Happiness and poetry.

It's been a great past few week...wandering bookstores, seeing Fireproof (a great movie that I'd recommend to any and everyone...especially those in a relationship), ice skating, going to the mall, going out to eat a few times, making pancakes, and IM volleyball. There are some things that still need resolution, and these things are kind of burdening my heart right now, but hey, you know what? I'm not stressing. It'll work out.

It's also been ridiculously amazing with my boyfriend...it just all fits, y'know? We're off to an extremely promising start. I'm a blessed girl. =o)

The next few weeks are going to be crazy with the amount of reading for one class alone, not to mention some papers that need writing and a presentation that needs researching. I say bring. it. on.

I can't believe we're down to the last month of the semester already, though...it sure did fly by.

Aaaand leaving off with a poem today...=o)

Simples
by James Joyce

O bella bionda,
Sei come l'onda!

Of cool sweet dew and radiance mild
The moon a web of silence weaves
In the still garden where a child
Gathers the simple salad leaves.

A moondew stars her hanging hair
And moonlight kisses her young brow
And, gathering, she sings an air:
Fair as the wave is, fair, art thou!

Be mine, I pray, a waxen ear
To shield me from her childish croon
And mine a shielded heart for her
Who gathers simples of the moon.

Ouch.

I hate to admit it, but I am hurt. I am happy about my decision and feel no regrets about this transfer -- which is good, because it's too late to turn back now that I'm officially accepted -- but I was wrong in where I placed my trust in the reactions and support of those around me. The people I thought would have the worst reactions had the best, and somebody I truly thought would be happy for me is anything but.

I wish it didn't bug me like this.

I wish even more that it wasn't this way...especially when I am the happiest I have been in quite a while, and things are falling into place for amazing things. This wouldn't happen if I were still in Chicago.

~"Love is a movement. Love is a revolution." ["Love Is A Movement] - Switchfoot]~

Only by faith.

While I'm not ready to give full details yet because there are some people who I need to talk to about this first, allow me to say that things are good right now. No, things are more than that...they are great. I've gotten a lot figured out in the past few days, but the pieces have been coming together for quite a while. It's a great feeling. Granted, with these resolved things come a whole host of new unknowns to face, but they are not unconquerable. I have a pretty amazing God by my side, and His plans have always been better than mine, so I know that whatever happens will work out for the best...and just in case there was any more doubt there, I just have to look back on how things have gone the past few days to be reminded.

Anyways, I've been going to church regularly out here at a church across the street from campus, today being the celebration All Saints Day. It really hit me hard...it brought back some memories I have been trying (and succeeding) to repress for some time, good and bad, and it also made my heart ache for a friend whose father was killed just last week in a car crash. I was really frustrated at first and even had a thought or two about leaving because of how uncomfortable I was, but then I realized, Hey, this is part of a good congregation...there are bad things in this life, and we can't pretend like they don't exist on Sunday mornings while we are worshiping. No, no. That's not conducive to being built up in faith. Things like death do exist, they do rock us to our very core (if you've known me for a while, you've seen this in my own life), they do cause us pain that we don't know what to do with, they can cause us to lose our way in faith. What's more important, however, is that the same things that threaten to destroy us are the very things which strengthen our faith. This is why we can't avoid these sermons that make bring the pain to the surface again. Although the pastor's sermon nearly made me break down, the words within it built me up once more and let me reconnect with the joy that came with that shattering situation...that joy that Heaven is greater than we can imagine, and all of those saints who have passed from this world into the next have their own beautiful place in Heaven where they are in an amazing place. The pastor asked us why we would want to have our loved ones back from this glorious experience and instead prompted us to look forward to the day where we can share their Heavenly experience with them.

What I love the most about this sermon? The timing. You never stop having waves of sorrow or regret for the lost times or times you could have with people that you've lost. Well, God works in mysterious ways, and having just watched The Notebook last night and this being the 2nd, two big reminders of the two people I miss most, I couldn't have prayed for better timing on this.

~"Heaven is a wonderful place, filled with glory and grace. When I get to Heaven, gonna see God's face. Heaven is a wonderful place." (a song we used to sing in middle school in chapel...)~