Ouch.

I hate to admit it, but I am hurt. I am happy about my decision and feel no regrets about this transfer -- which is good, because it's too late to turn back now that I'm officially accepted -- but I was wrong in where I placed my trust in the reactions and support of those around me. The people I thought would have the worst reactions had the best, and somebody I truly thought would be happy for me is anything but.

I wish it didn't bug me like this.

I wish even more that it wasn't this way...especially when I am the happiest I have been in quite a while, and things are falling into place for amazing things. This wouldn't happen if I were still in Chicago.

~"Love is a movement. Love is a revolution." ["Love Is A Movement] - Switchfoot]~

Only by faith.

While I'm not ready to give full details yet because there are some people who I need to talk to about this first, allow me to say that things are good right now. No, things are more than that...they are great. I've gotten a lot figured out in the past few days, but the pieces have been coming together for quite a while. It's a great feeling. Granted, with these resolved things come a whole host of new unknowns to face, but they are not unconquerable. I have a pretty amazing God by my side, and His plans have always been better than mine, so I know that whatever happens will work out for the best...and just in case there was any more doubt there, I just have to look back on how things have gone the past few days to be reminded.

Anyways, I've been going to church regularly out here at a church across the street from campus, today being the celebration All Saints Day. It really hit me hard...it brought back some memories I have been trying (and succeeding) to repress for some time, good and bad, and it also made my heart ache for a friend whose father was killed just last week in a car crash. I was really frustrated at first and even had a thought or two about leaving because of how uncomfortable I was, but then I realized, Hey, this is part of a good congregation...there are bad things in this life, and we can't pretend like they don't exist on Sunday mornings while we are worshiping. No, no. That's not conducive to being built up in faith. Things like death do exist, they do rock us to our very core (if you've known me for a while, you've seen this in my own life), they do cause us pain that we don't know what to do with, they can cause us to lose our way in faith. What's more important, however, is that the same things that threaten to destroy us are the very things which strengthen our faith. This is why we can't avoid these sermons that make bring the pain to the surface again. Although the pastor's sermon nearly made me break down, the words within it built me up once more and let me reconnect with the joy that came with that shattering situation...that joy that Heaven is greater than we can imagine, and all of those saints who have passed from this world into the next have their own beautiful place in Heaven where they are in an amazing place. The pastor asked us why we would want to have our loved ones back from this glorious experience and instead prompted us to look forward to the day where we can share their Heavenly experience with them.

What I love the most about this sermon? The timing. You never stop having waves of sorrow or regret for the lost times or times you could have with people that you've lost. Well, God works in mysterious ways, and having just watched The Notebook last night and this being the 2nd, two big reminders of the two people I miss most, I couldn't have prayed for better timing on this.

~"Heaven is a wonderful place, filled with glory and grace. When I get to Heaven, gonna see God's face. Heaven is a wonderful place." (a song we used to sing in middle school in chapel...)~

Connecting and reconnecting.

So this weekend I went on a roadtrip to Denver with a few friends to see a hockey game -- the Colorado Avalanche. It was, oddly enough, the quintessential college roadtrip. That's what one of my friends and I decided. We drove hours to get there, got bumped up to better seats (CRAZY cool), saw an absolutely stunning victory (overtime AND a shootout!), stopped and took some random pictures along the way, and now I'm in the midst of an all-nighter to write a paper. So worth it. =o)

On a random note, I'm sick of not having the courage to listen to my own heart and do something about it. Now's the time for that to change. What fun are regretful "what ifs"?

I've been touched again by "First Time" by Lifehouse over the past week, especially after this weekend, so how 'bout some lyrics?

We're both looking for something
That we've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

[Chorus]
Looking at you, holding my breath,
For once in my life I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance letting you inside.

I'm feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Well maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
Can feel for the first time

The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

[Chorus]

We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home

[Chorus]

Like being in love she said for the first time
Like being in love can feel for the first time

Fall(ing).

I adore this season. I always forget just how much I enjoy inhaling that unmatchable smell of the leaves that are lying on the ground in wait, just inviting everything from being raked to being crunched under shoes. The colors and the way they creep in and merge and coincide with one another, slowly seeping into unsuspecting green leaves, leave me in awe. I love the blemish-free blue skies, freed from the patterns of intruding white clouds. I almost hesitate to use the word "crisp" to describe things outside of the food realm, but the breeze truly holds a crisp aspect to it as it whisks through my hair while I walk around campus. I can't help but take a deep breath and smile, relishing the splendor that is autumn.

I've come to the realization that I am afraid to fall again. Wait, no, that's not it. I'm afraid to fall for the wrong thing again. I don't want to put my heart on the line even in the slightest bit anymore if it's not going to be worth it. It goes deeper than not wanting to be hurt anymore though by somebody who turns out to be a jerk; I don't want to be a jerk to any guy again. After some conversations with a few close friends, I've come to understand a little bit more about myself though, and my dating tendencies, and I don't know what's worth it any more and what's not. I keep praying for God's will here, but I can't help but hope that I don't end up having to wait years for the guy who is worth it. I've given up my idea of being engaged by the time I'm out of college, but it'd be nice to at least have something by graduation so I don't feel like a total failure at this game.

~"In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds morning, and is refreshed." [Khalil Gibran]~

Little kids and love.

What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . .

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes.


A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think.


'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.
'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.


He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.
'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
'

Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.
'

Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
'

Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.


Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.


When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

It's been a while...

So the semester's good so far. There have been some let-downs, but there are plenty of upsides that make up for them. We make sure that we have a lotta fun out here. We just do a lot of stuff, mostly random stuff, and that's what really makes it a good time. My classes are pretty enjoyable, too, so that helps a lot. I have THE coolest Eng. prof. I've ever had, and I get him for Modern Poetry AND World Lit., so I have him every day.

Sometimes I do get really lonely, but that happens anywhere. It's usually triggered by seeing my friends here catch up with people that they've known from years past. I know that I'm missing out on doing that on my own campus, and I obviously don't have anyone here that I can do that with. I feel enough out of the loop sometimes, and that just adds to it. Fortunately I've been pushed into being more social than I once was, and I deal with things like that as they come. It's to be expected. At least one of my friends warned me about this beforehand because he went through a similar transition when he transferred. It still is never what you expect when people do give you a heads up on things like that.

What strikes me the most about being here is the amazing sense of kindness and faith that are so prevalent. It is really hard to explain because it's one of those things that you never really would completely understand unless you've experienced it, but I know that this environment here is what a Concordia really should feel like. It's definitely fostering my faith, and I love it.

It's going to be really difficult to leave some of these people behind again. I must admit that if it weren't for the fact that I'm so far along in my college career, I'd probably stay out here. It'd be far too much of a hassle at this point to transfer. Besides, I miss enough things about the people on the CUC campus and about that area to warrant going back.

I went home last weekend for a wedding of a guy who my brother and I grew up with, and it was so surreal sitting at the airport and just realizing how much not only how much this experience has already changed me, but just how much I've grown since college began in general. Granted, not all of these are traits I'd like to have stick with me for my whole life, but there's been a heckuva lot that's changed. Those kinds of moments of reflection are much needed sometimes, and they seem to happen best when going back to the place where I used to be both in location and in self.

I already get teary-eyed thinking about leaving. I can't imagine what it will actually be like to part ways in December. Ah well. I just keep reminding myself not to let that stop me from living it up and enjoying each day as much as I can, even if it means putting off homework and staying up late to finish it sometimes.

~"Nothing I can do will ever change your mind. Maybe I'd feel better if I told somebody." ["I'll Believe You When" - Matchbox Twenty]~

Someday. ♥

1. Touch her waist.


2. Actually talk to her.


3. Share secrets with her.


4.Give her 1 of your sweatshirts.


5. Kiss her slowly.


6. Hug her.


7. Hold her.


8. Laugh with her.


9. Invite her everywhere.


10. Hang out with her and your friends together.


11. Smile with her.


12. Take pictures with her.


13. Pull her onto your lap.


14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.


15. When her friends say, "I love her more than you," deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.


16. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.


17. Kiss her unexpectedly.


18. Hug her from behind around the waist.


19. Tell her she's beautiful.


20. Tell her the way you feel about her.


21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.


22. Tell her she's your everything - ONLY if you mean it.


23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her.


24. Make her feel loved.


25.Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know.


25. We might deny it but we actually like it when you tickle us.


26.DON'T lie to her.


27.
DON'T cheat on her!

28.Take her ANYWHERE she wants.


29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.


30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.


31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.


32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.


33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).


34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.


35. Don;t EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If she's upset, comfort her.


36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.


37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.


38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle.


39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.


40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible && MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.


41.Call or text her EVERY night to wish her SWEET DREAMS.


42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.


43. Take her for LONG walks at night.


44. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her.


45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much ypu love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.


46.Rub her back--feels good.


47. Give her your coat if she's cold--thats always cute.


48.Write letters on her back with your finger-- it feels nice.


49.Let her sit on your lap.


50. DON'T poke her hard...but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.


51. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC.


52. Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she's BEAUTIFUL.


53. Keep conversations flowing...talk about anything and usually they just go along with it.


54. If her hair is in her face, move it out of her face and then kiss her passionately and gently.


55. Surprisingly sneak up on her and hug her from behind-- she loves it.


56. Kiss her in the rain.


57. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her.


58.Slow dance with no music.


59. Don't ignore her or be nervous around her--everything is going to be okay.


60. Love her, kiss her, hold her, and you'll be good to go.




Guys Repost: "i would do this for her"
Girls Repost: "60 things a girl wants but wont ask"