Spring Cleaning

It's tough to ignore the writer within demanding time to slow down and truly contemplate things, savoring them until they dissolve into some semblance of meaning. 

Ideas have been rolling around in my head. 

Words are threatening to spill out of me whether I want them to or not. 

My mind has gotten too crowded to hold the must-dos and to-dos and need-tos and want-tos and should-dos while these ideas pile up unused. 

I not only want to write, I need to. 

My head can't handle it when I don't. 

And neither can my attention span. 

Or, truth be told, my heart.

I could claim that life has kept me too busy or shape some other excuse, but the reality is that words can be powerful, sometimes too much so. Within them can lie some truths we don't want to face, possibilities we don't want to consider, or stories we just aren't ready to revisit. Writing challenges us to look reality square in the eye and examine it boldly. Honestly, it takes guts sometimes, and sometimes I lack them. 

I'm challenging myself to get back in the habit of squaring my shoulders, anchoring my feet, and holding my chin high as I look life in the face and consider all it has to offer. 

I'm done holding so much in...it's time to open up and free up some space in this head of mine again. 

Nebraska Fans to the Core

Scene: A kindergarten classroom where the teacher is reading a book about the Easter story to the kiddos.

Students: What does "victorious" mean?

Me: Well, think about a football game. What's Miss M's favorite team?
Students: The Huskers.
Me: What's Miss M's other favorite football team?
Students' Various Answers:
The Corn...Huskers?
Nebraska Huskers?
Nebraska Cornhuskers?
Me: What team do I tell you is why I always put blue and orange together, guys?
Students: Ummm....
Me: (sigh) The CHICAGO BEARS!
Students: OHHHH.

The scene continued with me using the Bears playing against the Huskers to explain "victorious."

Oh, they make me laugh so much sometimes. I love them. :)

The Aching Truth

The truths begin trickling in, but soon the tiny stream is a rushing, raging river welling up. It slams into the walls of realizations.

She is paralyzed by the forces at work within, powerless to stop them, so she allows them to well up and escape her lips.

She isn't quite sure how much time has passed, but she notices after a while that the rush has begun to slow down. Soon it has become little more than an occasional drop.

She inhales fully, comfortably, peacefully, and begins to move forward.

Lazy Days

...waking up to double the cuddles with my pup and our overnight doggy guest.

...to catch up on thinking

...to savor coffee

...to get up early enough to catch the dew on the grass but still feel rested

...to write and write and write

...to not feel guilty about blowing off responsibility for a while

...to let my hair dry into a crazy indecisive wavy/straight mix

...to walk slowly in the sunshine

...to let music play all day

...to chase a headache away

...to relax, renew, recharge for what comes next

...to plan, catch up, get ahead, and create

Triumph

That moment where you take a deep, satisfying, relieved breath to enjoy the lifting of a burden that has been dwelling there for months...

when you realize you made it through

and maybe even did okay in the process

Next time will be better, you think.

And then you chuckle.

Next time?? Bring it on.

Exhausted Praying

That kind of exhaustion that comes with constantly being beaten over the head with how much you don't know...by the mistakes you make chasing after what those seasoned by years in the profession know now by instinct...with trying to push through it all to make it all work...

It's the kind of exhaustion I am looking forward to experiencing less frequently down the road...

Because now, this very second, I find myself recalling the frequency they told us that our goal the first year would become survival...and here I am, hoping to make it through, cringing at mistakes, praying for strength, wisdom, patience beyond measure, love, and rest.

But I pray this not just for myself, but those in their own forms of survival mode, too...because we are never alone...

My New [Possible] Obsession

After months of considering, researching, and getting some time to play in my mom's, I buckled down ands bought an iPad.

What finally convinced me was a) all of the possible applications in my classroom and b) the dodgy sound on my laptop. Not so conducive to Skyping amidt a long distance relationship, as it turns out.

I have to admit I was second guessing it a lot when I first took it out of the box and started setting it up. I was super-reluctant about anything with a touch screen and resisted them for a good, long while. After spending some time exploring apps and playing around with it, though, I love it. One of my favorite things so far has been how great the sound is so I can play music while puttering around my apartment. It's now my favorite cleaning companion.

I'm pretty excited to see what else I can do with it...including with this blog. Perhaps some more vlogs will be in order. :)