Beautiful love.

I was doing a bit of poking around online earlier (it is, after all, that time of the school year when motivation is hard to come by), and I came across a quote that I just had to write down right away.

"The key to being beautiful is always to be looking at someone who loves you, really." [-Julia Roberts]

Whether you are looking toward a family member, a close friend, a significant other, or our absolutely amazing and glorious God, realize that there is always somebody loving you. Take that love and relish it, reflect it. Don't be afraid to let yourself be loved, even if you don't feel like you deserve that love. One of the most beautiful parts of love is how freely it can be given to anyone. It is a choice. It is a gift. It is a blessing.

Hitting the Breaks.

No, that's not a typo in the title for anyone itching to point it out to me with my grammarian tendencies. It's simply a play on words; puns are becoming increasingly more common coming from me lately due to some influence from a certain someone...*smiles*

Anyways, I never thought I'd make it through that semester. It was the best semester of college by far for many, many reasons, but it was also very trying and stressful. It sometimes was overwhelming, but thankfully there were people to help me until I found my way again. I am walking out of this semester feeling stronger than I have in a while. What's more is that I feel like a whole person again because I'm truly content with where I am at this point.

It's been really nice to sit back and relax during break, and to have a great Christmas. I've really been enjoying having a full 5 days without any work and without any homework...I've been free to stay up ridiculously late and sleep until noon, stay in pajamas all day, and watch a ridiculous amount of Gilmore Girls with Mom. It helps that there has been ridiculous fog over the past two days; it kind of deters you from going out more than what's truly necessary when you can't even see the end of your driveway. I've also gotten to see Valkyrie and Yes Man...I'd recommend waiting to rent the first, but I strongly suggest seeing the second...especially if you have a wonderful twin to go with, haha! I've also read the first two books in the Twilight series, and although they were decent, my life would still be complete if I didn't get to read the remainder of the series.

At the beginning of this break I realized just how worn out I was after this semester. My goal for next semester is still to have as much fun as possible and kick total butt in terms of classes, but I also need to work on taking care of myself better. Someday I'll master that...

~"Shoot for the moon, for even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars." [Les Brown]~

Random, I know...

Doesn't it scare you sometimes the extreme potential the mind -- particularly the writer's mind -- has to come up with in terms of warped ideas?

Christmas season at last!

We last left our heroine amidst many papers, a new relationship, and some conflicts needing resolution. Where is she now, you ask. Stay tuned to find out...

Thanksgiving break flew by way too quickly, of course. There was some work, lots of family time, got to see some friends, got a bit of homework done, some reading for fun, and got to do some shopping and cooking. Oh, and I got to see Twilight, which I enjoyed. I can hardly wait to read the book over Christmas break. The week kind of ended on a low note, but getting back to school was a definite plus...especially with the weather that delayed many people from getting back on time. I was lucky to fly out when I did.

Things have been crazy with it being the last few weeks of the semester, and not just from the work. I've been trying to figure things out with getting an advisor and registering for classes and that kinda stuff. Let me tell ya...if you decide to transfer schools, do it before midterm. The more time you have to work with that stuff, the better.

I also am starting the path towards adult instruction and baptism. I've talked to the campus pastor, and we're going to get things going on that. That's been on my heart for a while, so being on that path is extremely exciting for me! I literally was bouncing in my chair when I was talking to the pastor. He's like, "Do you always bounce like that?" Why yes, yes I do...especially when I am geeked about something.

Speaking of being geeked, I am a very blessed and very happy girl. My boyfriend is amazing...he definitely exceeds my dreams and what I dared to hope for. He is funny, sweet, compassionate, spontaneous, intellectual, and (most importantly) a man of faith. We mesh crazy-well, and our relationship has not ceased to grow every single day. He is my friend, my accountability partner, my complementary, and my supporter; I strive to be all of these things to him. I am thankful for every single day with him. We can just talk for hours together, and it doesn't get boring. I can now look back on all of the times I cried over a guy and the pain he caused, the times things didn't work out like I thought they should, the times where I was caught up in the wrong motives and suffered due to poor judgment, the flings, and the loneliness of being single, and I know that it has brought me an appreciation for what we have, and especially for this amazing guy. =o)

Hang in there for the rest of the semester, guys. We've been through it plenty of times now that we know the drill, but we still tend to stress more than we should. Make sure you're taking time for relaxing and doing things to keep yourself sane right now!

By the way, Christmas time is my favorite time of year...I am so happy it's finally here!

~"I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose, clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose..." ["I Will Remember You" - Sarah McLachlan]~

Happiness and poetry.

It's been a great past few week...wandering bookstores, seeing Fireproof (a great movie that I'd recommend to any and everyone...especially those in a relationship), ice skating, going to the mall, going out to eat a few times, making pancakes, and IM volleyball. There are some things that still need resolution, and these things are kind of burdening my heart right now, but hey, you know what? I'm not stressing. It'll work out.

It's also been ridiculously amazing with my boyfriend...it just all fits, y'know? We're off to an extremely promising start. I'm a blessed girl. =o)

The next few weeks are going to be crazy with the amount of reading for one class alone, not to mention some papers that need writing and a presentation that needs researching. I say bring. it. on.

I can't believe we're down to the last month of the semester already, though...it sure did fly by.

Aaaand leaving off with a poem today...=o)

Simples
by James Joyce

O bella bionda,
Sei come l'onda!

Of cool sweet dew and radiance mild
The moon a web of silence weaves
In the still garden where a child
Gathers the simple salad leaves.

A moondew stars her hanging hair
And moonlight kisses her young brow
And, gathering, she sings an air:
Fair as the wave is, fair, art thou!

Be mine, I pray, a waxen ear
To shield me from her childish croon
And mine a shielded heart for her
Who gathers simples of the moon.

Ouch.

I hate to admit it, but I am hurt. I am happy about my decision and feel no regrets about this transfer -- which is good, because it's too late to turn back now that I'm officially accepted -- but I was wrong in where I placed my trust in the reactions and support of those around me. The people I thought would have the worst reactions had the best, and somebody I truly thought would be happy for me is anything but.

I wish it didn't bug me like this.

I wish even more that it wasn't this way...especially when I am the happiest I have been in quite a while, and things are falling into place for amazing things. This wouldn't happen if I were still in Chicago.

~"Love is a movement. Love is a revolution." ["Love Is A Movement] - Switchfoot]~

Only by faith.

While I'm not ready to give full details yet because there are some people who I need to talk to about this first, allow me to say that things are good right now. No, things are more than that...they are great. I've gotten a lot figured out in the past few days, but the pieces have been coming together for quite a while. It's a great feeling. Granted, with these resolved things come a whole host of new unknowns to face, but they are not unconquerable. I have a pretty amazing God by my side, and His plans have always been better than mine, so I know that whatever happens will work out for the best...and just in case there was any more doubt there, I just have to look back on how things have gone the past few days to be reminded.

Anyways, I've been going to church regularly out here at a church across the street from campus, today being the celebration All Saints Day. It really hit me hard...it brought back some memories I have been trying (and succeeding) to repress for some time, good and bad, and it also made my heart ache for a friend whose father was killed just last week in a car crash. I was really frustrated at first and even had a thought or two about leaving because of how uncomfortable I was, but then I realized, Hey, this is part of a good congregation...there are bad things in this life, and we can't pretend like they don't exist on Sunday mornings while we are worshiping. No, no. That's not conducive to being built up in faith. Things like death do exist, they do rock us to our very core (if you've known me for a while, you've seen this in my own life), they do cause us pain that we don't know what to do with, they can cause us to lose our way in faith. What's more important, however, is that the same things that threaten to destroy us are the very things which strengthen our faith. This is why we can't avoid these sermons that make bring the pain to the surface again. Although the pastor's sermon nearly made me break down, the words within it built me up once more and let me reconnect with the joy that came with that shattering situation...that joy that Heaven is greater than we can imagine, and all of those saints who have passed from this world into the next have their own beautiful place in Heaven where they are in an amazing place. The pastor asked us why we would want to have our loved ones back from this glorious experience and instead prompted us to look forward to the day where we can share their Heavenly experience with them.

What I love the most about this sermon? The timing. You never stop having waves of sorrow or regret for the lost times or times you could have with people that you've lost. Well, God works in mysterious ways, and having just watched The Notebook last night and this being the 2nd, two big reminders of the two people I miss most, I couldn't have prayed for better timing on this.

~"Heaven is a wonderful place, filled with glory and grace. When I get to Heaven, gonna see God's face. Heaven is a wonderful place." (a song we used to sing in middle school in chapel...)~