Walking away.

I feel like this last bit of time is slipping through my fingers. I don't remember where or who it's from, but somebody once compared love to holding a handful of sand: the more tightly you try to hold onto it, the faster it slips out of your grasp. That's how I feel about the time left here, the time left with these people I care about so much and who have inspired me in some way (big or small). I know how cliche that is, but I also know how real it is. This has been one of my best years of school, of life really. That makes it hard to walk away for the summer, for a semester, for (possibly) good.

I'm walking away knowing this is part of finding my place, purpose, and future. This is a process of finding answers to a lot of "what ifs" and a lot of unknowns about myself. I am walking away to test my limits. I am walking away into what feels right.

As I walk away, I'm relying on past experiences that taught me that friendships may fade, but everything from their existence sticks. You are changed, and you carry the change within you. I've also seen how much the friendships that mean the most are strengthened by distance. Those are the ones that grow into something mind-blowingly amazing. I walk away with the experience that friendships are in a constant state of change anyway, and some are just deeper than others. I walk away knowing that I will not lose everything that's been built up the past two years, but I will gain a clearer understanding of it.

It's time to make a mark on another place, but more accurately let someplace else make a mark on me.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." ["Closing Time"-Semisonic]

Anything but invincible.

College students are not really invincible, yet we all still like to kid ourselves. Something can hit really close to home (like a friend getting cancer), and we are reminded for a little while again that we are mere mortals, but we walk once again into the delusion that nothing can touch us. We even joke about it. The next event to remind us how wrong we are comes along, and we just continue the cycle. How come it's so easy to forget? The events are usually new situations for all of us, especially because it happens away from home, and the fear of the unfamiliar kicks in.

I was struck the other day in New Testament class by a passage that is helping a lot right now. I hope it helps somebody else, too.

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. [Romans 8: 26-28]

~"Worry looks around, sorry looks back, faith looks up." [an email]~

Too funny not to post!

10

Guess that means I'd better hope for a class no bigger than 10 kids!