The Aftermath

The skies lay low where You are

On the earth You rest Your feet

Yet the hands that cradle the stars

Are the hands that bled for me

[Chorus]

In a moment of glorious surrender

You were broken for all the world to see

Lifted out of the ashes

I am found in the aftermath

Freedom found in Your scars

In Your grace my life redeemed

For You chose to take the sinner's crown

As You placed Your crown on me

[Chorus]

[Chorus 2]

And in that moment You opened up the heavens

To the broken, the beggar, and the thief

Lifted out of the wreckage

I found hope in the aftermath

And I know that You're with me

Yes, I know that You're with me here

And I know Your love will light the way [x3]

Now all I have I count it all as loss

But to know You, to carry the cross

Knowing I'm found

In the light of the aftermath

["Aftermath" by Hillsong United]

I posted this video a while back after going to this group's concert, and I wanted to post the lyrics tonight for 2 reasons:

1) We sang this in church tonight.

2) This is a song that hits me over and over again.

Its beauty and truth get me every time I hear it.

I am living in the aftermath of my Savior's glorious, selfless, loving surrender. What tragedy that it's all of my failures and mistakes that drove him there, but what wonderful, amazing beauty is held in his willingness to take my place. Such a love I cannot fathom, nor can I fully appreciate it...but as much as my human heart can be thankful for it, let me be thankful.

We are loved by one amazing God.

Some Days...

I get grumpy and discouraged.

seeing what didn't go as planned.

acknowledging time poorly spent.

recognizing how much i have to learn.

I get impatient.

taking extra breaths to calm down in the classroom, to shut out my own shortcomings and to embrace the learning of my students (even about respect and listening)

ready to graduate.

more than ready to be home.

planning around distance that only seems to grow bigger by the days between our visits.

I get nervous.

trying to hold on too tightly to things, even things beyond my control.

seeking reassurance.

trying to fake strength i don't really have.

And then I think about

prayer.

being wrapped up in a hug so warm, so comfortable that it shuts out the world for a while.

little joys tucked away in hidden pockets of the day

someone just being there to say it's gonna be okay. reminding me i'm okay sometimes, too.

remembering tomorrow's a brand new day that i haven't messed anything up in yet.

And I will mess things up tomorrow. It just happens. We don't always have to like the learning process, but we're always going to do it anyway.

~"Don't tell God how big your problems are; tell your problems how big your God is." [-unknown...but thanks to 1 L Shel for sharing it.]~

"Wanna stay in your warm embrace..."

Thank God for songs stumbled upon just when you need them.

Only by faith.

While I'm not ready to give full details yet because there are some people who I need to talk to about this first, allow me to say that things are good right now. No, things are more than that...they are great. I've gotten a lot figured out in the past few days, but the pieces have been coming together for quite a while. It's a great feeling. Granted, with these resolved things come a whole host of new unknowns to face, but they are not unconquerable. I have a pretty amazing God by my side, and His plans have always been better than mine, so I know that whatever happens will work out for the best...and just in case there was any more doubt there, I just have to look back on how things have gone the past few days to be reminded.

Anyways, I've been going to church regularly out here at a church across the street from campus, today being the celebration All Saints Day. It really hit me hard...it brought back some memories I have been trying (and succeeding) to repress for some time, good and bad, and it also made my heart ache for a friend whose father was killed just last week in a car crash. I was really frustrated at first and even had a thought or two about leaving because of how uncomfortable I was, but then I realized, Hey, this is part of a good congregation...there are bad things in this life, and we can't pretend like they don't exist on Sunday mornings while we are worshiping. No, no. That's not conducive to being built up in faith. Things like death do exist, they do rock us to our very core (if you've known me for a while, you've seen this in my own life), they do cause us pain that we don't know what to do with, they can cause us to lose our way in faith. What's more important, however, is that the same things that threaten to destroy us are the very things which strengthen our faith. This is why we can't avoid these sermons that make bring the pain to the surface again. Although the pastor's sermon nearly made me break down, the words within it built me up once more and let me reconnect with the joy that came with that shattering situation...that joy that Heaven is greater than we can imagine, and all of those saints who have passed from this world into the next have their own beautiful place in Heaven where they are in an amazing place. The pastor asked us why we would want to have our loved ones back from this glorious experience and instead prompted us to look forward to the day where we can share their Heavenly experience with them.

What I love the most about this sermon? The timing. You never stop having waves of sorrow or regret for the lost times or times you could have with people that you've lost. Well, God works in mysterious ways, and having just watched The Notebook last night and this being the 2nd, two big reminders of the two people I miss most, I couldn't have prayed for better timing on this.

~"Heaven is a wonderful place, filled with glory and grace. When I get to Heaven, gonna see God's face. Heaven is a wonderful place." (a song we used to sing in middle school in chapel...)~