Some Days...

I get grumpy and discouraged.

seeing what didn't go as planned.

acknowledging time poorly spent.

recognizing how much i have to learn.

I get impatient.

taking extra breaths to calm down in the classroom, to shut out my own shortcomings and to embrace the learning of my students (even about respect and listening)

ready to graduate.

more than ready to be home.

planning around distance that only seems to grow bigger by the days between our visits.

I get nervous.

trying to hold on too tightly to things, even things beyond my control.

seeking reassurance.

trying to fake strength i don't really have.

And then I think about

prayer.

being wrapped up in a hug so warm, so comfortable that it shuts out the world for a while.

little joys tucked away in hidden pockets of the day

someone just being there to say it's gonna be okay. reminding me i'm okay sometimes, too.

remembering tomorrow's a brand new day that i haven't messed anything up in yet.

And I will mess things up tomorrow. It just happens. We don't always have to like the learning process, but we're always going to do it anyway.

~"Don't tell God how big your problems are; tell your problems how big your God is." [-unknown...but thanks to 1 L Shel for sharing it.]~

"Fruitful Error"

Today I learned...

Not to beat a concept to death. If the kids get it, move on. Spend that precious time instead on learning something they don't already have mastered.

Not to beat myself up too much. I had both my co-op and my principal tell me not to beat myself up about things that happened today...and I needed to hear it from both of them. There's no way I would've ever told myself not to do that.

Really, some days of the week are always going to be the hardest just because of the schedule. Like Thursdays where we have 3 specials in addition to library time. If I were a 2nd grader looking at that kinda day, I'd hardly be able to contain my excitement, too.

On an unrelated note, I stopped at Target on the way home from the post office today. I had to stop there anyway, but I took some time to just wander through the home aisles again. I love dreaming of what my home will look like. And then...

I found dishes.

Slowly but surely, even the details are falling into place.

And then I came home to 3 pieces of mail, including a new battery for my laptop. I am mobile once more for the first time since sophomore year of college. Oh, the rush of freedom. :)

Today was a good, good day...even if some of the learning was rough.

~"Give me a fruitful error any time, full of seeds, bursting with its own corrections. You can keep your sterile truth for yourself." [-Vilfredo Pereto]~

Learning

Encouragement.

Lifted up for the day. Lifted the day up. [faith, hope, and love.]

Realization: I'm harder on myself than ever before at a time when I'm supposed to be growing the most.

Grasping at the future and the past all at once, reminding myself of where I'm going and yet trying to reach for everything that got me this far all at once.

Not wanting to go at it alone. Being reminded that I'm not. That I am equipped. [Thank you.]

Trying to be supportive while inwardly crying out like a little girl for approval, for knowing I'm doing something right, trying to pretend I'm stronger than I really am.

[I am stronger than I think sometimes, but nowhere near as strong as I sometimes lead people to believe.]

Sometimes the smile I see on my second graders' faces match the one I have one the inside -- the unsure, shy one asking, "Am I doing this right?"

Whisper words of wisdom:

"Let it be."

[The Beatles]