Breaking In Adulthood

There's a shift happening as I stand here, almost 2 months into this new part of my life, this true adulthood.

It's that breaking away from the transitional years between childhood, teenage-dom, and college student mentality.

Breaking in responsibility at it's fullest

debating about whether I can really fit watching that TV show into my night or if I should just go to bed and actually be rested for the upcoming day

paying bills as the first purchase with the first paycheck

weighing the wisdom in throwing out plans for a productive saturday in lieu of a chance to do something out of the ordinary

cleaning up right after dinner -- even when sitting on the couch for "just five minutes" sounds so much better

putting down the book during the exciting part when work beckons from across the room because break time's over

As I wipe down the spaghetti sauce-splattered stove while listening to Pandora, I have another one of those "This is really my life" moments, embracing that 23 years has brought me here to this: cleaning the stove top in my own apartment, having a place of my own, a job I love, and family and friends uplifting me with every step before, now, and yet to be made.

Whoa.

~"Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas." [-Paula Poundstone]~

List Makin' Time

And we shall dub this one "Reasons Why Tuesday was Far Superior to Monday This Week"

1. It wasn't Monday. That's an automatic win.

2. I got woken up at 3 a.m. by a headache, but didn't know it was 3 a.m. A happy discovery. I love waking up and finding out I have a few hours left to sleep.

3. At least the headache wake up call meant that I got to listen to some crazy rain while lying in bed. Relaxing.

4. A full cup of coffee before leaving the apartment. (See? I love coffee. I just can't handle too much of it anymore. Or past certain hours of the day. Coffee is not the root of all evil, just all insomnia)

5. The pure affection of children in their hugs, smiles, and laughter. And they way their moods spin 180 overnight.

6. Cute kid quotes galore today.

7. Catch up phone calls.

8. A clean apartment...mostly.

9. Great music. (I, too, have been unable to turn Josh Garrels off.)

10. Falling asleep while trying to write this post...

Case of the Mondays

some days there just isn't enough energy to keep up with everything that needs to get done...

so you fake it until you make it. :)

or drink more coffee.

unless, of course, it's after 2 and you know you don't want to be awake all night.

because then you'd have to drink more coffee the next day to make up for the sleeping you didn't do.

and you'd drink it after 2 pm and start the cycle all over again.

today was one of those days where all the coffee i could consume most likely would not have overcome the half-awake fog surrounding my brain. yup, musta been monday.

hard lessons. things to let settle in my head overnight while i sleep. things to carry with me into the days, weeks, months ahead. to look back on and appreciate.

Thank God for new beginnings offered with each morning when we wake up.

~"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them." [1 John 4:16]~

Plunging In

The second full week of school. Third week of teaching.

Armed with lessons planned and lessons learned.

Prepared to make some mistakes and try new things.

Ready for adventure laden with laughter, hugs, and being flexible.

Strengthened by a weekend mix of productivity and relaxation and by the God who brought me here.

~"To teach is to learn twice." [-Joseph Joubert]~

Even God has a Sense of Humor

I happen to think I'm pretty darn funny sometimes. But you know what?

God's pretty funny sometimes, too. Even more so, in fact

How do I know this? I just look at some of the things that happen in my life.

Like when I plan on something and am pretty sure of it, and something comes along to try to shake that. Sometimes it succeeds. Sometimes, however, it does not. At all.

I've heard people say, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans." And you know what? I think they're on to something.

No Fear, Just [Kitchen] Adventures

"Cooking is like love; it should be entered into with abandon or not at all."

Julia Child said that. [And a whole bunch of other things worth reading...here.]

[And of course now I'm thinking of that video Lisa posted a while ago where Julia Child just whips out a blowtorch on Letterman. Priceless!]

Cooking armed with an eggplant, some ideas, and a bit of research on temperatures. The result? Eggplant with Parmesan, garlic, bread crumbs, Italian seasoning, and some oil that wasn't too bad.

Add some Pandora, tomato soup, My Antonia, and a beautiful sunset, and it's a good way to end the work week and start the weekend.

The moral of the story: If you're thinking of coming to be a guest in my apartment, I will feed you some decent food.

~"The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking, you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude." [-Julia Child]~

Balancing

I've never been good at balancing -- metaphorically or literally.

In college I spent a lot of time spontaneously doing things with friends because I knew the time for those shenanigans was limited. I'd put off homework and buck up for some late nighters. No biggie.

And then there was student teaching. Talk about a reality check. It literally consumed my life for the most part5th grade with learning, planning, and grading. One of my saving graces were the declared "homework free nights" that the wonderful guy I was dating and I would agree to invoke.

That got lost somewhere along the way this past month and a half. There haven't been too many nights of legitimately taking a break from school. I'm working toward being able to do my planning and such in a way that really and truly opens up my Sundays to nothing school related for that chance to recharge. And I'm learning that it really is okay to leave school by a set time every night (and to take work home, but even cutting that off at a certain time of night).

Even God rested after He put in a lot of work.

~"There is more to life than increasing its speed." [-Ghandi]~

Pay It Forward

Pay It Forward is definitely on the list of the most influential movies I have ever seen. Seriously, if you haven't seen it, you should.

Disclaimer: This is not a cutesy-cute movie. Do not whip this one out on a first date or anything. No, no. This is thought-provoking with some very emotionally charged parts as well. You may want a few tissues on hand, and plenty of time to digest it afterwards (the movie, not the tissues).

Here's why it packs a punch: it's such a seemingly simple idea, and yet it's easier said than done. Do a favor for 3 other people -- a big one -- and tell them to pass on the kindness to somebody else.

The trouble is that sometimes, honestly, our own world consumes us. The to do lists, the fatigue, the expectations of others and ourselves, and trying to keep up with what life brings gets all of our focus. We forget sometimes to look beyond ourselves. I'll freely admit that I often fall into this trap. But I'll also openly say that I am trying to work on it. Daily.

And this movie pops into my head a lot. I wish I could be more like Trevor.

I've been on the receiving end of a lot of "paying it forward" lately with this move and especially with setting up my classroom. People have donated time to both causes, and many have provided things I needed or could put to use in either my home or with my kids. I am so, so grateful for all of this help. Every time I use something somebody has passed on to me, I am flooded with thankfulness all over again.

I also get excited when I look at some of the things I have because I know that I'll eventually not use it or will replace it, but I can pass it on the same way somebody once passed it on to me. I know firsthand the weight that something as simple as a passed on set of art supplies or books or mixing bowls or furniture can lift, and it's great to know that someday I'll be able to do that, too.

Meanwhile, I'm looking for ways I can pay it forward in small ways. And I'm open to suggestions. :)

If you have about 10 minutes to spare, go ahead and watch this. If not, just watch the first 2 or so. It's a summary of the whole Pay It Forward idea behind the movie.

Another Favorite

One of my favorite YouTube videos...



Anyway, when I'm not with my kids, usually I'm planning or prepping for them...

and occasionally forcing myself to step away from "teacher mode" to relax...although not very often right now. Too much to do. Labor Day weekend will be break time.

There's a stomach bug already starting to go around school. I am hoping and praying it doesn't linger. I'm praying my kids don't get it. And, to be quite honest, most frequently I find myself praying that I don't get it.

Being sick stinks.
It's even worse being sick alone. I disliked being away from home in the dorms, but even then there were friends or roommates very close by.

Missing school's terrible.
And it's even more stressful when staying home sick involves planning for a sub.

I meant to go to bed about an hour ago, honestly, but ended up having a fit of inspiration for a science unit instead and wrote out some plans.

...and to think that it used to be good books, movies, conversations with friends that got me too preoccupied to go to bed. Here's one more sign of life as I know it completely shifting.

At least it compliments the pre-midnight bedtime well.

That Time of Year Again

to everyone starting school this week, good luck. don't worry, the year will surprise you with what it brings.

trust me. only one week in and my students are really packing a lot of lessons into my day.

~"The grace to be a beginner is always the best prayer for an artist. The beginner's humility and openness lead to exploration. Exploration leads to an accomplishment. All of it begins at the beginning, with the first small and scary step." [-Julia Cameron]~

Beauty Bits of the Weekend

b e a u t i f u l

conversations until way too late at night

breaks from responsibility

impossibilities being proven wrong

laughter

celebrations with friends

the love of two newlyweds

experiences prying open a mind to see, receive, consider more

pushing beyond fears

prayers answered

support from all sides

this.

~"Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul." [-John Muir]~

Short and Sweet

A weekend full of friends.

Surprises mixed in.

A mind opened.

Encouraging Snippets Sprinkled Throughout a Wednesday

Hugs of small children.

Small pockets of successful plans and teaching.

Words of my coworkers, stories of their first years of teaching.

An antiseptic that didn't sting the little one's scrape.

Teamwork.

Making it through the first full day.

Instinct. A few shed tears. A well-timed hug.

Phone call to share in a friend's triumph and joy.

Laughter.

Songs to revisit countless times.

Realization that a visit home is a month away. That the wedding of my beautiful cousin is a month away.

~"Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don't leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory." [-Alan Alda]~

The Beginning of Many Somethings

First day: success.

Things did not nearly go as planned, but they still went well. Could not have asked for more than that.

I think that it will be a good year. There will be (lesson)writer's block, tears, doubts, and fears, but there will also be laughter, hugs, beautiful innocence, pure curiosity, and lots of learning for both students and teacher alike.

I had so many encouraging words coming my way last night and this morning, and I can't capture how thankful I am for all of that. It helped me shove the doubts away and walk into that classroom with confidence, knowing that it was okay not to know it all yet.

I'm so tired. I think I might be in bed before 11 tonight. Whoa -- times they are a-changin'.

~"Who dares to teach must never cease to learn." [-John Cotton Dana]~

"Be the God of all I am."

This song brought tears to my eyes and a portion of peace to my anxious heart on the eve of the true beginning of my teaching career. (No pressure.)

A reminder and prayer rolled into one song.

I'm going to play it about three million more times tonight. (Okay, fine...2,997,000 times. I have to go to bed early, y'know).

~"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen." [1 Peter 4:11]~

Fair Going

The smells of the greasy, fried, delicious foods that are so terrible to consume but so impossible to resist. The fair only comes once a year, and it's not a complete fair without some fair food -- the reasoning that makes one cave to the tempting corn dog. Crispy and delicious, and far from a let down.

The clink of the bar locking into place on the Ferris Wheel. The cart takes off into the air, and we are trying to recall the last time we've each been on one. The cooling summer breeze mingles with the pure sunshine at the top. We're close to the sky, maybe even part of the sky to the people below, and then we're swooping back down and around again. And again. And again. Then it's over, and off we go, back to the ground.

On to catching the crashing cars, the smashing sounds. The flying dirt, the dents and dings, the collective gasps and cheers of the crowd. Conversing in the lulls in action.

Ice cream and Rocky Horror Picture Show for the third time. A kitten making best friends and servants out of us all with her cuddling, her adamant meow, and her rattling purr. Owning the house and the people on her first night.

A walk, a talk, a goodbye.

Heat lightning dancing on the horizon on the drive home, jumping around like my thoughts.

A night to escape the thinking, planning, and nerves of teaching for a while. A welcome change of pace.

Thanks, friends.

~"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." [-Elwyn Brooks White]~

Summer's Simmering Down

Sometimes a day that is a mix of being lazy and being SUPER-productive is just what a girl needs. Like today

complete with updates from the Bears preseason game (thanks, Dad).

And a wonderful conversation to cap off the evening.

A calm, content heart to go to bed with, to enjoy the sounds of the crickets mingled with the breeze coming through the window.

To enjoy the last handful of summer with.

~"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." [Romans 12:12]~

Borrowed Words

Somebody posted this on Facebook tonight:

A teacher somewhere in your neighborhood is working in her classroom and preparing lessons to teach your children. In the minute it takes you to read this, teachers all over the world are using their "free time", and often investing their own money for your child's literacy, prosperity, and future. Re-post if ...you are a teacher, love a teacher, or appreciate a teacher.

It makes me want to give a huge hug and thanks to all the teachers I've had...now more than ever I am gaining an understanding of what people have invested in getting me to where I am today.

A Night Off

Open House: lots of faces. lots of names. did not know my room could hold that many people.

a good experience.

exhausting.

but good.

taking the night off of school-related things. yup, i hear glee calling my name on netflix right now.

~"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." [-Lily Tomlin]~

Final Stages of Preparation

It has almost happened. The classroom is nearly complete.

This would normally be a time for maniacal laughter, but, well, I like the idea of actually teaching kindergarteners. Nobody would trust a maniacal kindergarten teacher with their children. [Unless, perhaps, they didn't really like their children.]

Oh, by the way, when I said "complete" back there, I actually mean "things that aren't done and still need to be sorted have been shoved accordingly into the closet and an empty cabinet to remain there until after Open House so the room looks organized and inviting instead of still full of things I haven't quite gotten to yet and would rather not have as a reflection of my teaching because really it isn't." *breath* Yup, true story.

If you see me on the street sometime in the near future and I don't shake your hand, don't take it personally -- it's just the carpal tunnel from the cutting and tracing and typing and sticky-tacking preparations.

~"In teaching you cannot see the fruit of a day's work. It is invisible and remains so, maybe for twenty years." [-Jacques Barzun]~

Brief Break

On a roll with classroom stuff, can't stop now except for a few thoughts:

1) I'm glad this fresh-out-of-the-box teacher (read: first year teacher) thing only comes around once.

2) It's still surreal that this is it, the real deal, not just some abstract exercise or intense assignment for Methods classes.

3) I've already been here for a month. And I love it.

4) ONE WEEK from now I will be able to say I survived my very first First Day of School as the Teacher...look, Ma, no "Student" prefacing "Teacher." [That makes me think of the old Pull-Ups ads: "Mommy, wow! I'm a big girl now!"...which reminds me of a story I'll have to tell one day when I can't think of anything better to post.]

Back to teacher-y things. And watching a movie. Gotta get that multitasking back up to par, right? At least that's what I'll tell myself for now.

~"Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort." [-Paul J. Meyer]~

The Ideas, They Keep On Comin' Like Thunder

Have you ever had an idea that you just can't shake? And the more you try to ignore it, the more you seem like you can't concentrate on anything else? (Believe it or not, this is not classroom-related.)

Somebody put an idea in my head. I laughed it off at the time, but now -- WHOOSH -- there goes the floodgate. It swept away my concentration, too.

Fine, idea. I will cave to you for a little while, but then it's back to school stuff. You will just have to wait your turn.

I just looked out the window to see this:

And I am amazed, in love with the way nature reflects what I'm feeling.

Clouds obstructing the clarity of view (unsure these thoughts will pan out)

Small rumbles of thunder (excited, full of possibility despite uncertainty)

Beautiful swirls of color (the potential itself)

Sunlight streaming on the other end of the sky (hope)

Beautiful.

~"You began the work and I know You'll finish it." [- "Invasion" by Tripp Lee and featuring Jai]~

Uplifted

A friend whose company for the weekend brought

laughter...lots and lots of it

encouragement and

motivation

an extra set of hands

wonderful ideas

mind-clearing

heart-to-heart conversations

boatloads of patience

relaxation

A church service with

words my mind needed in

hymns and

a sermon about Peter sinking

fixing eyes on Jesus

peace

the Lord's Supper

smiles and handshakes

a surprise hug

hints of the beginning of belonging

comfort

laughter

A grocery store run-in

smiles, greetings

a familiar face

still new but refreshed memories of names

kind words and hospitality

helpful hints

excitement for the year

An evening of

ice cream for dinner

productivity

locker tags

good music up loud

knowing tomorrow will be okay

looking forward to the fellowship with coworkers

being reassured it will all get done.

~"Practice rather than preach. Make of your life an affirmation, defined by your ideals, not the negation of others. Dare to the level of your capability then go beyond to a higher level." [-Alexander Haig]~

SlowDown

Breathing.

Napping.

Movie watching.

Reading.

Those are all things that have been on the back burner for a bit with everything else going on. Okay, well, not really breathing because I'm still here, but the kind of relaxing breathing that comes with having breathing room for a change.

I'll be in my classroom pretty much every day between now and school starting so I figured I might as well take some time to relax and putter around the apartment. My apartment's now clean from top to bottom, and that feels good, too.

I haven't said anything about DN for a while. In case the suspense has been getting to you, I'll fill you in. Things haven't been as loud as they were the first week or two so maybe DN realized somebody moved in upstairs. I can still hear whatever it is going late at night sometimes, but hey, if nothing's rattling in my apartment, that's okay.

Still have some things to catch up around the apartment -- and emails to send back to people -- but they'll get done soon.

What a nice feeling to not have anything that absolutely has to get done tonight. It's been a while.

~"I heard Jesus, he drank wine, and I heard we'd get along just fine. He could calm the storm and heal the blind, and I bet he'd understand a heart like mine." [-"Heart Like Mine" by Miranda Lambert]~

Seven Pages to Victory

Class deadline is tomorrow at noon. Four papers got done so far today, and four more stand between me and the end. That's 7 pages -- 8 if you include the Works Cited page, but who counts that anyway? Aside from the prof, of course.

As much as I've learned, I will not be sad to be less attached to my computer. I will not cry about having no more papers to write until grad school.

SoClose to being able to breathe a sigh of relief as, for the first time this summer, homework doesn't loom over my head.

Until then, I'm plunging back into the homework abyss.

~"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." [-Judy Garland]~

(J-Edge, that quote also has me thinking of you and the beginning of your Big Move tomorrow! ♥)

An Evening of Flying Solo

My favorite Alaskans + my favorite Nebraskan + IHOP in Lincoln = a great time being reunited with the Seward fam.

Our plans had changed around a bit tonight, leaving me with a bigger window of time by myself in Lincoln. I had gotten there early -- yes, you read that right, not just on time, but EARLY!!! -- and now had a few hours to kill. With no agenda.

*gulp* Uh oh.

Usually when I find myself out and about alone, I think of the people I've been meaning to call and still get my socializing in (unless I'm grocery shopping, but that's a story for another time). And I rush to get done as quickly as possible.

Tonight I put the phone away. I did my errands. When I was done, I walked around the mall. I got something to eat and wandered around some more. Then I headed to b&n -- my Happy Place -- and wandered through the children's section and then to the journals. I needed a new journal, anyways, and happily came across one. I sat in the cafe writing, listening to the snippets of conversations around me mingled with the sounds of the baristas at work.

I caved to the cell phone only when people called me.

This isn't so bad. In fact, I could get used to this.

It was a relief of a realization, too, because I've also recently done some thinking that landed me into the conclusion that I honestly will not be dating any time in the near future. [That's another post in and of itself, perhaps]. The point is that it's necessary to be comfortable like this. It's not good to be alone, but it's also not good to never be alone. Even Jesus spent time in solitude.

~"It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it." [-Rainer Maria Rilke]~

Summer's Slowly Fading

s l o w l y

things really are getting done.

another parent met, this time with a student (that makes 4 kiddos that I've met so far - love them already).

a door decorated.

a job chart labeled and hung up.

letters, letters, and more letters getting cut out.

a "star of the week" bag created.

more decoration plans made.

...and yet I still feel like I've barely gotten anything done.

So much to do, so little time.

Next week begins the "official" meetings. The week after is when school starts.

where did my summer go?

~"Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled in balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world." [-Ada Louise Huxtable]~

A Long Phone Conversation Brings...

Amazement at what a combination of being comfortable and being honest can bring out in a conversation.

Time disappears for a while, stops dictating where I am or what I'm doing.

Refreshing, uplifting, energizing words.

A reassured heart and mind.

Faded worries -- I wonder what I was worrying about before we talked.

A great feeling to not have them.

Wonderings. "What ifs."

Laughter.

Teasing.

Truths.

Admiration.

Thankfulness

for such a wonderful friend, one who

understands yet challenges me,

picks on me and supports me simultaneously somehow,

makes me laugh at my own insecurities and look past them,

dreams with me and lets my imagination run wild,

laughs at my terrible [attempts] at jokes,

faces truths rather than running from them,

answers my questions without hesitation,

leaves my cheeks aching from laughing and smiling.

~"You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breath...oh, you make me smile." ["Smile" - Uncle Kracker]~