Farewell, 2015.

I'm one of those people that gets that reflecting on the year on New Year's Eve can get cheesy fast, but 2015 demands to be considered and remembered. I used to write on my blog a lot more often to do just that, and it became a way to connect with my family and friends as life brought me new places. I miss having this to look back on like when I blogged almost every day for a year, and I need to have a place for these things from this year. My heart and mind have been filling up with these thoughts as the holidays have been upon us, and here I'll leave them to make room for new thoughts and feelings. Perhaps someone else needs these words for their thoughts and feelings, too.  

A new year begins with excitement and anticipation of what lies ahead, and I think it's safe to say that it's never what you're expecting when you daydream about the possibilities. You focus on the good things that could happen, but naturally there are always challenges that come along. A whole year brings about a lot of growth and change. You cannot walk out of one year into a new one as the same person you were 365 days ago. 

If I had to pick two words to capture 2015, they would be blessed and extreme. 

Our world was rocked this year by a couple of awful events, and it really brought me a new understanding of what it is to trust God completely. My dad's accident and losing my step-uncle Mark were absolutely tragic, and it was the extreme part of the year. Any of the other negative things that have happened this year truly pale in comparison. 

Throughout everything I know God's love is endless, and it poured through every single day. It is nothing short of a miracle to still have my dad today. God's love poured in through the way my family and I were able to lean on each other through it all, the way all of us could be strong for each other when one of us hit the wall, the way we helped take care of each other and never let each other handle it alone, the way we'll cherish each other even more after the powerful reminder that life truly is a gift. It was there in the heartache reminding us of the strong faith Mark had that means he's living it up in heaven right now, and I can't even imagine the awesomeness surrounding him. It's in the way I want to strive to encourage others, make them smile, and be there for them like my uncle was. It's in the way we are closer as a family and strive to continue to support one another. God's love is constant. 

Whether I was feeling heartbroken or I couldn't feel anything in the rough stuff I could at least be thankful to have the presence of God in my life. There was never a time I was truly alone or hopeless. The times I was in danger of falling into those feelings were the times I'd get a call or a text or have someone to talk to that would remind me of the greatness of God at work even when I couldn't see or feel it. Our God is bigger than our feelings and our circumstances. I needed to write that here as a reminder to myself but also to the world, especially with all the "yuck" we face each day. Remembering that is the key to moving through the next moment, hour, day, week, month, year...even when we think it's impossible to go on.

Romans 12 has been a chapter of the Bible I've clung to since I student taught in Texas. It was the focus of a sermon series that guided me through a confusing, intimidating, and tough transitional time in my life. I've revisited Romans 12:12 many times this year and will continue to hold close to my heart. It says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." If you're wondering what my New Year's Resolutions are, there you go. Because God will never fade, change, or give up on me or you, and I'm going to continue to lean into that love each day. 

Here's to being thankful for having an awesome, loving God. 

Here's to being thankful for the health, happiness, and togetherness of my family this year and the time we got to spend with them this year. And here's to growing closer to each other. 

Here's to hopes and dreams of the good to come in 2016. 

Here's to helping each other get through the "yuck" we'll face in 2016. 

Here's to faith, hope, and love. 

Now off to a big night of writing in birthdays, anniversaries, etc., on our new 2016 calendar with the puppies sleeping nearby on the couches and shamelessly binge-watching Gilmore Girls while I wait for my hubby to drive back from work. Stay safe and have fun, y'all! 

The Many Adventures of Scout

If I didn't think the world would be bored with me blogging about my dogs all the time, I could do the blog every day challenge again just about those three. Honestly, part of why I don't blog as much anymore is because the dogs are such a huge part of our lives but that's not as interesting to the rest of the world. But they are pretty adorable...

Anyways, today I took Scout adventuring with me and had moments that made me a proud momma but even more that made me shake my head. Gotta love our wild child.

Scouty-Scout's day started like any other Saturday -- outside time, breakfast, staring out the window, and snuggling on the couch for a nap. What he didn't know was that today also held getting microchipped. We want him back if he gets out or gets lost somehow. We've been fortunate that he's not the wanderer and fence-squeezer his brother Little Houdini Squirt is. Fast forward to a little after nap time and he happily sat to get his leash on to go on a car ride. He LOVES car rides.

He likes the Humane Society because that's where we did two out of our three sets of obedience training, but he knew something was up when we went to a little room instead. Two of the workers held him, but he escaped. I tried to hold him, but he escaped again. I waited outside instead, and it still took them a few minutes before they could secure him enough to chip him. When they called me in again, he slipped by me and I fumbled the collar-catch (#momfail) so he took off running through the Humane Society.

Naturally Scout ran into a room full of people celebrating a sweet little girl's birthday. As the staff ran in with me they yelled, "Animal Control! Animal Control!" I immediately envisioned my dog becoming one of Those Dogs who knock over a table of cake and ruin the day, but fortunately he ran under a table and cornered himself so we caught him easily. I grabbed him by the collar (VERY firmly so there would be no more fumbling) and apologized profusely. As we headed back to the small room to get re-leashed up I just said, "And THAT'S why he got microchipped." Turns out that the party was for the daughter of one of their animal control officers. (Hence their yelling as they entered the room, you see.)

Naturally Scout was tired after this fight-or-flight ordeal so he was pretty chilled out when he sat down in the car. I explained to him that I was very sorry he didn't enjoy his experience but it was important that he'd be safe and get back to us if he ever got lost because we love him very much. I said that even though he was a party-crasher and forgot his manners that I would take him to Petco to make up for it. Once again my ulterior motives were unbeknownst to Scout.

We had 3 missions at Petco:
1) Get an engraved tag with our cell phone numbers on it
2) Find a harness that fit him securely now that's he's full grown
3) Get some chewy treats for all the boys

Yes, we accomplished all three with the biggest incident from Wild Child being either his resistance to helping me get him into the harness to try it on or the whining he did the whole time I prepped the tag and we waited for it to get engraved. He whines very dramatically when he has to sit and wait because Scouts do not like being bored. He also threw in a few pterodactyl-yawns in case I'd forgotten how our previous ordeal had tired him out. Is this how it feels to have small children?

After all of this I thought he should get something besides misery for the day from me so off to get some fries to share. He was such a good boy at Sonic. He laid down and did not try to snatch a single fry from me or the bag. He waited until I offered him some before he ate, like the gentleman he sometimes remembers to be. Game on when we got home, though. I was in the process of setting my hot dog down and he grabbed it from the bun and ate it in .02 seconds! The whole thing! Well, the whole thing minus the ONE bite I'd gotten to take. After a full morning of adventures and an extra-full belly from lunch -- mine AND his-- he's currently napping like this:

Stay tuned for more adventures of the Wild Child. There's never a dull day with this guy around.

Fellow Twentysomethings, Let's Be Real.

I've been doing some soul-searching lately to remember things I enjoy doing. I realized earlier this year that I let my job take over so much of my time that I lost connections with family, friends, and myself. I let myself believe it was okay to put more time into my work all the time because teaching is my calling. What I forgot was that I'm called to be so much more than a teacher; I'm also a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a friend.

What a heart-wrenching realization when you spend a long time doing what you think is right only to find out how wrong you've been. I've been grappling with this ever since I realized my problem, and I set out to make it better. Yes, I have a passion for teaching that goes to my core, but I also have a passion for taking care of the people in my life. But I know I'm not the only one that feels this struggle.

I've gotten to have some good heart-to-hearts with family and friends alike over the past few months that have helped put things into perspective. I'm so grateful for those conversations about the nitty gritty truths of our challenges, our hopes, and overcoming the feeling that somehow we're falling short. No matter what age you are, there are always things changing that you have to sort out. Some changes are easier than others, naturally, while others will shake you to your core. 

I think we all got this idea in our heads as kids that we'd have it all figured out when we got to be an adult. Now many of us that dreamed together in high school and college about when life would be "easier" are finding out that adulthood isn't really about having it all together but striving to do the best we can. We've been spending our twenties transitioning from childhood to adulthood wondering when we'll feel like we've gotten the hang of things. I'm realizing that so many of us have been withholding those feelings of failure or of being caught up in an overwhelming call to balance work, hobbies, family, and friends, and so many of us haven't dared to admit that it's tough. So many of us have held in how we are just trying to make it through each day. We feel like we have to hold up this front that yes, we figured it out just like our Facebook friends who are having the time of their lives living each day. 

I've sat down to write this post many times over, but I've given in many times to letting myself think that I'm the only one that struggles with figuring it out. I don't want to hide that battle anymore now that I know I'm not the only one feeling that way. We need to give our struggles words and voice our feelings so we can help each other through it. No, we may not always have the answers, but we trust that we'll get through. God promises us that He'll never leave our side, not that life is going to be easy. The hard part is trusting continuously, even when things are overwhelming, scary, or discouraging. So let's help each other through the messes like we did way back when. These messes are bigger than crushes, big research papers, fights over stupid comments somebody made behind our backs, or dealing with curfew/Intervis hours, but let's be real with each other. 

And hey, no matter how much time has passed between conversations with friends, one of the best things is being able to pick up right where we left off again. Phone calls or emails or Facebook messages from old friends is such an underrated pleasant surprise. Loving someone through the tough stuff is what we're here to do. Please don't hold it in. 

Here are a few awesome articles I've read this year that have helped me realize that our struggle is real and shouldn't be hidden away. 

"43 Signs You're Definitely Becoming a Real Adult" 

(Okay, so this Buzzfeed list just spelled out adulthood in a hilarious way. So many truths!)

"What I Instagrammed vs. What Was Really Happening, Or My Entire Life is a Lie"

"11 Things Millennials Need to Know About Getting Older" 

"I'm Not a Liar But Facebook Sure Is" 

"Your Secrets Are Destroying Your Relationships"

Soothe My Soul

Restless. 

It's the word I've struggled to find to label this --  

chaos of emotions and thoughts 

pent-up energy

bursts of inspiration and motivation

determination

craving for a solid routine

adventure anticipation

-- stuff sticking inside me. 

Being restless isn't necessary a bad thing. It gives way to discovering new things to try or rediscovering long-lost interests. It gives way to ideas, creativity, and ambition. It gives way to productivity. 

But you know, being restless can be pretty darn uncomfortable. I always have a lull before I launch myself into something when I'm restless, and that lull is when I feel lost. I don't handle that feeling well -- it makes me cranky. 

I've been throwing myself whole-heartedly into words and music to push away the restlessness.

I know this time lately has been a gift -- a chance to slow down, digest, recharge. 

The busy season will come again when time for excessive words and music-making and listening is a limited luxury, but will you take a breath here with me and jump in to soothe your soul? 

Let these words in Ann Voskamp's post "something to hold on to when you're tired & the world's broke your heart a bit" sink into your heart and mind. Carry them with you as you go out to love on others. 

Sometimes I still feel like a stranger in this town we've called home for two years, and yet I still have a hard time leaving it when we travel and feel a swell of joy and peace when we return to it. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that sometimes feels like a stranger somewhere. I bet you feel like that sometimes, too. Ann Voskamp wrote another post here that speaks to that stranger feeling. (I really love her beautiful writing, can you tell?!)

These songs are completely opposite styles, but they both bring a peace and joy to my soul that makes me want to sing and praise God and helps me push through the yuck. I promise I won't judge you if you sing or dance to rock out along with them. 

Now go out and face the world, friends, and pass on the love and joy. 

Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday. That amusing trend of posting a picture of something from way back when. It takes us back to funny memories, good memories, and sometimes embarrassing ones.

I don't often do it, sure, but that's mostly because I'm forgetful. But isn't it a beautiful idea?

Let's throwback to this, a moment...

that made us laugh until we couldn't breathe or speak

of  sitting around with our siblings and cousins, the first true friends we had

from the family vacations that meant it was truly summertime and we could soak up sunshine every day

showing favorite childhood toy or place, like the park you'd play every weekend

from the high school plays and games with the people who got us through those 4 long years

where that cousin that's all grown up now was an adorable toddler running around

of being crazy with the college friends that were family away from family 

of hideous fashion choices that make us rue the day our offspring will ridicule us for wearing

that brought us     j     o     y

because yes, these moments are beautiful

and this world needs all the beautiful things in it to overshadow all the yuck out there

and help hope, joy, and love reign.

The One Where Emily Picked My Brain!

The wonderful Miss Emily at Love Woke Me Up This Morning  nominated me for the Liebster Award! (If you are like me and clueless about many things in the blogsphere, this is probably one of the best explanations I found when I researched it.) Thanks, Emily! (Btw, be sure to check out her blog if you haven't already. I met Emily back in college and have loved her fun, enthusiastic, and honest personality that really shines through in her blog as well. Seriously, you'll love it.)

Now, here's what you do:

Link back to who nominated you. 

Answer the Qs the nominator asked you. 

Nominate 11 other bloggers (preferably with less than 200 followers)

Create 11 Qs for the 11 bloggers in step 3. 

Notify your nominees!

And now here are the questions from Emily:

1.  What TV show are you LOVING to binge watch right now?

I'm not gonna lie, my mom and I watched an episode of "Married At First Sight" once, and before we knew it we were hooked. We both record it and watch it at the same time now. I don't know what it is about that show, but I'm hooked! 

2. Tell me about your dream home.

I love having a decent-sized yard with space for our garden, to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful weather, and of course for our 3 crazy dogs to run around and play. That's a MUST! I also like having a room specifically for an office/computer/craft space. My dream house also must have room for guests! Someday I would love, love, LOVE to have a front porch to put a swing or comfy chairs on so we could just sit outside there and watch cars go by. But my biggest dream house requirement? It has to be comfy. My dream is for people to walk into our home and feel comfortable because it's decorated in a functionally-cute kind of way, and they can feel that it's filled with love here. You know those homes where you walk in and instantly feel at home? That's my ultimate dream more than any physical feature we could add or buy. 

3. What's the best book you've read so far this year?

I have to say that the best non-fiction I've read is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It has some great Biblical information to ponder and to use to motivate some healthy balance in life, and it's helped me make some changes for the better in my life. Fiction-wise I'd have to say that I really like Sue Grafton's "O" is for Outlaw. I've been tearing my way through the series over the past few years, but that one's been my favorite. I love the voice Grafton has given to the main character, Kinsey Millhone. She's very feisty, sarcastic, and factually blunt. She's one of my most favorite fictional characters ever. 

4. If you could run away and live in another country for a year, where would you go? Even name the exact city if you know!

I think it'd be fun to go to Europe for a year! I'd love to travel around to some of the places with literary significance, like to see the Little Mermaid statue in honor of Hans Christian Anderson, the Globe Theatre, and all kinds of places like that. I also would love to see Poland just once in my life, and I'd love to travel to Germany to see the city where my husband was born. There are just way too many fun places to see to stay living in just one country there...and probably too many to see in just a year. Maybe we'd have to make it two! ;) 

5. I'm hungry. If I'm coming over to your place for lunch, what are we going to have?

When it comes to lunch, I'm pretty simple. I'd probably have a bunch of things for making sandwiches, some fresh fruit and vegetables to munch on with lunch, yogurt, and some cookies for dessert. We'd put our lunch on paper plates and enjoy the awesome weather by eating outside. Don't worry-- I'd put the dogs in the house so those rascals didn't try to steal any of your lunch. And if you aren't a sandwich eater, I'd offer to take you out to eat! :)

6. Tell me about, or show me, your favorite photo you've taken so far this year and why it's your favorite.

First of all, this is my first successful panorama on a cell phone ever. That victory in and of itself is one reason why I love this picture. This was a night sandwiched between the end of all things school-related and our anniversary, and we were just relaxing while Tim was grilling. There were storms coming, but they were north and south of us at the time. It was the first Sunday in a really long time without the stress of finishing up lesson plans and knowing I had to get up early the next morning. I got to play with the dogs and hang out with my hubby stress-free and just soak up the first taste of summer. 

7. What was your favorite part of summer when you were a kid?

I loved how late the sun would be up! That was awesome! I was constantly outside as a kid, and that meant I could play longer. When I got older, summer was bonfire season with my friends. It was always worth it to smell like smoke because we would talk, burn things (intentionally and unintentionally...), and hang out. I miss having late nights around the fire like that.

8. If you could live inside of a movie, which one would it be?

Obviously anything Disney! The music, the artwork, the characters...yesyesyes please! 

9. What vacation do you wish you could repeat?

Alaska. I've been blessed to go twice and both times were truly different experiences but awesome in their own ways...and the scenery is absolutely stunning. The first time was for the wedding of two dear friends, and a bunch of us crazy college kids spent time with our friends' families and got to do some awesome things, see amazing places, and just enjoy being together. The second time was on a cruise with my husband's side of the family, and we got to spend so much time together. I cherished that so much! We also go to get out and do some great things, and we got some wonderful pictures while we were up there. (Tim's are way better than mine, though!) 

10. We complain about blogging a lot - what do you still LOVE about?

I love getting to share things that are going on in our little corner of the world -- and sometimes just things in my own head -- with my family and friends that read this blog. I know there are a few others that stumble on this now and then, but I really love sharing this stuff. I've come to realize my family happens to be my biggest blog fans, too, and I really love that. My family's absolutely amazing. 

11. And I'm stealing from Angie because this question was just so good- what has been your favorite moment this year so far?

I would say that it's been a collection of moments over the past few weeks, not just one. We never want anything bad to happen to anyone we love -- but the fact is that sometimes it happens. In all the ups and downs of everything lately, there has been more proof in the past few weeks that there are ALWAYS things to be thankful for than I think I've ever noticed in my life. It's been the moments of "I love you" passing between family members, the hugs, the long heart-to-heart conversations, the tears we've shed together, the text messages and phone calls offering support, the endless patience of my husband dealing with my extremes of emotions and loving me through them, the overwhelming joy that comes with the victories, and celebrating the strength and determination of my dad. It's the moments that add up to what carries you through the tough stuff and makes you marvel at how power the love we give to other people truly can be. It's those moments where love truly trumps everything else that have been my favorite. (Even though that's more than one!)

Alright, that was a lot of fun! Thanks again, Emily! I'd write up questions and nominate bloggers, but let's be real, guys...Emily's already done it, and I don't know many other bloggers! I'll gracefully bow out of that part this time. If anyone else is up for the challenge, though, feel free to share your answers to the questions above! :) 

Growing.

It's the end of another school year, and I can now say I have taught for 4 years in my own classroom. This is a calling to do both what I am passionate about and gifted to do, and I love, love, love it. It has always been challenging to be doing this in a state with zero family. And let's be real: feeling alone is hard.

There have been plenty of times I've been upset about being here, shed tears, and even wondered what it'd be like if things had gone differently. There are times I get frustrated that we don't know more people or have more friends here in the same city. Sometimes I just get sad. I'm blessed by the thought that I have some dear friends that still live in the state, but the reality of our lives is that our responsibilities and demands on time keep us apart more often than we'd like. It's pretty much the same as if they didn't live here. Someone shared an article called "16 things only people who live far away from their families will understand" on Facebook a while ago, and 1) the lack of proper capitalization in the title is driving me bananas and 2) so many of the things in it are spot on. You can read it right here.

I also know that this is exactly where God wanted me to be. When I look at how things played out for both of these teaching jobs, it's funny how God really made it fool proof that these were the jobs for me. And of course there was getting Squirt, meeting Tim and Danny, marrying that handsome man, and starting our life together here in this house. We have met some great people along the way, and none of this would have happened without moving here. Plus we have so much fun showing our family this little corner of the world when they come to visit. We're constantly finding new things to do here!

These blessings don't always feel as special when I am lonesome for our family, but we have their support and encouragement. I love where I work and have met some pretty amazing people in multiple schools here. It helps that this is my calling. It helps that my husband gets to do what he loves every day. It helps that we've made this a home. Oh, and it helps that Nebraska is so, so beautiful.

"Grow where you're planted," a friend of mine shared during chapel one day. It isn't always easy, but growing is exactly what we're doing each and every day.

Oldies But Goodies

I know it's Tuesday, but consider this a late Music Monday. ;) 

I've been so amped up in the car the past few days because I broke out the ol' stash of mix CDs that accumulated in my youth. It's so fun to jam out to some forgotten old favorites and relive some of the memories that come crashing back. There is just something about summer that makes me super-nostalgic. 

Here are some of the top jams yesterday and today: 

"Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi - good for belting at the top of your lungs in the car on 8+ hour car rides, singing for karaoke, parodying on the way to Lincoln and back, performing legendary air guitar solos to during friends' wedding receptions, or blaring on blah weather days. 

"Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice -- because c'mon, this song is so cheesy but the beat is great for car dancing. 

"Mama Mia" with Meryl Streep -- seeing it in theaters with good friends or blaring it on the back roads of Nebraska on an unplanned "detour" with your roommates...remembering the carefree happiness while you sing along is priceless.

"All My Friends Say" by Luke Bryan -- reminds me of singing along with friends and making all kinds of faces as we sang - the kind that wouldn't make sense to anyone else but that told us exactly what the other person was thinking and made it way funnier than it should be 

"The Freshman" by Verve Pipe -- always takes me back to high school...sophomore and junior year rather than freshman year, but still. It always makes me think about how we did feel invincible at the same time that all the drama always made it feel like life was tough. Funny how now we'd all take some of that drama over some of the real adult stuff we have to deal with!

"All I Wanna Do" by Sugarland -- yup, this is definitely late high school/early college soundtrack material. I remember jamming to it when a friend and I got into our cars in the b&n parking lot at the same time one night and lip syncing through our windows because we were obnoxiously cool like that. :) 

Yup, those are just a few of the gems on just one of the CDs I've put in so far. Time to pick a different one for tomorrow -- I'll be driving for at least 3 hours total tomorrow so I may need two! 

What are some of your favorite old songs that bring back good memories?!?

Necessary Creativity

I'm finding that I cope with life a lot better when I take time to be creative, but I don't rely on blogging like I used to. I take pictures both with my camera and my phone, I immerse myself in music, or I bake. Lately I've been getting back into drawing a bit after buying oil pastels for a kindergarten art project. [Confession: I'm pretty sure I had more fun than they did!]

I'm not always good about making time for being creative, though, and can definitely feel it when I don't.

I'm so excited that Emmy over at Love Woke Me Up This Morning shared about the #morethanaframe project. I love how Amber at Mr. Thomas & me explains it all here. I'm going to be doing this project, and I hope that it is a built-in way to make time to be more creative.

We are in the last two weeks of school, and I'm in panic-excited-sentimental-exhausted-nonstop-missing-my-kids-already mode. I think I need this project to keep my sanity.

I just made my first post for #morethanaframe today to go along with the joy prompt! Check it out here!

If you're interested in participating be sure to click the link above to Amber's post. :)

Happy weekend-ing!

Music Monday: the Passenger Phase

Guys.

I have been working on a chapel message I'm giving on Wednesday and naturally have writer's block. Like any good writer, I've been procrastinating looking up good music to keep me motivated. My taste is music is super random: I started with some Glee music, moved on to Rend Collective Band, and I later stumbled on "Let Her Go" by Passenger and recalled how lovely I always thought it was when it came on the radio.

That led to a few other Passenger songs...and getting wrapped up in the beautiful harmonies...and then to today's gem.

I love music that touches me to the heart
stopping me in my tracks
consuming my attention
the kind that is so lovely it makes a lump in my throat
and mist in my eyes
because it is just so absolutely  b  e  a  u  t  i f  u  l

I also happen enjoy the band Chicago because their music is good, but it also has some sentimental value. It's part of the music that takes me back to vividly happy memories...of the actual city of Chicago, wonderful friends, and some awesome times of the past. Yup, some Chicago songs would make it onto the soundtrack of my life.

So without further adieu I present "Hard To Say I'm Sorry"...originally by Chicago but covered here by Passenger. Seriously -- just try to tell me it's not lovely.

National Puppy Day!!

These are our boys. 

We found a new kind of love when we each adopted our first babies.

Later we found each other and formed this little family.

We were surprised to come across Scout but quickly knew he was ours. 

Yup, it gets loud, crazy and sometimes smelly and slobbery here...

But these boys fill our home with more than shed fur:

they fill it with joy, fun, and love.

We are proud puppy parents. 

Happy National Puppy Day!!!

Ten.

I am a week or two late writing about this depending on how you're counting it, but I thought I was doing okay. I was bracing myself for waves of memories, but it didn't happen. I remembered, but I was shocked by how little I felt. To be honest, the last two weeks have been pretty busy with some Major School Stuff followed by a quick weekend trip to Wisconsin. It didn't leave much time for feeling anything. Well, except for the guilt that I wasn't feeling much about this 10 year anniversary. Who wants to write or read about that stuff?!

But that's the thing about feelings: the presence or absence of them does not change the facts. I still miss my grandparents. 

One of the things that continues to surprise me is how you can lose someone but you never stop missing them. The difference is in the timing. At first it's every minute of every day but over time you develop a new normal. You ride a roller coaster where you're fine for a spell and all seems well, but around the next turn there's a sudden and steep drop into a deep well of sadness. You ache over something that made this person wonderful or special to you, and you miss them. 

I remember some of the strangest little things--  how Grandpa laughed or the way Grandma called for one of us. Grandpa like Frosted Flakes when he got up in the middle of the night, and Grandma liked to read before she went to bed each night. How Grandpa was hesitant to let us mow the lawn but let us talk him into it. How patient Grandma was when we broke the lawn mower and then worked to fix it so Grandpa wouldn't regret letting us mow. The way they hardly batted an eye when a baseball broke their front window during a Sunday afternoon game. 

I still have times when I miss them all over again, and I almost feel foolish because people expect you to be "over" something that happened so long ago. But let's be honest here: you don't stop missing someone because enough time has passes. Life doesn't stop happening. Sometimes the hardest thing is that it keeps going when you want to say, "Wait! Something's not right here!" You want to share the joys and sorrows with someone that isn't there to share it with you. A part of you will always ache over that. It's hard to make sense of it when you have those aches. 

The ache came on Friday while I was at Walmart. I was buying a 50th anniversary card for my Nana and Papa and found myself tearing up. I was thankful and excited to celebrate this milestone with them, but I was also aching that we wouldn't get to celebrate that same milestone with Grandma and Grandpa. But oh, what a legacy of love they have left to us. What an example that I admire and cherish as I learn more about my own marriage each and every day. I am so, so blessed to have these two amazing couples to look up to. 

I'll continue to miss them, but I face each of these waves of sadness with the knowledge that we'll see each other again when we are in heaven together. 

This song is one that's near and dear to me because my cousin Jess and I would text each other about how much it put our feelings into words for us. It gets me through those aches. 

Truth.

source: http://inconsequential.tumblr.com/post/6317304556

This week has been awesomely productive 

and awesomely tiring.

Please excuse me while I do a large amount of snuggling with my pups on the couch while dozing off tonight instead of absolutely nothing productive. 

...although I'm actually hoping I'll magically get a second wind so I can work on lesson plans while Hubby works so I can enjoy the rest of the weekend with my boys. 

Music Monday: "The Stand"

I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth.
[Psalm 57:9-11]

Yes, this was today.

I ached today as I felt my plans slip out of my grasp to make room for Your plans. 
[I tried not to panic, but You know how much I like to make an effort to manage my time well.]

Being honest about my responsibilities: what's really important, and what's really selfish.
What "need tos" and "have tos" can be bumped from my To Do list to make room for more important things:
the love-your-neighbor-things
bigger-than-myself-things. 

And I realize
maybe taking things too personally is a chance
to --take a deep breath--
recognize my shortcomings and pride, 
both of which sting when they are exposed.

I let those voices convince me that I will never do well enough or be more than lousy.

But then
I'm reminded of Your plans for me 
and how you use me to bless other despite all the ways I fail

I rally 
and battle back with Truth:

I am redeemed
I have worth
For I have

l    o    v   e     &    g    r    a    c    e

and what more does a girl need? 


Because this is what it's all about:
Your love being bigger than I can comprehend and bigger than I deserve...
and sharing that love.

And oh, what a luxury to be surrounded by it so freely
in my family, friends, work, home...without being called to risk my life to hear it or share it.
I take that for granted each and every day, and I am ashamed.

But this is what it's all about, friends --
This love that's so graciously given
For me
For you
For all.

A New Kind of Nerdy

I had a roommate in college who got up early to go bird watching sometimes. I admired her passion because let's be real, to get up super-duper early on a weekend to go out in the cold morning to wait quietly to see fast-moving little buggers through binoculars takes a lot of love. Personally I preferred to be snuggled up in my nice warm bed or savoring some serious pjs and coffee time.

I've got plenty of nerdy tendencies, though, but I never thought I'd relate to bird watchers.

Last March I was enlightened about sandhill cranes and their migration route that brings them right through this part of Nebraska. Even better than being enlightened about it, though, was getting to witness it firsthand on almost a daily basis on my way to and from work. I also found myself watching a nature preserve's "Crane Cam" at sunset to see them return to the river for the night more often than I'll admit to here. 

The time is here where they are going to start showing up again, though, and I've found myself searching the skies to find them on my commute. I haven't seen any yet, but I couldn't help but look around a bit online and read that someone started seeing them in this area over the past few days. I'm SO excited about this, guys!!! It was incredible to see it all last year. 

I've already begged my husband to take a trip to buy some binoculars with me AND to go to the nature preserve to watch them fly in one night night. I'm hoping to get some good pictures. I'm also hoping to go to work a little early a few days to stop and take some pictures in the mornings since I drive right over the Platte. 

Consider this a big NERD ALERT!! because I'll definitely be watching the Crane Cam again this year and watching the skies. 

But seriously, watch this video and then try not to marvel at this. I dare you. That magnitude of birds in one place is just amazing. 

Just a Friday Morning Drive

The Friday commute starts out hustled -- late again. I decide it's still a victory, though, since I'm only 5 minutes behind the time I'd planned to leave...and yes, I would be on time for the staff meeting. I just will have to find another time for what I'd planned to work on beforehand. 

I'm reminded already to give my plans to the Lord. Let His plan be at work. 

I sing along to MercyMe's Welcome the the New, the soundtrack of my year so far. The words of God's grace and immeasurable love combine with the honesty of how we feel like we aren't strong enough, good enough, capable enough -- it serenades my heart and mind with the Truth. 

The sun is coming up, and I think back to the dark drives just a month ago at this same time, and I'm grateful because the rays lighten my heart and mind. The way the blue sky begins appearing with strokes of purples, pinks, and a streak of orange clouds fills me with joy. You painted a masterpiece this morning, God. I know the colors will morph into a different-looking masterpiece every few minutes until the sunrise melts away and the day truly begins -- many masterpieces it will be. Oh, how awesome to have such a loving Creator who spoils us with beautiful things to look at. 

Yes, I'm tired from getting into bed way too late and being woken up way before my alarm and the kind of tired that comes from a week demanding my time, energy, and especially my emotions. I'm looking forward to the weekend and the extra day off on Monday, and I'm hoping not to bomb the day by focusing on the tired. No, I want to give my kiddos joy and curiosity and knowledge today. I think through my plans for the day and marvel at how much we need to fit into our day -- with a Valentine's party to boot. And there are copies to be made, Friday Folders to fill, lesson plans to fill in for next week...the list seemingly doubles as I think.

I'm about to exit the interstate when I notice waves in the sky. The birds' bodies are a black outline to waves criss-crossing and flowing up and down in the rich blue sky. So many birds, so much moving, and yet the group moves fluidly together. And the waves move forward in the sky as their journey continues -- to food? to a spring home? I'm not sure -- onward. 

I think of Matthew 28:26-27:

Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

I want to remember this, share this, and cherish this sight longer. I exit the interstate towards school, excited nobody exits behind me. I take advantage of my time at the stop sign to take a quick picture of the amazing sight, but I don't dare take more than one. I don't want to explain that I was late because I was taking pictures of birds. 

I'm disappointed it's blurry, but what can you do when you've got just enough time for one quick photo? 

This sunrise and the birds are like love notes from God. My worries about the day have become a sigh of joy and thanksgiving as I leave the stop sign for the last leg of my drive. 

I am loved, and today I hope I can make everyone else feel that love, too. 

The Little Things Bring Thankfulness

Guys, today's training class was an exam, and it was rough. Scout once again did his best, but I didn't. I didn't give firm enough commands, didn't remember where to start the exercises, and had to give up our original #2 slot because he had to go potty -- he was whiny and wiggly,  the puppy equivalent to the young child potty dance -- but WOULD NOT go. I know he knows more than what he showed the judge tonight, but we bombed the test.

Oh, and I smushed his paw in the door to the building. His scream-cry broke my heart. That was right before the test. Epic Momma Fail.

The thing is that he was still such a happy, loving guy. He laid his head on my hand in the car on the way home then came and snuggled right up with me on the couch. It doesn't matter to him that we bombed it. He doesn't care about the number of points we got (or didn't get.....).

Dogs are awesome because they really don't care about that stuff. You are their human and they adore you. Even when our dogs get squirted with water because they are being too naughty and "no" isn't cutting it...they sulk for a few minutes and are back to being our shadows. Dogs forgive and move on quickly because they know you love them.

I think we could all take it to heart when our dogs think we are awesome.  Sometimes we are more awesome than we can see because we let our mistakes blind us and bring us down.

Tonight I am glad my dogs are more loving and forgiving than I have been to myself. I am thankful for their snuggles and sloppy kisses, and I am thankful for how their very presence is calming and encouraging. They believe in me when I have trouble believing in myself.

Long story short: I love our dogs, and I would be a sadder, grumpier,  lonelier person without them.

The "Top Dog"

Scout has been in a weekly training class since mid-January. We have missed 2 sessions out of the 5 (one due to finding out the night of the first class, one due to illness), but we've learned so much during 3 sessions! He'll be doing the next set of 6 sessions immediately following this set, too, so I'm looking forward to that. 

What a whole new adventure this has been for me! I have been loving every bit of learning about dog training and seeing Scout master big and little skills along the way. I'm no professional, and I certainly know that I am probably making some mistakes along the way, but Scout is a pretty good dog. We still are learning how to channel some of this puppy energy into positive outlets rather than ruined pillows and making holes in blankets, but training is a process that takes patience, time, and repetition. We heard about the trainer from a few people, and they raved about how great she was, and I've loved it. She explains things well, helps where you are having trouble, and has been a huge asset in Scout's training. 

To keep a long story from getting much longer, I am totally having a proud dog-momma moment over here. The class has a traveling trophy each week to the most improved dog from one week to the next. Tonight Scout got to bring it home! It's embarrassing to admit, but I almost cried because it was so uplifting to know that we aren't just biased in seeing his progress. Then again, it's not that hard to get me to cry. (I won't even tell you how many Superbowl commercials this year made me cry. I'll give you a hint: it was at least 3. Especially you, Nationwide.) The lady that ran it tonight said that he really is responding well to commands and that I'm doing a good job with commanding him clearly and firmly. (I was really quiet the first class!) He even worked on doing his work tonight without a treat until the end of his exercises rather than little nibbles throughout. Yup, he's been a hard worker! 

So here it is, Scout's trophy for the week! 

In all fairness I have to say that for all of the times we've gone I have hoped and prayed that he would neither be the "naughty child" nor the "class clown", and he's done pretty well....until tonight. He was so whiny the first half of class, and he was letting out his big ol' obnoxious pterodactyl yawns. The whole class actually laughed at him while I was sitting there going, "Hush, puppy!!" As if the whole world needed to know that the same 7-8 slot of the class is his usual nap time...but I guess I'll take class pterodactyl over the naughty child any day. Ironic that THIS would be the night the trophy comes home, but that's our boy! 

Lessons in Humility and Love

This has been a challenging week for me. For a little while this week frustration stole my joy and clouded my eyes to what blessings were sprinkled into the week. I realized I had to make a choice: I could either keep fuming about the problems that weren't mine to own or I could start recognizing what beautiful and awesome things were going right around me.

seeing the beautiful sunrise over the soft hills and tall grass of the open prairies on my drive to work
listening to music that speaks of the truths that soothe my hurts and disappointments
time in devotions with the friends I work alongside to kick off the day right
hearing the giggles of my kiddos 
celebrating 100 days of school and the kindergarten skills that have been conquered
photographing a day of laughs and love and rollerskating as a school
silly Snaps with my family
sneaking in a dinner date with my husband on a weeknight
snuggling with the puppies while watching my favorite show
reading the Word filled with love and encouragement 
feeling peace and joy trickling back into me until I was full 
being able to humble myself before God and ask for help
knowing His love and grace are endless

A few months ago I went through a spell of feeling like some of the expectations put on me were things I was not capable of doing, and I was really frustrated and dejected as I anticipated failure. I wondered what I had handled the wrong way to get stuck with the task, and I was pretty glum when I sat down to read a devotion. It contained a verse that I immediately wrote down and stuck to my computer so I would see it often.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

[Romans 8:28]

I need those words, friends, and I need them when I feel frustrated or incapable. I need them when life isn't going the way I planned...which is every single day.

Sometimes those things that knock us on our butt in life are just a lot of small things that pile up together to pack quite a punch. Sometimes it's one big thing that hurts. I'm comforted in knowing that God never promised life would be easy. He promised never to leave my side, though, and I know that I'm blessed even in the moments it doesn't feel like it. I know I'm walking away from this week with more wisdom than I entered it with, and the stuff that was bothering me has ended up being a blessing. Without that I wouldn't have been humble enough to admit how lousy and lost I am without the hope that I have because of my Savior. I would have missed the little blessings around me that brought joy and peace to my heart as I was reminded that God walks with me.

And now it's Friday night. I face a pile of things to do for school, piles of laundry to fold, dog training to do, and many other items on my to do list this weekend, but it's a welcomed change in pace to be home and working on these things. It's time to be refreshed and renewed for the ups and downs next week will bring. I know I'll mess up, but I know it's all good. If you don't believe me, go back and read Romans 8:28 a few more times until you know it, too.

About The Links...

I've been kind of stuck when it comes to blogging, and it's for a really stupid reason.

I know my family enjoys reading this, and there are some friends that do as well, but I also know that very few people blog themselves and can see when I post something unless I put a link on Facebook. There's nothing wrong with that, but I stopped doing it because I thought it may have looking obnoxious. I didn't want it to be like "LOOK AT ME I CAN WRITE A BLOG CHECK IT OUT I AM AWESOME." I just want the interested people to know I've put something new up. I know there's the option of making those lists where you put certain friends on them and can select who all you want to see what you're posting but let's be real: ain't nobody got time for that.

[Sidenote: If you haven't seen this video, it's one of my favorites. Pretty sure it's one of my husband's favorite answers from me when he asks me to do something.]

But on the other hand, if people don't care about it, they can just skip over it and carry on scrolling down their news feed, right? I just have this thing where I don't like to do things that will bother other people. I think it's called "anxiety" in the medical realm and "ridiculous" among others.

I noticed that less people know I've added anything without those links, though. I think I'll go back to posting links on Facebook again. I know some of you enjoy what I write, and I'm thankful for that. I write because it's fun for me and also stress-relieving. One of the changes I'm working on this year is being okay being me and not letting worries about what other people think keep me from doing what I do. Here's one more step in the right direction.

And you have my permission to let me know if you think that the links are obnoxious.

But seriously, watch that video if you haven't...I promise you'll get a kick out of her. She is even laughing at the end of her interview. I'm pretty sure that lady and I could be friends if we crossed paths.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

So let's talk hair.

I love, love, love having long hair to play with, but my hair is really thick. Long hair takes FOREVER to dry -- ain't nobody got time for that!!

My last haircut was a trim back in August 2013, a week or so before Dad and Michele's wedding. The ends of my hair crunched. Seriously disgusting.

My first major change of 2015? Getting a major hair cut!!!

Part of the reason it grew out so much to begin with was that I didn't know where to go once we moved here. I have a tough time committing to a new stylist. Flashback to student teaching in the spring of 2011. I went to a salon my co-op suggested, and I had pictures of what I wanted. It required taking off about 4 inches and also layering it. I asked her to do it in a way that would thin out my thick hair to help it dry faster. That Texas humidity was no joke, and my hair would go crazy if I didn't dry it all the way. So we're chatting away and she's snipping away for a while. Things seem to be going well until halfway through the cut she utters the unthinkable: "Oh, I don't know what I'm doing."

Ummm...what?!? 

She asked the other stylist to help her. I had TWO PEOPLE working on my hair -- one on each side -- making jokes about me being the guinea pig. I don't know that it would have been as upsetting if I had liked the haircut, but I absolutely hated it. I know it wasn't totally hideous because people complimented it, but it was not what I wanted. I also had graduation coming up not long afterwards and was grumpy that my hair was going to look stupid.

This crazy mane was getting to the point where I would get tangled in it while I was trying to turn over when I was sleeping. I would randomly inhale it when it was windy out during recess. My favorite was when I would yell "OUCH!" when it got pinned under Tim's arm when we sat on the couch together. It was just...a nuisance. A shapeless, crunchy, time-consuming nuisance.

Before....

I didn't have to cut so much of it off, but I had a strong desire to donate my hair to a place that would make wigs for women battling cancer. I have to admit that it took some pep talking to get myself to commit to cutting it. I was worried I'd be or feel less beautiful with a haircut, but I stopped whining when it hit me that I had the luxury of a choice. I can't imagine the emotions when your hair is falling out completely.Women battling cancer don't get a choice to lose their hair. It's a small thing compared to a cancer battle, but if I can help one woman feel more beautiful during her battle then I can and will definitely do what I can for her.

So here you go, 8 inches shorter, a much lighter head, and a faster morning routine. I feel like I look more my age now, and I am excited to be giving 8 inches to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths for a woman to feel more beautiful.

After! 

If you're interested in donating your hair, please check out the information on this awesome cause here.

New Year, New Adventures

2014 seemed like it couldn't really compete with 2013. See, 2013 brought a lot of exciting and new things: getting married, turning 25, a family vacation to Alaska, moving out of my "bachelorette pad" apartment to a house with my husband in a new city, and a new job. Whew. Don't think we could have crammed much more in if we tried. Needless to say, 2014 did not have a lot of major life events. I was pleasantly surprised to reflect the other night about just how glad I was to look back at what 2014 did hold, though. 2013 was the year of new, but 2014 was the year of growth.

Our house has really become our own thanks to the hard work of my husband and help from my mom and stepdad. We have made plans for a few more projects and are in the beginning phases of those, too, and we're pretty excited for the end products. 

We established our first garden and enjoyed a LOT of fresh, yummy food (again, mostly because of my awesome hubby's dedication. Can you tell he's a talented man?). So many plants that LIVED! It was crazy-awesome. 

We've had a number of visitors and have loved getting to host them whether it was for a meal or a week. We loved every minute.

Tim had his gallbladder out in September, and we were blessed that all went well and to have his mom here to help. He hasn't had a single problem since then, and we are loving the life without gallbladder attacks. 

We've been blessed with a growing friendship with a dear set of neighbors, and we've gotten our foot in the door to become more active and connected at church. We're really establishing this city as our home and becoming more comfortable here, and it's nice to be able to feel settled. God has truly been at work in our life here. 

My job has allowed me the chance to grow beyond what I thought my abilities and interests were, and it hasn't always been easy, but it's been good. I've been blessed to become more confident, able, and assertive. I am so blessed to get to share my God each day and grow in my faith each day, and that makes each day awesome. I adore my kids and coworkers, and that also makes each day awesome.

And of course there's Scout, perhaps one of the greatest adventures of the year. One stop to "just look and pet the puppies"turned into a wild adventure as we have learned about life with a new "baby". He's been a goof, a snugglebug, a playmate, and even a challenging mess sometimes, but he's a good boy. We love our little Wild Thing. 

I know that 2015 is going to bring some big changes, and I'm sitting here at the beginning feeling excited but also nervous. I'm ready for some necessary changes, but I know that there will be some unknowns. But you know what? That just means that this will hold even more adventures than 2014. I know that God is there each step of the way, and I trust in His plan. It's going to be awesome. I know that come December 31st I'll be able to look back and say, "Wow. What a year."

[Spoiler alert: No, this is not my way of announcing any babies. Just life changes. #sorrynotsorry]

So here's to 2015, a year of change and a year of adventure. May all of your adventures be awesomely blessed.