That kind of exhaustion that comes with constantly being beaten over the head with how much you don't know...by the mistakes you make chasing after what those seasoned by years in the profession know now by instinct...with trying to push through it all to make it all work...
It's the kind of exhaustion I am looking forward to experiencing less frequently down the road...
Because now, this very second, I find myself recalling the frequency they told us that our goal the first year would become survival...and here I am, hoping to make it through, cringing at mistakes, praying for strength, wisdom, patience beyond measure, love, and rest.
But I pray this not just for myself, but those in their own forms of survival mode, too...because we are never alone...
After months of considering, researching, and getting some time to play in my mom's, I buckled down ands bought an iPad.
What finally convinced me was a) all of the possible applications in my classroom and b) the dodgy sound on my laptop. Not so conducive to Skyping amidt a long distance relationship, as it turns out.
I have to admit I was second guessing it a lot when I first took it out of the box and started setting it up. I was super-reluctant about anything with a touch screen and resisted them for a good, long while. After spending some time exploring apps and playing around with it, though, I love it. One of my favorite things so far has been how great the sound is so I can play music while puttering around my apartment. It's now my favorite cleaning companion.
I'm pretty excited to see what else I can do with it...including with this blog. Perhaps some more vlogs will be in order. :)
I'm not sure who loves Squirt's friend Danny more, him or me.
What I can tell you, though, is that the only thing better than coming home and getting bombarded by a little bundle of furry joy is getting bombarded by that little bundle of furry joy and his big bundle of ecstatic energy sidekick when I go to get my pup. It's the perfect pick-me-up at the end of the school day.
Danny even came over to play tonight for a while because it was really nice having the extra company for a bit.
Dogs...the perfect companions for when you want to be left alone but don't want to be alone,
when you want to cuddle,
when you're cold,
when you want to be needed,
when you need an extra dose of love,
when you want to be reminded that you're adored even when the ones who would are far away,
when you want to play for a while instead of work,
whenever.
Every day it's becoming more clear why they call dogs man's best friend. Getting Squirt was definitely one of the best decisions I've ever made. I don't know how I could've gotten through some of these weeks without him.
It's a proven fact that first year teachers get sick all. the. time. Proven by me, even, much to my despair and/or frequent attempts to persuade my body to be anything BUT ill.
Today, my friends, I sit in this chair to type to you that the W-L column officially has a 1 in the W column now.
A few weeks ago I was boasting that out of the onslaught of ailments [Read: 3] making rounds in my classroom, I had only had 2/3 of them.
This morning I thought for sure karma came back to bite me in the butt. My eyes were itchy, watery, and all around disGUSTing. I feared the worst: pink eye. I called the secretary in a panic to find out what the protocol is for that.
Went to school.
Went to eye doctor over lunch.
Was told it wasn't pink eye.
Breathed a sigh of relief.
Thanked God for allergies.
Laughed about thanking God for allergies.
*pause*blink*pause*
*burst into song and dance*
BOOYAH, GERMS! YOU DIDN'T GET ME THIS TIME! SHABAM!
That's right, my immune system is [slightly] awesome today.
The tale within this post requires me to inform you of the process of making a grocery list in this household.
1. Tuesdays are the day the local information paper comes out which contains fliers for the grocery stores. The first step is getting that paper up to the apartment. [ And let me just say that there is a certain thrill upon opening the mailbox every Tuesday. A weekly routine doesn't take the joy out of seeing mail in that tiny metal box.
2. Whenever I get time (or start running out of either food or creativity to make whatever food remains into something edible), I peruse the ads for the grocery store up the street, figuring out what things I need to restock the cabinets or what sounds good for meals and add 'em to the list. [Anything not food-related goes on the Walmart list, for those who are curious.]
3. Grocery shop.
Now that that's out of the way...see, what happened was...
This week they advertised Racine kringle!! Definitely made the list. I was soooo excited to grocery shop! I could practically taste the pecan-y deliciousness already. My mouth was watering at the thought.
[ For those who have no idea what kringle is, it's a Danish pastry made in an oval and best served absolutely any time whether there is rhyme or reason or not. It's one of Racine's best qualities, really.]
When I got there I hunted that bakery section down because they moved it on me! Of all the weeks to move the store around, why, oh WHY was it the week of having kringle?! And when I found it, do you know what was there?
Some days you are just thrown into the flames and hope to make it out alive. That's what the first year of teaching is really comprised of: survival. It's not always bad, but it's not typical for it to be fantastic. You just get through each moment of each day and sit down at the end thankful to be where you are, knowing you're learning daily and loving what you do. And that's enough to get you through the never-ending work and the challenging moments with students (or without, for that matter...lesson-planning block's a good time...).
Alright, I feel better now that I got that off my chest.
On a completely different note, today was Squirt's first day getting to play with dog-friend Danny while I was at school. I got a text saying it was going well and a picture of my dog all snuggled up. What can I say? My little guy's a lover, not a fighter.
And this is how my dog has been all night:
I hear ya, little guy...I feel the same way.
Still have to try out some other ways to work through the no-barking thing, of course, but I'm glad my dog won't be miserable alone during the day now. Sounds like we might get to have Danny over to play this weekend, too, and it'll be fun.
Did I mention today was in the 70s? It was glorious. A great day for a long walk with friends of the canine and human variety.
Once again Pandora introduces me to an excellent song.
The first verse of this song...yes. That's exactly how I feel sometimes.
This morning "putting myself away" consisted of a cup of coffee, my Bible, my journal, the phone on silent in another room, a sleeping dog, and listening to the birds outside celebrating the spring-ish weather.
I have to share something that a friend shared with me yesterday. [ Thanks again, Teagan! Btw, you should check out her blog. She has brilliant writing, stunning photography, and an absolutely beautiful heart.]
It's this photo, but what got me was the meaning explained in the paragraph below.
Boy_Wonder, I don't know you, but I feel like we'd understand each other.
My heart swelled with comfort knowing I'm not the only one with little rituals on two particular days of the year.
It's good to know you're not alone...because yes, we always hear that God is with us, but sometimes it's nice to have these tangible reminders that we're not alone.
the number of the inning Harry Caray would sing during.
the number of years without Grandma and Grandpa.
I know I post every year about it, and I know every year I will probably continue to. These two people were just too amazing not to take time to remember each year. They not only helped shape me but they defined our family.
And this year I have to write about it because it's been such a huge year for our family. Just in in the grandkids alone there have been 3 graduations, 1 going back to school, 1 wedding, 1 move, 1 new job, and 1 new business endeavor. That's a lot in and of itself, but that's not even the entire picture!
I used to believe that after somebody died you'd miss them less and less as time went on because you would just adjust to their absence and that'd be it. Turns out I was wrong. Yes, you adjust, but you never stop missing them. In fact, I have missed my grandparents more in this past year alone than I have probably since that first year without them. You can never fill the gap where somebody is supposed to be, and that gap's so much more prevalent when it's space for two.
I also never knew how much memories mean. Yes, it's great to be able to think back on the good times and everything, but I've come to realize that even memories can still teach lessons. My grandparents may be gone, but I can still see how we continue to learn by their example. We just pick it up from the stories we hear and the memories we hold now instead of getting to see it before us. What a treasure to have something to turn to, though.
There's definitely comfort in knowing they are together with each other and livin' it up with God, though. That just doesn't stop us here without them from aching now and then...and today is one of those times.
Tonight I'm going to watch Dirty Dancing. It was one of my grandma's favorite movies. I just saw it on New Year's Eve and right away could understand why.
Last night I watched A League of Their Own for Grandpa, and it's been ages since I've seen it. I really love that movie, and missed watching it with my family -- especially my cousins. I missed them most during this scene as I laughed so hard remembering my grandpa recite it for us, especially when Jen and Jordan were little and would come in hurt or upset about something. And I can't wait to be back together with my family for Easter to hear it again. Here it is, the best scene from the movie:
I hereby declare this first day of Spring Break officially a success.
I didn't make it to school, but I'm not about to beat myself up about it. I'm going for a few hours tomorrow, and I worked on a lot of school stuff here at home. A day away from school was nice. I got some things done around the apartment, too, and did a few relaxing things. It's been the perfect mix of productive, fun, and relaxing.
I forgot to mention that Squirt's been busy making friends. He's a favorite with the neighbors and Land Lady Karen, but he's also made a dog-friend whose name is Danny. Danny is part Pitbull, part Shepherd, and part Lab, and that's just what his human Tim knows. Danny was also a rescue dog, but he's still very puppy since he's only about 2. He's much bigger than Squirt, but he's a big ol' sweetheart.
At first Squirt didn't know what to make of the big brown thing bounding toward him with a curious nose sniffing away. He literally froze, put his ears down, and looked up at me with his big eyes as his way of saying, "Moooom, what's going on here?!" He's gotten much better with Danny, though, and today we went for a walk with Danny and Tim. It was such a gorgeous day that we walked about 2 miles with the pups. I now have one tired little guy.
Squirt is going to go play with Danny next week while I'm at school. We're going to see if spending the day with a friend helps ease his anxiety a little. His barking has gotten better, but he still does it sometimes and still gets nervous when I leave him. I hope this helps. It breaks my heart to leave my dog unhappy.
Today was our trip to the skating rink, and the kids LOVED it! They left already talking about when they get to go next year.
I did not skate. As I explained to one of the parents, I think I'd be more dangerous than helpful to the kindergarteners if I were on skates. I have enough issues with being coordinated enough to walk.
I spent the time trying to teach the kids to skate, picking the fallen ones up off the floor, and trying to catch some of those who were falling. Oh, and tying/untying skates. It was pretty fun to watch how determined they were even in the face of the spills they took.
I admired that greatly, and then I realized this was another lesson they were teaching me.
it's okay to fall down sometimes.
learning comes with lots of bruises.
be willing to get back up and try again -- this just may be the time you get it.
there's an unrivaled sense of joy and triumph in mastering something new.
there are few things in life more beautiful and inspiring than the laughter and smiles of a child.
A week of broken routine -- it's National Lutheran Schools Week. It's a time when Lutheran schools across the nation celebrate being a Lutheran school with fun events. Ours is only 3 days as Thursday and Friday are our Spring Break.
Today we walked to the movies and back in 70 degree weather. The sunshine and warmth, along with the novelty of the trip, refreshed us all with each breath or gust of wind.
The children marveled at the world around us as we walked; I marveled at them.
"That's the place where you go to get cracked," one girl explained as we passed the chiropractor.
The snippets of conversations saturated with excitement and joy, spotted with giggles.
Their exclamations as the dog on the other side of the fence, running to keep up with us and barking away, took them all by surprise.
The way they kept their hands clasped with their walking buddy the whole time.
The boys who volunteered to help me carry a few things back to school without me even asking.
Their delight as we passed people they knew.
That 10 minute walk to and from the theater was the highlight of my week.
And it was still beautiful enough when I got home after 5 to take my dog for a walk. The weather beckoned and stole me away from the world for a whole hour of undisturbed time to marvel at the soft touch of the breeze reminding me of what spring will bring, how far I've come since a year ago when I visited here wondering if this could ever feel like home, and letting my mind wander freely beyond the constraints of lesson plans and school work to remember how big the world is.
Student (looks at me with narrowed eyes and sighs): Just stop.
Student: I slammed my finger really hard in the car door last night and it left a flap on my finger. (lifts it up, grosses me out) This part underneath is the meat.
