freshness in the air that mixes with the coldness for clean breaths unlike any other times (except other snowfalls, of course).

And then there's the scraping of snowplows, a sound that's oddly comforting to me. I know the dedication those people behind the wheel have, first hand. Snowfalls would be a lot more of a nuisance without them.

Stay safe, all of you back in the Midwest. Especially those of you out plowing - Dad, Dave, and Ben. Praying for you all.

~"When snow falls, nature listens." [-Antoinette van Kleef]~