Fall(ing).

I adore this season. I always forget just how much I enjoy inhaling that unmatchable smell of the leaves that are lying on the ground in wait, just inviting everything from being raked to being crunched under shoes. The colors and the way they creep in and merge and coincide with one another, slowly seeping into unsuspecting green leaves, leave me in awe. I love the blemish-free blue skies, freed from the patterns of intruding white clouds. I almost hesitate to use the word "crisp" to describe things outside of the food realm, but the breeze truly holds a crisp aspect to it as it whisks through my hair while I walk around campus. I can't help but take a deep breath and smile, relishing the splendor that is autumn.

I've come to the realization that I am afraid to fall again. Wait, no, that's not it. I'm afraid to fall for the wrong thing again. I don't want to put my heart on the line even in the slightest bit anymore if it's not going to be worth it. It goes deeper than not wanting to be hurt anymore though by somebody who turns out to be a jerk; I don't want to be a jerk to any guy again. After some conversations with a few close friends, I've come to understand a little bit more about myself though, and my dating tendencies, and I don't know what's worth it any more and what's not. I keep praying for God's will here, but I can't help but hope that I don't end up having to wait years for the guy who is worth it. I've given up my idea of being engaged by the time I'm out of college, but it'd be nice to at least have something by graduation so I don't feel like a total failure at this game.

~"In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds morning, and is refreshed." [Khalil Gibran]~