"Maybe I'll find some peace tonight."

I haven't updated since the very beginning of the semester. Part of that is my own pride and stubbornness because I didn't want to admit how hard this semester's been for me. The truth is that it has been extremely difficult on multiple levels, and I feel like there are few ways that I've left untouched in terms of things that have gotten messy.

It was hard to even come back out here. I felt like it was terrible timing to leave my family with a lot of things that were going on there and with having just moved in with my dad literally the same week I was coming back here. If I had known at the beginning of the summer how those 3 months were going to go, I would not have planned on coming back for the fall semester. As it was, I wanted to take a semester off, but my dad said no. I obviously survived, though. :-P

I've also just been in a terrible spot financially for most of the semester because work this summer did not go NEARLY as planned, and I barely made any money. I didn't start work until a month into the semester despite getting the job immediately in the beginning of the year, and I didn't get my first paycheck until a week ago. Now I understand how families can be torn apart by the stress of financial troubles...because it is a constant thought on your mind and makes you terribly tense and uptight. It's a terrible feeling.

Working again has been great, though. I am lucky to get to work with kids 6 days a week, 5 of which are at work at a preschool; the 6th day is teaching Sunday school at my church. The latter tends to be QUITE a challenge every single week, but the preschool is more great times than frustrating ones. Both opportunities are great preparation for being a teacher someday and reaffirms the grade level I would prefer to teach at. My kids at the preschool really just make me smile...nothing compares to the feeling of an ambush of tiny arms on your legs when you walk into the room. Talk about a good stress reliever! :-) At this point of the semester when I've realized how terribly I've been doing over the past few weeks, I need that reminder every day from my kids that I'm good at something because it sure as heck doesn't always feel that way.

This is one of the best roommate situations I've been in, too. First of all, I loooove an apartment-style dorm. It's great to have room to spread out rather than being confined to a single space for EVERYthing. We also have such an interesting dynamic with such different personalities and interests, but it's beautiful because we mesh so well. Pretty much never a dull moment here, haha...our quote wall's reeeeaaaally filling up quickly. We're pretty ridiculous...and we'll have some pretty great (and embarrassing, haha!) stories to tell each other's children someday. :-P

Well, this is already a lengthy post, but I'm going to post song lyrics to one of my all-time favorite songs...it's one of those that just strikes me over and over again because it's beautiful AND because I know that feeling she's talking about. If you've never heard "Angel" by Sarach McLachlan, look it up...it's a must-hear.

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance,
for a break that would make it okay.

There's always some reason
to feel not good enough,
and it's hard, at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,
Oh, beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty,
Oh, and weightless,
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight.

CHORUS:
In the arms of the angel,
fly away from here,
from this dark, cold hotel room,
and the endlessness that you feel.

You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel,
may you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line,
and everywhere you turn,
there's vultures and
thieves at your back.

The storm keeps on twisting.
Keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack.

Don't make no difference,
escape one last time.
It's easier to believe in
this sweet madness,
Oh, this glorious sadness,
that brings me to my knees.

REPEAT CHORUS

You're in the arms of the angel,
may you find some comfort here.