Closing Out [2012]

This year...

learning 

making and admitting mistakes 

romping with the pups and the boyfriend

saying goodbye to my first kindergarten class

road trips 

roommate reunion (BFAW) minnesota-style 

a real summer break

florida

traveling with my love

saying hello to the second class

a boyfriend becoming a fiance

a dear friend's wedding 

friends having babies 

growing responsibilities 

God at work through it all

Next year...

many new beginnings

with some new   

                      k  i  n  d  s  

                                     of new beginnings 

a new home

with a new husband 

traveling 

weddings, weddings, and more weddings 

and many, many more

but God will remain the same. 

A Life Update

I've been thinking lately...since last school year at this time I have had the joy of adding an adorable dog to my home and fell in love with an amazing man and his dog...therein getting a life outside of school beyond just cleaning the apartment or the occasional social outing. :) This year for school I've also taken over Midweek at church, which is an hour-long class about the background knowledge the public school kiddos at school need for Confirmation (which the kiddos at our school get it at school during Bible class).  I have 3 5th grade girls, and it's a nice change from 16 kindergarteners. I love all of these changes!!! 

It's that time of year where my students and I have each other figured out pretty well, routines are mastered (or on the brink thereof), and I can try more and more new things with them as their independence continues to grow. In the past month I've seen an explosion of an interest in reading and especially in writing, and that makes me pretty excited! It honestly gets a bit more fun once those light bulbs start turning on because their enthusiasm increases as frustrations decrease. Those light bulb moments are what a teacher lives for.

Our Christmas program is just around the corner now, so our schedule goes out the window for a while, but I love all of the things we get to do around Thanksgiving and Christmas. I feel like this is a month of hard work, but it's also packed with fun. Then we get two weeks off to celebrate with our families, rest up, relax, and come back refreshed and ready to tackle all sorts of new things. 

Tim has been an absolutely amazing blessing, especially during the tough start to this school year where there were many days I'd come home and just cry my eyes out for a while. He's been my voice of reason encouraging me to take some time to slow down and relax, especially when I've been at my wit's end about one thing or another. He's my supporter, my helping hands, my adventurer, and my nurturer. He's my best friend and my love, and I love to think that it started out with him just being my neighbor. It's like part of my life is a fairy tale. (He's probably going to be blushing after he reads this...and yet he continues to put up with my antics!)

This coming weekend we get to go and see some old friends from college, and I'm SO excited for that. I'm even more excited to see one of them get MARRIED to an amazing woman! It's going to be fantastic! (I purposely picked "fantastic" for you, Nord.:P)

So things are good. No, wait. Things are great. 

I'm glad Thanksgiving gives us an annual pause to think about how much we've grown and the many, many ways we are blessed. It's hard not to smile thinking about so many wonderful things, big and small, in our lives, isn't it? And giving thanks makes a heart happy. 

Enjoy your time to pause on Thursday and think about all of the blessings in your life. Happy Thanksgiving!

God Is At Work

Ideas for the classroom are overflowing...and so is the excitement to make these ideas happen.

I worry that time and energy will try to thwart these plans, but I am ready to take action on not being able to do it all on my own -- accepting that I can't do it alone is just not enough to lift the weight on my shoulders from the daunting list of things that some of these projects involve. 

Shameless plug: Anyone willing to road trip out some weekend (SOON) to help...I will pay you in a comfy place to sleep, the beverages of your choice, and food! [Yes, I'm actually kinda serious, friends and family!]

These projects that I'm excited to make happen are much-longed for solutions to obstacles to efficiency or to  issues in the classroom that have gone unsolved through year 1 and thus far of year 2. Many prayers, tears, and sleepless nights have happened, so now I'm brimming with the excitement and thanksgiving for God bringing these ideas (and SO MANY RESOURCES!) to make them happen. 

It's always awesome when God answers prayers, but it seems like a nearly-overwhelming gift when He's asked you to be patient about it. It seems like there's barely been any wait on some other prayers lately, though! Things are falling into place so well that it's almost hard to believe. Sometimes you brace yourself thinking it will be so difficult for something to happen, but then you just have to laugh when God's like, "Hey, here you go, let me just open that door for you because it's exactly what I want you to do next!" 

I've noticed it seems to be going that way for a lot of people around me right now, too. What a gift to be able to see God at work in so many different ways in the lives of those around me. It's not always through great joy -- some of it has caused some heartache, I know -- but it seems like the growth is outta control right now. (Anyone else feeling this way?!?) 

How awesome to be able to share such joy with each other at how God draws us closer to Him! 

A Little Triumph, Hope, and Laughter

That surging feeling of joy and satisfaction in moments of being able to see growth from year one of teaching to year two

report card revision rather than writing and formatting from scratch
slightly more organization
less fear of taking on problems and
brainstorming solutions
a bigger arsenal of knowledge to turn to 
a mind open to imperfections and
the beauty in ever-changing and evolving plans
the ability to breathe,
take and break
into manageable and achievable little mounds to get to mountain tops.

Letting God take control of a situation after He's given me an abundance of proof that I can't do it alone

the best option isn't the easy one
but the right course immediately bringing peace
the words my heart needs and 
words to shut my mind off 
joy replacing frustration, anxiety
being able to sleep once more

The little things in life that bring laughter

things heard and remembered
unbeknownst to them and 
what's meant to be heard
that make me smile and 
chases away obligation
opening the view of the blessing
the treasure of the hours within
the four walls with them

Because just like Moses and the Israelites wandering in the desert on the way to the Promised Land
whining about the lack of food and water but
being answered with sweet manna and water from a rock and a stick
or
like Naomi and Ruth being left on their own in a culture dependent on men as the workers but
with a need to eat
finding relief in gathering wheat and a generous farmer

God provides.

And Just Like That, Fall Is Here

It feels like fall has really permeated everything now.

 As I was driving along one day, I suddenly noticed that the spots of color here and there have become entirely golden trees. It seemed like just a day later all of the hints of orange, coppery reds, and browns pushed  the remaining green away to scattered spots.

The a/c has been off for a while now. I've even had nights where I've had to shut windows from being too chilly. The mornings are crisp, and the air has taken on that subtly sweet scent that comes with fallen leaves.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me assure you that a tiny dog shivering is very dramatic. Squirt was definitely shivering this morning in the apartment. I had to put on one of his little doggy sweaters so he didn't turn into a Squirtsicle. [Can't imagine what it'll be like when the poor thing has to deal with the snow again for the first time if he's already started to get so cold...but I sense it'll make for some post material.]

"Look at him. Treats and snoozin', snoozin' and treats, that's all he cares about."*

Fall scents like pumpkin-y spiced things have become the candles of choice in my apartment, and my fall smell is in the Scentsy warmer.

Pants and long sleeves are getting comfier by the day.

Sleeping under the covers is no longer optional.

Yes, it's fall...the time of some of my favorite things -- aside, of course, from a shivering pup.

*from "Marcel the Shell With Shoes On" ...coming to a blog near you soon. :)

The Black Hole Effects

I've come to think of my classroom as a bit of a black hole when it comes to time. I can look at the clock, get to work on something, and an hour is suddenly gone when I happen to glance at the clock again.

Time slips away so magically like that mostly when I'm there trying to improve the classroom in some way/shape/form or get some plans done.

When the kiddos are there, sometimes 10 minutes can feel like an hour. Quite often, though, time slips away quickly and quickly (much like the way I try to convince them to get in line).

But I'm coming to realize this effect is slowed a little by working on things outside of the classroom's walls.

Slowed, not stopped.

Because even sitting here at my desk in the apartment it's gotten to be far past bedtime...yet it was 10 last I was aware of the time.

This clashes with all of the talk people give of making sure one is properly rested to tackle what challenges comes with a day in the classroom. Or that "stress management" is a reality more than a TV show in the background while something else is getting done or ignoring a few dishes in the sink for the sake of a few minutes to contact someone at home so they know I'm still breathing out here.

Then again, I'm well aware that the start of a school year means the end of feeling rested and truly relaxed as a teacher knows it until summer rolls around again. Long weekends are just an excuse to get some procrastinated housework or errands done; long breaks are for traveling to see family.

The number of hours in the day somehow is never enough. Somehow things get done, lessons get taught with everything being there, and I make it through the day still standing, but I wish more days afforded the opportunity to sit back and relish the successes, contemplate solutions to the failures, and to recognize the progress we're making...and a nap.

I love teaching...but I don't love so many shades of  "tired."

Or the rascally clock.

Bonus Blog!

I haven't been one that's been too great about branching out in the blogging world, but I have a few fellow blogger friends that are. One of them is a friend from back in the good ol' college days, and I love reading her blog. Emily is witty, honest, and gets you thinking. Check out her blog HERE! :)

Recently Emily nominated me for a blogging award!

Thanks, Emily! This may just be the kick in the butt I need to blog regularly again!

Well, this award has a few rules that go along with it...

1.Nominate up to 15 fellow bloggers who are relatively new to blogging.
2. Let your nominated bloggers know that they have been nominated for this award.
3. Share seven random facts about yourself.
4. Thanks the blogger who nominated you in a blog post linking them back to their blog.
5. Add the Versatile Blogger picture to your post.

Alright, two of those steps are now complete. I'll save the nominating part for later...but here are 7 random facts about me.

1. If I weren't a teacher, I would still want to work with kids. I love their energy, optimism, creativity, and imaginations at work. I also love how playful and silly they are. Never a dull moment with kids!

2. I love, love, love watching football. My two favorite teams to watch are Da Bears and the Huskers. Sometimes I get really into it though and talk back to the TV...oops?

3. I really like to crochet. It takes me forever to get any and all projects done, but it's relaxing. It's something I taught myself how to do so that I could sit still long enough to watch some TV or movies in college. I call it one of my "old lady tendencies."

4. I really like to travel! I especially like getting to go to new places, and I love flying in planes to get to those places. In the past year I've gotten to go to California and Florida, and both were brand new places for me. I also got to head up to Minneapolis on a road trip for an annual Best Friend Appreciation trip, and it was a blast. :)

5. My absolute favorite season is fall. I love the smells, the colors, the flavors (so many spiced things!), and the weather. You get to wear cozy clothes, snuggle up with blankets, and drink warm things, but it's not so cold that you are freezing all the time.

6. I'm a sucker for home improvement shows. When I'm at Tim's, we pretty much have DIY Network on all the time. If we do change the channel, it's usually to HGTV for House Hunters or Love It or List It. They are just fun to watch, and it's fun to imagine what kinds of projects are possible to take on someday.

7. If I could, I would walk around in bare or sock feet ALL the time. But that'd be silly...and cold. :)

Holding Back

We all get stuck in ruts sometimes. It can creep up on us so easily -- that's the problem. You have a routine you are comfortable in before something shifts. It can be as simple as a change in schedule or being caught up in other things. Whatever the reason, that one change can make it easy enough to come up with excuses not to go back to that routine. Suddenly you find yourself missing that old routine, but you aren't sure how to make it happen again.

That's how it's been with blogging for me. Well, writing at all, really.

Part of it is the frustration of one of those phases where nothing was quite coming together the way I had hoped when I would approach the keyboard. I have a number of posts I started but abandoned because they seemed awful. That frustration branched into the idea that nobody would be interested in what I was writing about anyway. That, my fellow writers, is where we really get ourselves into trouble if we let ourselves buy into that mentality.

The second you start letting what others think affect your writing is the exact moment when the joy of writing seems to have faded. Sure, sometimes we write for others, but we mostly write for the sake of expression. Holding those words in becomes a burden when enough of them have built up inside. Writers NEED to ooze words. It's our very nature.

Don't let yourself hold back. Whether you blog, journal, or whatever, just let those words pour out.

Those of you who don't write can heed these words, too. Do what you are passionate about; don't let anyone, including yourself, stop you. Holding out on our passions and talents, friends, is just a matter of excuses. Take some time to plan when you will connect with your passion again.

Return of the Moses Mentality

Many, many moons ago I wrote about the Moses Mentality. I tried to find that post again, but well, there are a lot on here, so I'll summarize instead. Firstly, the phrase is a result of a long conversation with a friend when we were both nearing the end of our college days. Now back in the Old Testament when God told Moses to step up and lead the Isrealites out of Egypt, Moses started coming up with all these excuses. 

"But God," Moses whined, "I'm not such a great speaker." 

"Well, here's your brother Aaron. He'll help you out," God said. And Aaron was by Moses' side and helped him out. 

"But God," Moses whined again, "what if those Egyptians don't believe that you sent me?" 

"Well, see your staff there? Just toss that on the ground. That'll show them," God said. And when Moses threw that staff on the ground, it turned into a snake and the Egyptians were taken aback. 

"But God," Moses whined, "what if the Pharaoh doesn't listen?" 

"Well, here's a plague. And if that doesn't work, here are 9 more. Listen, Moses, what other excuses do you have? I could do this all day." 

I've walked into this school year equipped with a whole school year of lessons, both taught and learned, and I've experienced some moments where I go, "Oh, that was  so much easier this time!" -- and those feel good. I still am constantly looking back on things and wishing I had done something differently, but that is something that will never end as long as I am a teacher. I feel a lot more confident this year. I've got a better balance going on between school and life outside of school. I've got more tricks up my sleeves to use with my kiddos. I know the value of praying constantly. Things are going more smoothly right now than they were at this point last year. And the challenges that are there? Well, they don't keep me awake at night as much. 

And yet...there are still moments where I just don't know why I ever thought this was what I should be doing with my life. I can count the number of times I've seriously considered calling it quits on one finger, fortunately, but sometimes we all find ourselves whining to God despite knowing we are exactly where He wants us to be. 

"But God," I whined, "what if the kids won't ever listen to me?" 

"Here," God said, "have some extra patience to get you through the first week." And that patience helped until we all adjusted more to each other. 

"But God," I whined, "what if the kids think I'm too mean or too hard on them?" 

"Here," God said, "listen to this child tell you how much he loves it here." And I was reminded that children are loving and forgiving. 

"But God," I whined, "what if it the whole year is full of days as awful as that one?" 

"Here," God said, "have a day filled with reminders that you're not alone. Oh, and here's some encouraging words to counteract those doubts you've let take over your mind. And here's smiles and laughter to share with your students. And here's enough time in the day to get all of your plans done. Listen, Michelle, what other excuses do you have? I could do this all day."

3rd Krauss Nostalgia

Memories of college life have been flowing through my head in quiet moments lately, but it's tough to say what's sparked them. I've realized I'm not quite sure how the friendships formed with the people who made up that core group at CUC. I hope you dear old friends reading this get some kicks out of it and get to thinking. Ohhh, those golden 3rd Krauss days, haha. [But f'real, some of you need to fill in the gaps for me. :)]

[Note: from here on out there are many "you had to be there" things...you've been warned. Read on if you dare.]

Kayla was my first roommate, so that one was easy to figure out. Still not sure how or why our room became the main hang out, but hey, it was fun. I bet it was the awesome Quote Wall. Then again, maybe it was that crazy-awesome hallway we had.

Okay, is is just me, or did Aaron seem to have just started tagging along after Arts and Ideas with a few of us back to our dorm floor to hang out? I think it was The Green Blanket that kept bringing him back.In my mind he really just suddenly became a permanent fixture in our group. Not that any of us minded knowing the Muffin Man...

And Papa Patrick. Wasn't that because of Arts and Ideas, too? 

Nicole was the neighbor that was always dropping by and making fun of herself for it, but I always loved when she would pop in. We had so many conversations about the most random things while she ate her cereal in The Purple Chair. Yup, definitely my favorite next-door neighbor in college. 

Jen has two contributing factors from what I recall: Arts and Ideas and Nicole. We had that class, and I think Nicole and Jen would come to Kayla's and my room a lot together...after bonding from many a late night spent together. You crazy night owls. 

Jason definitely was from that math class with the cranky old prof who had a crush on him which led her to occasionally give him better grades than me. That one time where I organized his math notes for him was probably the gateway to him hanging out with us all so much because he realized how awesome the people on our floor were (including honorary members Nordy and Papa Patrick), especially Jen. (Awww!)

That really was one of all-time favorite years of college. We had a lot of drama at times, but we were comfortable together. We acted crazy-silly (Mission 3rd Krauss, Triangle snowball fights, Christmas parties, and pick-up line competitions, anyone?) or annoyed one another once in a while (those smelly BOY FEET, hair on the floor, silly Cardinal fans...). We could hand out in PJs or get all jazzed up -- sometimes even in the same day. We laughed together, cried, or just hung out watching movies in the lounge as the early morning hours came our way. [And by "early hours" I really mean "ridiculously late."]

I really miss it at times. It's funny to think how a few months' time and moving to buildings just a stone's throw away from our freshman hall changed it all. Dynamics shifted as people came and went from that original group. Fights happened. Relationships grew while romances died, and vice versa. Tough events shook us and tested our bonds but strengthened them when all was said and done. Laughter, tears, and words were still shared. 

What's beautiful are the times where we still are able to do that. It's never going to be quite like that first year because it's next to impossible to be in the same place at the same time (although Chicago a few years back was pretty darn close!), but friendships like that never really fully lose their magic regardless of time or distance. 

To be honest, I think part of it is how much I miss the security of having that group. The independence of being away at school while still being able to depend on a few someones. The adventures. The familiarity. Being able to muddle through it all so very together. We were each other's stability. 

Sometimes it's hard to see where life has taken us all and to believe we all were ever those people who bonded in The Mouse House, the ones just starting out and dreaming of what life after college would be like. And yet...here we all are, all over the country, doing amazing things. 

And now to leave you with a fitting portion of one of the things that bonded us that year... Wicked...

So much of me is made of what I learned from you, 

You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart. 

And now whatever way our stories end 

I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.

                                                     ["For Good"]

More Than 24

I know my birthday was all the way back in June, but it's taken a while to find the words to capture exactly what I wanted to say. I was kinda dreading my birthday this year. Well, maybe not dreading it, but I wasn't too excited about it at first. I was really bummed not to be home for it, to be honest, and I thought it was just going to feel like any other day.

Tim and I started making plans, though, and it started getting more exciting. As we talked about it, I also told him how I just wasn't too excited. He told me he really didn't understand why, so I tried to explain it to him. I actually was feeling like it was surreal in a way to be turning 24 and truly feeling like an adult. He pointed out that I've been one all through college, but I clarified that I meant the "adult" I always looked forward to being -- one with my own place, my own job, my own bills, etc...being fully in the adult world. It just didn't feel real at all.

Then it clicked.God brought so many things together in my life, especially just since my last birthday...

• A job I love
• A place of my very own
• A dog to love and spoil rotten...which became two! 
• A wonderful boyfriend to share a beautiful relationship with
• A knowledge so much deeper that corresponds with my independence
• The support of amazing family and friends to help me through everything

And you know, suddenly 24 became real to me. More than that, it became a real blessing.

The day itself was absolutely remarkable. After a wake up call from that sweet boyfriend of mine, I got some things done at home. Tim surprised me with coffee, roses, and a wonderful card before we went to Lincoln for a few hours for some lunch and a Target adventure. We made a surprise stop at DQ on the way home and got a birthday cake [I picked out a cake witha tractor to commemorate the first year of officially living in Nebraska, hehehe]. After Tim left for work, I got some birthday phone calls from friends and family, watched Scrubs while crocheting, and talked to Tim once more before calling it a night. I went to bed loving the day and feeling like a treasured princess.

24 ended up being one of the best birthdays...and to think I started off dreading it! It's been a good first few months of being this old, and I'm excited to see what other adventures come before I turn 25. :)

Yes.

Music That Moves

Music comes in different forms. There are songs that take us back to moments or chapters in our lives and reawakens memories and feelings. Some songs you can't listen to without belting out at the top of your lungs, the ones that have become an anthem of sorts in your life. There's the kind of music that you can put on while you get lost in your own thoughts, or the kind that you put on to match your mood. And who can forget the kind of music that demands that you instantly start to jam out, whether it's blaring it in the car while you're on a road trip or dancing like a maniac in your kitchen while you're putting dishes away.

The best kind of music, if you ask me, is the kind that makes you stop and think when you're done letting every part of it wash over you.

A few weeks ago at a church in Florida a singer preceded the message with this song. I was left stunned by the lyrics and how they speak to how many feelings that we go through sometimes as we let ourselves focus on the ways we are unworthy of the  unshakable love of God.  It speaks to the way we sometimes judge others before trying to reflect this love. Basically it captures the ways we lose sight of the fact that the love is a gift.

I'll post the video so you can hear it for yourself. If you'd rather read the lyrics than listen, look below the video for a link. Whichever way you chose, please take time to let the words sink in.

Check out the lyrics here. 

One From the List

There is something extraordinarily satisfying about completing projects that have been looming overhead for many months. A big task I wanted to take on this summer was working on reorganizing my office room to get it to be more functional.

There are still a few minor things to do (putting a few more things away, moving some books around, decorating some of the bare walls a little more), but all in all it's good. It took less time than I thought, really. It was just one day of work (plus a night or two a while ago).

I had quite a few things that I finally am throwing away -- mostly in the form of old notes and such from college that I thought I'd refer back to but haven't even thought about -- which has reduced the clutter a lot and makes it more organized. [I feel like my old roommate Brenda would be proud of me being a bit less of a pack rat and embracing minimalism a bit more. :)]

Cross one more major thing off the Summer To Do list, and move on to some others.

...like really getting in the zone for school prep during this last month of break. *gulp*

         .....and blogging more often. 

(among other adventures, of course.)

These Weeks

Sometimes there are weeks that are just are without being anything more than average. 

Sometimes there are weeks that are so crazybusy that they are over before we know it. 

Sometimes there are weeks that are slower than the time it takes paint to dry. 

And sometimes in the midst of any of those weeks there is a day that draws to an end and leaves you unable to do much more than shake your head and laugh at how radically it has turned out compared to how you envisioned it. 

Oh, life. You are beautiful with the surprises tucked into each day, each week...including the things that amuse us. 

Battling the Paper Enemy

Sometimes when I write it seems like the words that pour out of me come out of nowhere. I suspect other writers know exactly what I'm talking about. It usually is because somebody needs to hear the very words that are pouring forth from unknown depths, even if that somebody is a future version of ourselves. 

The words in the rest of this post are contained on a sheet I found tucked away in a journal from last year, and it's exactly how I've been feeling about blogging for a couple of months now. The date at the top says it's from April 2011. 

I sit, coffee nearby, pen in hand, staring at the enemy. how long do I have to stare to gain enough courage to conquer? 

I wonder how long it's been since I made my last real attempt. Months, at least. Wait -- months? I sigh. I'm more of a coward than I thought. 

I have let the idea of writing turn me into a fearful person. But why, you ask, should a blank piece of paper terrify anyone? 

Writing is the great and powerful thing that the Wizard of Oz tried to be. It forces you to see truths, to admit them. It brings to light emotions you've fought so hard to hide. Sometimes it even makes you understand what you don't think you are ready or willing to understand. It can be brutal, my friend, leaving yourself with reopened wounds and forcing yourself to seek healing. 

And that blank piece of paper, the one that lies there looking harmless and innocent, has a terrible hunger. It thirsts for those emotions, those realizations, the confessions. It feeds off of every single bit of ink put into it. It craves those writing frenzies. It taunts you to give it your best and your worst, your everything. It wants your secrets, your truths, your thoughts, your emotions, your life. It will stare you down until it gets what it wants. 

And the pressure of writing it heavy, crushing at times. Think of all of those well-known writers you've encountered. How graceful and eloquent they seem. They are true masters of writing who tell the paper what is going to be written there, who have not let that hunger overtake them. They have conquered the enemy. The words they have written are accepted, considered, appreciated. They are thought-provoking, captivating words. They are often profound to some degree. My words are nowhere near the masters'. Mine sink down, down, lost in the abyss of words that fall short of the magic those masters' words held. 

And so I sit, coffee in hand, pen in hand, staring at the enemy. And I sigh, put my pen down, and let the blank paper defeat me again. 

Dashes of Beauty

a wake up call

sunshine and dew greeting a ten-legged trio

catching up with God for a while

flowers, coffee, and a kiss

long conversations about anything and everything

a trip transitioning from tentativeness to reality

grocery shopping -- deal scoping, bike hunting, systematically searching

a beautiful card with wonderful words

shortcake with strawberries and whipped cream stacked together (a dessert that screams "SUMMER!")

a pair of sleepy, cuddly dogs

friends spread across the globe sharing smiles and laughter through computer screens and microphones

the perfect temperature with a breeze and no humidity as the sun goes down

a backdrop of soft colors behind a field where the glimmers of lightning bugs make a girl think she's walked into a fairy tale

love [in so many forms] gracing the day

A Pause for a Breath

Picture yourself running with all you've got. Now imagine that you've reached the end of the run, and you're standing there trying to catch your breath and trying to find a place to sit and rest for a minute to recover.

It's been a while since I posted, but since then I've made it through the last legs of a race, took time to catch my breath, and have mostly recovered. The month of May was filled with the ending of my first year of teaching, a trip to MN, enjoying some time doing nothing, and company coming into town. There were many wonderful opportunities to rest a little after a rapid race that went on since...well, I guess it feels like it was that way since before I moved. 

This is the very first true summer break in a few years...no classes to take, no moving...and it's glorious so far. 

Things on the agenda for this summer include: 

- Traveling to places near and far. 

- Adventuring. 

- Bike riding. LOTS. 

- Photography work. 

- Creating things. 

- Revamping classroom things/lessons. 

- Catching up with many people whom it's been WAY TOO LONG since I've gotten to talk to. 

Goodness, I'm excited...

Sometimes God Whispers His Love

...through the cold, wet nose-touch that precedes the lapping tongue of dog-kisses.

...in the inexplicably random urge a kindergartener has to encourage the 17 bodies surrounding him to smother the teacher in a group hug.

...through the quiet voice of a child whose words reassure the teacher that something went right after all (despite it feeling like a depressing flop).

...in the way two sets of arms fit perfectly into the kind of blissful hug that makes the world melt away.

...through the colors in the sky as the sun starts sinking.

...in the mounting stillness of the night as less and less people are awake, as even the dogs doze for the night.

...through the passing days full of lessons, growing knowledge, and things coming together beautifully.

Another Summer Project

This is going on the list of things I am going to do with the summer.

...because the big blocks were the most awesome thing in the classroom aside from Mrs. Z.

 

Powerful Words

Oh, hi there. I'm resurfacing for a little while because of a video a friend shared on Facebook.

This is one of those that I plan on watching over and over again, especially on days where I feel like what I'm doing doesn't matter or is doing more harm than good. 

If you work with kids, have kids, or just love kids....this video is for you, too. 

Spring Cleaning

It's tough to ignore the writer within demanding time to slow down and truly contemplate things, savoring them until they dissolve into some semblance of meaning. 

Ideas have been rolling around in my head. 

Words are threatening to spill out of me whether I want them to or not. 

My mind has gotten too crowded to hold the must-dos and to-dos and need-tos and want-tos and should-dos while these ideas pile up unused. 

I not only want to write, I need to. 

My head can't handle it when I don't. 

And neither can my attention span. 

Or, truth be told, my heart.

I could claim that life has kept me too busy or shape some other excuse, but the reality is that words can be powerful, sometimes too much so. Within them can lie some truths we don't want to face, possibilities we don't want to consider, or stories we just aren't ready to revisit. Writing challenges us to look reality square in the eye and examine it boldly. Honestly, it takes guts sometimes, and sometimes I lack them. 

I'm challenging myself to get back in the habit of squaring my shoulders, anchoring my feet, and holding my chin high as I look life in the face and consider all it has to offer. 

I'm done holding so much in...it's time to open up and free up some space in this head of mine again. 

Nebraska Fans to the Core

Scene: A kindergarten classroom where the teacher is reading a book about the Easter story to the kiddos.

Students: What does "victorious" mean?

Me: Well, think about a football game. What's Miss M's favorite team?
Students: The Huskers.
Me: What's Miss M's other favorite football team?
Students' Various Answers:
The Corn...Huskers?
Nebraska Huskers?
Nebraska Cornhuskers?
Me: What team do I tell you is why I always put blue and orange together, guys?
Students: Ummm....
Me: (sigh) The CHICAGO BEARS!
Students: OHHHH.

The scene continued with me using the Bears playing against the Huskers to explain "victorious."

Oh, they make me laugh so much sometimes. I love them. :)

The Aching Truth

The truths begin trickling in, but soon the tiny stream is a rushing, raging river welling up. It slams into the walls of realizations.

She is paralyzed by the forces at work within, powerless to stop them, so she allows them to well up and escape her lips.

She isn't quite sure how much time has passed, but she notices after a while that the rush has begun to slow down. Soon it has become little more than an occasional drop.

She inhales fully, comfortably, peacefully, and begins to move forward.

Lazy Days

...waking up to double the cuddles with my pup and our overnight doggy guest.

...to catch up on thinking

...to savor coffee

...to get up early enough to catch the dew on the grass but still feel rested

...to write and write and write

...to not feel guilty about blowing off responsibility for a while

...to let my hair dry into a crazy indecisive wavy/straight mix

...to walk slowly in the sunshine

...to let music play all day

...to chase a headache away

...to relax, renew, recharge for what comes next

...to plan, catch up, get ahead, and create

Triumph

That moment where you take a deep, satisfying, relieved breath to enjoy the lifting of a burden that has been dwelling there for months...

when you realize you made it through

and maybe even did okay in the process

Next time will be better, you think.

And then you chuckle.

Next time?? Bring it on.

Exhausted Praying

That kind of exhaustion that comes with constantly being beaten over the head with how much you don't know...by the mistakes you make chasing after what those seasoned by years in the profession know now by instinct...with trying to push through it all to make it all work...

It's the kind of exhaustion I am looking forward to experiencing less frequently down the road...

Because now, this very second, I find myself recalling the frequency they told us that our goal the first year would become survival...and here I am, hoping to make it through, cringing at mistakes, praying for strength, wisdom, patience beyond measure, love, and rest.

But I pray this not just for myself, but those in their own forms of survival mode, too...because we are never alone...

My New [Possible] Obsession

After months of considering, researching, and getting some time to play in my mom's, I buckled down ands bought an iPad.

What finally convinced me was a) all of the possible applications in my classroom and b) the dodgy sound on my laptop. Not so conducive to Skyping amidt a long distance relationship, as it turns out.

I have to admit I was second guessing it a lot when I first took it out of the box and started setting it up. I was super-reluctant about anything with a touch screen and resisted them for a good, long while. After spending some time exploring apps and playing around with it, though, I love it. One of my favorite things so far has been how great the sound is so I can play music while puttering around my apartment. It's now my favorite cleaning companion.

I'm pretty excited to see what else I can do with it...including with this blog. Perhaps some more vlogs will be in order. :)

Doubled Puppy Love

I'm not sure who loves Squirt's friend Danny more, him or me.

What I can tell you, though, is that the only thing better than coming home and getting bombarded by a little bundle of furry joy is getting bombarded by that little bundle of furry joy and his big bundle of ecstatic energy sidekick when I go to get my pup. It's the perfect pick-me-up at the end of the school day.

Danny even came over to play tonight for a while because it was really nice having the extra company for a bit.

Dogs...the perfect companions for when you want to be left alone but don't want to be alone,

when you want to cuddle,

when you're cold,

when you want to be needed,

when you need an extra dose of love,

when you want to be reminded that you're adored even when the ones who would are far away,

when you want to play for a while instead of work,

whenever.

Every day it's becoming more clear why they call dogs man's best friend. Getting Squirt was definitely one of the best decisions I've ever made. I don't know how I could've gotten through some of these weeks without him.

Thanks

For surprise hugs at the absolute perfect moment,

a day that has an end,

learning to learn and move on,

a strawberry literally the size of my palm and the perfect sweetness,

double the dog kisses and cuddles,

having friends nearby,

a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from an amazingly thoughtful boyfriend,

a surprisingly yummy homemade dinner,

phone calls being easier than expected,

a clean kitchen and bathroom,

plans for a hot shower,

a Skype date to look forward to,

and good music....

I am thankful today.

Victory, I Claim Thee

It's a proven fact that first year teachers get sick all. the. time. Proven by me, even, much to my despair and/or frequent attempts to persuade my body to be anything BUT ill.

Today, my friends, I sit in this chair to type to you that the W-L column officially has a 1 in the W column now.

A few weeks ago I was boasting that out of the onslaught of ailments [Read: 3] making rounds in my classroom, I had only had 2/3 of them.

This morning I thought for sure karma came back to bite me in the butt. My eyes were itchy, watery, and all around disGUSTing. I feared the worst: pink eye. I called the secretary in a panic to find out what the protocol is for that.

Went to school.

Went to eye doctor over lunch.

Was told it wasn't pink eye.

Breathed a sigh of relief.

Thanked God for allergies.

Laughed about thanking God for allergies.

*pause*blink*pause*

*burst into song and dance*

BOOYAH, GERMS! YOU DIDN'T GET ME THIS TIME! SHABAM!

That's right, my immune system is [slightly] awesome today.

Now, about those allergies...

A Weekend (And Friendship) Summed Up In One Picture

A Tale of [Grocery Shopping] Woe

The tale within this post requires me to inform you of the process of making a grocery list in this household.

1. Tuesdays are the day the local information paper comes out which contains fliers for the grocery stores. The first step is getting that paper up to the apartment. [ And let me just say that there is a certain thrill upon opening the mailbox every Tuesday. A weekly routine doesn't take the joy out of seeing mail in that tiny metal box.

2. Whenever I get time (or start running out of either food or creativity to make whatever food remains into something edible), I peruse the ads for the grocery store up the street, figuring out what things I need to restock the cabinets or what sounds good for meals and add 'em to the list. [Anything not food-related goes on the Walmart list, for those who are curious.]

3. Grocery shop.

Now that that's out of the way...see, what happened was...

This week they advertised Racine kringle!! Definitely made the list. I was soooo excited to grocery shop! I could practically taste the pecan-y deliciousness already. My mouth was watering at the thought.

[ For those who have no idea what kringle is, it's a Danish pastry made in an oval and best served absolutely any time whether there is rhyme or reason or not. It's one of Racine's best qualities, really.]

When I got there I hunted that bakery section down because they moved it on me! Of all the weeks to move the store around, why, oh WHY was it the week of having kringle?! And when I found it, do you know what was there?

....everything but kringle.

*siiiiiigh*

Good thing Easter's in a few weeks.

Little Treasures

surprise hugs.

surprise group hugs.

productivity

(even when the desk is hiding under...everything.)

evidence of growth.

80 degree weather.

a nose pinkness traced to the sunshine.

dog friends.

people friends.

happiness.

peace.

a gentle breeze through the window.

music.

small instances of beauty tucked into long walks.

Doggy's [First] Day Out

Some days you are just thrown into the flames and hope to make it out alive. That's what the first year of teaching is really comprised of: survival. It's not always bad, but it's not typical for it to be fantastic. You just get through each moment of each day and sit down at the end thankful to be where you are, knowing you're learning daily and loving what you do. And that's enough to get you through the never-ending work and the challenging moments with students (or without, for that matter...lesson-planning block's a good time...).

Alright, I feel better now that I got that off my chest.

On a completely different note, today was Squirt's first day getting to play with dog-friend Danny while I was at school. I got a text saying it was going well and a picture of my dog all snuggled up. What can I say? My little guy's a lover, not a fighter.

And this is how my dog has been all night:

I hear ya, little guy...I feel the same way.

Still have to try out some other ways to work through the no-barking thing, of course, but I'm glad my dog won't be miserable alone during the day now. Sounds like we might get to have Danny over to play this weekend, too, and it'll be fun.

Did I mention today was in the 70s? It was glorious. A great day for a long walk with friends of the canine and human variety.

"As I put my words away..."

Once again Pandora introduces me to an excellent song.

The first verse of this song...yes. That's exactly how I feel sometimes.

This morning "putting myself away" consisted of a cup of coffee, my Bible, my journal, the phone on silent in another room, a sleeping dog, and listening to the birds outside celebrating the spring-ish weather.

bliss.

We're Never Alone

I have to share something that a friend shared with me yesterday. [ Thanks again, Teagan! Btw, you should check out her blog. She has brilliant writing, stunning photography, and an absolutely beautiful heart.]

It's this photo, but what got me was the meaning explained in the paragraph below.

Boy_Wonder, I don't know you, but I feel like we'd understand each other.

My heart swelled with comfort knowing I'm not the only one with little rituals on two particular days of the year.

It's good to know you're not alone...because yes, we always hear that God is with us, but sometimes it's nice to have these tangible reminders that we're not alone.

7

s-e-v-e-n.

It looks so small written out, doesn't it?

Seven...

the number of days in a week.

a perfect number in Biblical terms.

deadly sins.

the number of the inning Harry Caray would sing during.

the number of years without Grandma and Grandpa.

I know I post every year about it, and I know every year I will probably continue to. These two people were just too amazing not to take time to remember each year. They not only helped shape me but they defined our family.

And this year I have to write about it because it's been such a huge year for our family. Just in in the grandkids alone there have been 3 graduations, 1 going back to school, 1 wedding, 1 move, 1 new job, and 1 new business endeavor. That's a lot in and of itself, but that's not even the entire picture!

I used to believe that after somebody died you'd miss them less and less as time went on because you would just adjust to their absence and that'd be it. Turns out I was wrong. Yes, you adjust, but you never stop missing them. In fact, I have missed my grandparents more in this past year alone than I have probably since that first year without them. You can never fill the gap where somebody is supposed to be, and that gap's so much more prevalent when it's space for two.

I also never knew how much memories mean. Yes, it's great to be able to think back on the good times and everything, but I've come to realize that even memories can still teach lessons. My grandparents may be gone, but I can still see how we continue to learn by their example. We just pick it up from the stories we hear and the memories we hold now instead of getting to see it before us. What a treasure to have something to turn to, though.

There's definitely comfort in knowing they are together with each other and livin' it up with God, though. That just doesn't stop us here without them from aching now and then...and today is one of those times.

Tonight I'm going to watch Dirty Dancing. It was one of my grandma's favorite movies. I just saw it on New Year's Eve and right away could understand why.

Last night I watched A League of Their Own for Grandpa, and it's been ages since I've seen it. I really love that movie, and missed watching it with my family -- especially my cousins. I missed them most during this scene as I laughed so hard remembering my grandpa recite it for us, especially when Jen and Jordan were little and would come in hurt or upset about something. And I can't wait to be back together with my family for Easter to hear it again. Here it is, the best scene from the movie:

And one of my other favorite parts:

Our Busy Day

I hereby declare this first day of Spring Break officially a success.

I didn't make it to school, but I'm not about to beat myself up about it. I'm going for a few hours tomorrow, and I worked on a lot of school stuff here at home. A day away from school was nice. I got some things done around the apartment, too, and did a few relaxing things. It's been the perfect mix of productive, fun, and relaxing.

I forgot to mention that Squirt's been busy making friends. He's a favorite with the neighbors and Land Lady Karen, but he's also made a dog-friend whose name is Danny. Danny is part Pitbull, part Shepherd, and part Lab, and that's just what his human Tim knows. Danny was also a rescue dog, but he's still very puppy since he's only about 2. He's much bigger than Squirt, but he's a big ol' sweetheart.

At first Squirt didn't know what to make of the big brown thing bounding toward him with a curious nose sniffing away. He literally froze, put his ears down, and looked up at me with his big eyes as his way of saying, "Moooom, what's going on here?!" He's gotten much better with Danny, though, and today we went for a walk with Danny and Tim. It was such a gorgeous day that we walked about 2 miles with the pups. I now have one tired little guy.

Squirt is going to go play with Danny next week while I'm at school. We're going to see if spending the day with a friend helps ease his anxiety a little. His barking has gotten better, but he still does it sometimes and still gets nervous when I leave him. I hope this helps. It breaks my heart to leave my dog unhappy.

Skating Lessons

Today was our trip to the skating rink, and the kids LOVED it! They left already talking about when they get to go next year.

I did not skate. As I explained to one of the parents, I think I'd be more dangerous than helpful to the kindergarteners if I were on skates. I have enough issues with being coordinated enough to walk.

I spent the time trying to teach the kids to skate, picking the fallen ones up off the floor, and trying to catch some of those who were falling. Oh, and tying/untying skates. It was pretty fun to watch how determined they were even in the face of the spills they took.

I admired that greatly, and then I realized this was another lesson they were teaching me.

it's okay to fall down sometimes.

learning comes with lots of bruises.

be willing to get back up and try again -- this just may be the time you get it.

there's an unrivaled sense of joy and triumph in mastering something new.

there are few things in life more beautiful and inspiring than the laughter and smiles of a child.

Treasures of Today

A week of broken routine -- it's National Lutheran Schools Week. It's a time when Lutheran schools across the nation celebrate being a Lutheran school with fun events. Ours is only 3 days as Thursday and Friday are our Spring Break.

Today we walked to the movies and back in 70 degree weather. The sunshine and warmth, along with the novelty of the trip, refreshed us all with each breath or gust of wind.

The children marveled at the world around us as we walked; I marveled at them.

"That's the place where you go to get cracked," one girl explained as we passed the chiropractor.

The snippets of conversations saturated with excitement and joy, spotted with giggles.

Their exclamations as the dog on the other side of the fence, running to keep up with us and barking away, took them all by surprise.

The way they kept their hands clasped with their walking buddy the whole time.

The boys who volunteered to help me carry a few things back to school without me even asking.

Their delight as we passed people they knew.

That 10 minute walk to and from the theater was the highlight of my week.

And it was still beautiful enough when I got home after 5 to take my dog for a walk. The weather beckoned and stole me away from the world for a whole hour of undisturbed time to marvel at the soft touch of the breeze reminding me of what spring will bring, how far I've come since a year ago when I visited here wondering if this could ever feel like home, and letting my mind wander freely beyond the constraints of lesson plans and school work to remember how big the world is.

Yes, today was good for my heart, soul, and mind.

What I'm Looking Forward To

Spring Break is this week. Guess what I'll be watching...

FYT Adventures: Quotes of the Day

Student: K got on the wrong bus today.

Me: Where did you hear that, C?

Student: I just knew it.

Me: Was your Spidey sense tingling?

Student (looks at me with narrowed eyes and sighs): Just stop.

Student: I slammed my finger really hard in the car door last night and it left a flap on my finger. (lifts it up, grosses me out) This part underneath is the meat.

Me: What?

Student: You know, the meat.

[Ew.]

Teachers Like Teacher Humor

I'm not sure if the funniest part about this picture is

a) The student's answer

b) The teacher's response

c) The way the question has grammatical errors.

But I do know it's a good laugh during a crazy week.

Dear teacher friends, please go here if you need some laughs, too.

Recollections and Hope

"It's always this time of year my thoughts undo me."

["The Bells of New York City" - Josh Groban]

While I wouldn't go so far as to say the memories make me unravel, the fact is that this is the time of the year when there are lots of flashbacks. Time to do some smiling, chuckling, crying, and aching a little again.

7 years can make a baseball cap in the back of the car fade, but the memories remain undiminished.

Here's to the greatest fairy tale ever lived and recalling the ending that was all too fitting.

And here's to the hope that someday my own love will be a tale my children and grandchildren cherish remembering, too.

Someday I Will...

...own each and every one of these books for my children, be they in my classroom or in my home.

...have a fully functional financial organization system. [Although being halfway there ain't half bad. :)]

...get better at staying in touch with people.

...have an acceptable balance between work and play.

...make a To Do list and remember where I left it and

...cross every single item off a To Do list without adding anything to it.

...get a full night of sleep for more that just a night or two in a row. I'm talking like a week straight, at least. Maybe two if I'm really feeling ambitious.

...not rely on coffee so much. [Okay, okay, I just threw this one in for a joke. My blood's really just coffee with some blood cells floating around. Who needs that plasma nonsense?

...actually, that's kind of a gross joke. Sorry. ]

...have an organized office room.

...actually put pictures in all of the picture frames in my living room.

I'm going to end this here, but I know I could add much more to it. In fact, that's probably what I'll be doing tonight while I'm trying to fall asleep. :)

Wow, I'm really getting awful at blogging.

And I'm behind on reading everyone else's blogs, too.

I'll catch up.

I mean, summer break comes in 11 weeks.

...not that I'm panicking about that realization, but wow, that's going to go crazy-fast.

Productivity of the Pow! Variety

This weekend I have taken on a To Do list and finished nearly everything on it for school. EVERYTHING. The exception is lesson planning, which I'm currently taking a short break from. And yes, I started planning before 8 pm the night before the school week starts.

That To Do list included a major overhaul of a million things in my room and writing a new, more detailed handbook for next year, too, to hand out at Kindergarten Round Up tomorrow night.

In light of all of this professional accomplishment goodness, the only victory phrase I can think of is…

like a beast.

Totally professional, right? Hokay, so maybe I’m not completely adult-esque…

But after a period of feeling so inadequate, so useless, and like I was falling short on so many levels…I needed to push myself to be this productive this weekend. I needed this sense of accomplishment. It’s been a long, long while since I felt like I had any of this under control.

I think this renewed energy is a sign spring is getting closer.

And now to finish off those lesson plans...mwuh hahahaha....

Whirlwind

Friday: come home. play with dog. coffee. read for Bible study. go to Bible study. schoolwork until late. sleep. Saturday: half an hour of cuddling with the pups to start the day right. coffee making. schoolwork. call from grandparents. schoolwork. dishes and lunch break. schoolwork. break from schoolwork by going to work in classroom. grocery shop. talk to mom. laundry. skype date. ♥ sleep. Sunday: coffee. breakfast. church. come home with headache. twenty minute nap turned three hours. fold laundry. clean apartment. do dishes. make dinner. school work. put away laundry. wonder where the weekend went.

Snippets

laughter in copious amounts and

spanning all ages and

relationships and friendships make

today a beautiful day

kids saying things they don't intend to be funny but

instead are meant to celebrate the joys they have found like

the smell of smelly markers or an epic spaceship out of legos and

make me admire their purity

a deep breath to calm nerves rubbed the wrong way while

knowing this, too, is a teachable moment for

both of us and

i hope i don't mess it up and

pray for the wisdom, strength, but mostly

the guidance to

make the most of it

the flowers i was sure were dead and

had tossed in the trash but

were plucked out and saved by

a patient, more knowledgeable soul who

warmed them, loved them, coaxed some life out and

some hope lingers there yet

and just when i thought for sure they are ready to

leave and never come back because

that's perhaps how i feel too they

start to swarm and

arms encircle me

love surrounds me and

warm my heart and

reassure me

this is my place

because five and six are forgiving, forgetful ages

and untainted by silly adult anxieties

he's nearly tripping over himself as

he wags his nubbin of a tail while

trying to jump on me all at once when

he's free of his gated kitchen corral

and he sits in the seat next to me for

the whole 3 minutes it takes to drive

back to school for the forgotten but

he licks my hand the whole way to say

hey, it's okay. i still love you.

the words pouring out from the

mind to the pen to the paper to

clear the swirling thoughts because

once they are trapped in ink there is

no going back to clog this mind and

i'm renewed.