Sweet Summertime

It's SUMMER VACATION!!!

I love summer break and the opportunities it brings to spend more time with family -- both near and far. We've planned a few opportunities for seeing our far-away family this summer, and I'm really looking forward to catching up with everyone. We also have some things we want to tackle together, too.

We've been out for just shy of two weeks now, and it's been busy! The first week was full of meetings, an out-of-town conference, and tying up loose ends on the classroom management front. I've been working on a few other projects for school that I've been itching to do -- whew, what a blessing to have the time to work on them!

Tim is keeping busy working on our basement project. I'm so thankful for my husband's dedication and his skills to tackle these handy-man projects to make this home fit our visions. We're looking forward to getting the tile for the bathroom so he can start that soon. The next step will be picking the paint color. So far we've agreed on most things for the bathroom on the first try, so let's hope this unprecedented renovation trend continues!

Tim and I worked on our garden this weekend. I learned how to use the tiller -- and guys, I felt like I could take on the world after tilling the garden. Power tools are SO FUN. We got everything planted, including some herbs in containers this year. I've only tried growing dill in containers last year, and it didn't really end well. Hopefully it will all go better this year. More on the garden later.

It's also been great getting to spend more time playing with the dogs. The weather's gorgeous again, and that means we've gotten to break out the bubbles again. It's also nice just letting them nap in the grass while we're working out there. The warm weather also means lots of shedding -- and more brushing. I definitely appreciate having extra time for that. Squirt may be small, but dude seems to have no end to the fur that comes out when he gets brushed.

To be honest, Squirt gave us a scare in February when he got very, very sick. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and put on meds, and he's been doing well since then. It has brought him to a whole new level of Old Man Dog, complete with doggy diapers and his own pill organizer. There's no set timeline with CHF, so I am savoring each day with my "first baby" and being grateful for how well he's been doing on his medication. I don't mind having extra time to snuggle with the little guy, though!

We've also been getting things squared away for me to have my tonsils and adenoids out. I'm so not looking forward to the surgery or recovery, but I'm really looking forward to no longer constantly having a sore throat. I think my hubby will be glad not to hear me complaining about my sore throat and asking him to buy more Fudgesicles. ;)

It's a blessing to have time to slow down to truly experience all of these things and truly enjoy the little things. It's a nice change from running on Survival Mode and moving down the checklist of things that must get done. This is what summer is for - being truly present in the moment and savoring it all. I used to think it was the sunshine and heat that made everything seem sweeter, brighter, and better in summer -- I realize now it's how summer's longer days give us more time and energy to enjoy the life we're in.

Reconnecting.

Have you ever had a time where you just paused to truly examine your life? Those are intimidating moments where you're forced to honestly analyze where your time and energy is going. You're either going to be pleased or disappointed with what you find in those moments. 

I've had a few of those moments, and I was disappointed to find that I was disappointed. I love teaching with all my heart, but I never expected it to consume me. Somewhere along the line I lost a lot of "me" for the sake of my profession. I don't regret giving my time and energy to help my kiddos flourish; I regret that I lost track of who I was outside of a teacher. I actually began questioning what it was I enjoyed outside of teaching because it seemed like the only other things I did beyond schoolwork were sleep and eat. It was a real wake up call when I realized how it impacted me to the point where I was sacrificing my own well-being for the sake of my career. 

God has placed so many blessings in my life. While those include being able to do what I love each day for a job, I know that using my gifts and talents to honor God go beyond my classroom. I know I'm meant to use them to be a good wife, daughter, granddaughter, friend, dog momma, and neighbor. I know I'm meant to have some hobbies that I spent time doing to rest and recharge so I can fulfill my callings to be all of these things to others. 

So what do you do when you've lost track of who you are and what you enjoy? You pause, pray, and make some changes. 

I recently heard a blurb on K-Love about how we can invest so much time in what we think is important that we forget to invest in what's really important. The speaker continued on to say that sometimes we have to do okay instead of great on things and let some things go to make time for things that matter, like time with family. 

I've been trying to put that into practice, and it's made it less stressful to decide to simply make note of an idea for next time I teach that lesson rather than trying to make magic happen the night before I want something. I don't have to act on every idea right now to improve lessons. I can wait to grade until the next day if I really need some extra time playing with the dogs to de-stress. I can go to bed early and leave some things unfinished. I can talk on the phone with my family instead of sweeping all the floors on a weeknight -- the fur will still be there come the weekend. 

I've had some time off for Easter break, and I have literally spent most of it crocheting and watercolor painting. I've also done my share of watching Netflix, listening to music, letter writing, and watching the Crane Cam to see the sandhill cranes. I've also gotten to help my hubby with our basement project. That's not to say that I won't tackle school stuff before we go back on Tuesday, but I don't regret investing time to reconnect with things I enjoy. I am taking time to be me, and it feels good. It's been too long. 

Way Back Behind the Starting Line

I'd tell you that I'd rather have plans change because I did something to mess them up, but I'm not sure that's true.

I'd tell you that I'd rather have plans change because of someone else or something that's out of my control, but that's not true either.

I'd really rather just have my plans stay just as they were to begin with.

But then again, maybe that's not true, either.

See, here's the thing:
There is beauty in the unexpected.

I'm working through some frustrations right now over having to miss out on something I was really, really looking forward to -- because life happens, you know? -- but I just feel like pouting about it and being mad for a while. I want to stomp and grump and be childish about it.

I'm taking this change of plans harder than usual because I had a plan and was finally ready to start taking steps on a new adventure. Missing out on this one thing temporarily robs me of my first step. It postpones the beginning of my journey, and I'm really mad because it took a long time and many factors to push me to the starting line with confidence and determination. I prayed and planned and sought advice and prayed and planned some more, and I mustered my courage, and now I'm stuck waiting again.

I'm still confident and determined, mind you, but now I'm pushed back 50 yards behind my starting line.

And yet...

Perhaps this extra time is what I need to prepare myself to do my best. 

Perhaps it's a call to focus my time and energy in some other areas for now. 

Or perhaps it was a chance to see just how much I want this new adventure to be reality. 

This is a temporary setback, but it's an opportunity for other things to happen. And usually when something else happens besides what I have planned it ends up being much more awesome than what I'd planned to begin with.

So I'll take some deep breaths, stretch a little more to get ready, and hit the ground running again when the time is right.

Home

I'm taking a short break from school work, and this article called "When Going Home for the Holidays Hurts" by Liz Riggs caught my eye. You can read it here if you're interested. 

I've always sort of felt conflicted about going home when I have this home now. There's a part of me that's never going to stop being a Wisconsin girl, but to call myself that now feels like a lie because Nebraska's such a big part of me, too. You can't just drop your roots, but you can't discount where life has brought you, either. (At least I'm safe wearing red and white in both states!)

It's also easy to question myself when we go see our family because it's hard to shake the feeling that we've abandoned them by living here. That doubt must be overridden by remembering the many prayers that I said during college about my future. I asked for God to help me be a teacher and to put me where He needed me (most preferably in a Christian school), let me enjoy where I ended up living, and help me find a good man to settle down with. Well, check, check, check. We grow up and have to go where we're needed, where we can make the world better. We both have been blessed to get the jobs we've dreamed about and worked toward so we do what we love each day. We've been further blessed to have found each other while here and love each day with each other. It's hard to let yourself believe you've abandoned anyone when you wouldn't have met your spouse without being here. I do remind Tim that it's a good thing my family loves him, though, or they'd have smuggled me back to Wisconsin a long time ago. :)

I do think one more part of the ache that I get whenever we go home is the way that our worlds are so separate. There are some people from when I lived back home who have never been in this state to see the beauty that captured my heart the first time I visited and still think we're crazy to be out here. There are people who used to walk into my house like it was theirs, too, who have no idea what my home looks like now...let alone my life. That separation of what once was familiar and what's familiar now can be hard, too. I want my worlds to all be interconnected rather than having to explain everything. On the other hand, there are times my heart is saddened when I have to explain to my husband how it used to be when we are back in my hometown or when I know I won't ever fully understand his explanation of how something used to be in his life. 

But this is life: 

ever-changing. 

There's nothing wrong with having more than one place to think of as "home", though. After all, they say, "Home is where the heart is." My heart has pieces all over the country with the friends and family I love, and it also lies in the places I've been able to live over the years. While change isn't always easy to digest, it's a blessing to see the progress both people and places make in between our visits. 

I am thankful for the opportunities we have to get together with our family multiple times in the year, though, despite everyone being spread out all over. I think 1) without those visits and 2) without modern technology it'd be a lot harder to live away from "home" in this place we call home now. It makes us cherish the time we do have together a lot more rather than taking it for granted. 

I love this song by Tim McGraw. I feel like it captures it really well when it touches on how much you are surprised to find that you miss about home when you move away. I find myself appreciating so many little things about home when we get to head back there, and I also find myself missing some really strange things sometimes (like "real" snow...aka the big, fat, fluffy flakes from lake effect snow!). Plus who doesn't just marvel at the awesome duets of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill?? 

Farewell, 2015.

I'm one of those people that gets that reflecting on the year on New Year's Eve can get cheesy fast, but 2015 demands to be considered and remembered. I used to write on my blog a lot more often to do just that, and it became a way to connect with my family and friends as life brought me new places. I miss having this to look back on like when I blogged almost every day for a year, and I need to have a place for these things from this year. My heart and mind have been filling up with these thoughts as the holidays have been upon us, and here I'll leave them to make room for new thoughts and feelings. Perhaps someone else needs these words for their thoughts and feelings, too.  

A new year begins with excitement and anticipation of what lies ahead, and I think it's safe to say that it's never what you're expecting when you daydream about the possibilities. You focus on the good things that could happen, but naturally there are always challenges that come along. A whole year brings about a lot of growth and change. You cannot walk out of one year into a new one as the same person you were 365 days ago. 

If I had to pick two words to capture 2015, they would be blessed and extreme. 

Our world was rocked this year by a couple of awful events, and it really brought me a new understanding of what it is to trust God completely. My dad's accident and losing my step-uncle Mark were absolutely tragic, and it was the extreme part of the year. Any of the other negative things that have happened this year truly pale in comparison. 

Throughout everything I know God's love is endless, and it poured through every single day. It is nothing short of a miracle to still have my dad today. God's love poured in through the way my family and I were able to lean on each other through it all, the way all of us could be strong for each other when one of us hit the wall, the way we helped take care of each other and never let each other handle it alone, the way we'll cherish each other even more after the powerful reminder that life truly is a gift. It was there in the heartache reminding us of the strong faith Mark had that means he's living it up in heaven right now, and I can't even imagine the awesomeness surrounding him. It's in the way I want to strive to encourage others, make them smile, and be there for them like my uncle was. It's in the way we are closer as a family and strive to continue to support one another. God's love is constant. 

Whether I was feeling heartbroken or I couldn't feel anything in the rough stuff I could at least be thankful to have the presence of God in my life. There was never a time I was truly alone or hopeless. The times I was in danger of falling into those feelings were the times I'd get a call or a text or have someone to talk to that would remind me of the greatness of God at work even when I couldn't see or feel it. Our God is bigger than our feelings and our circumstances. I needed to write that here as a reminder to myself but also to the world, especially with all the "yuck" we face each day. Remembering that is the key to moving through the next moment, hour, day, week, month, year...even when we think it's impossible to go on.

Romans 12 has been a chapter of the Bible I've clung to since I student taught in Texas. It was the focus of a sermon series that guided me through a confusing, intimidating, and tough transitional time in my life. I've revisited Romans 12:12 many times this year and will continue to hold close to my heart. It says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." If you're wondering what my New Year's Resolutions are, there you go. Because God will never fade, change, or give up on me or you, and I'm going to continue to lean into that love each day. 

Here's to being thankful for having an awesome, loving God. 

Here's to being thankful for the health, happiness, and togetherness of my family this year and the time we got to spend with them this year. And here's to growing closer to each other. 

Here's to hopes and dreams of the good to come in 2016. 

Here's to helping each other get through the "yuck" we'll face in 2016. 

Here's to faith, hope, and love. 

Now off to a big night of writing in birthdays, anniversaries, etc., on our new 2016 calendar with the puppies sleeping nearby on the couches and shamelessly binge-watching Gilmore Girls while I wait for my hubby to drive back from work. Stay safe and have fun, y'all! 

The Many Adventures of Scout

If I didn't think the world would be bored with me blogging about my dogs all the time, I could do the blog every day challenge again just about those three. Honestly, part of why I don't blog as much anymore is because the dogs are such a huge part of our lives but that's not as interesting to the rest of the world. But they are pretty adorable...

Anyways, today I took Scout adventuring with me and had moments that made me a proud momma but even more that made me shake my head. Gotta love our wild child.

Scouty-Scout's day started like any other Saturday -- outside time, breakfast, staring out the window, and snuggling on the couch for a nap. What he didn't know was that today also held getting microchipped. We want him back if he gets out or gets lost somehow. We've been fortunate that he's not the wanderer and fence-squeezer his brother Little Houdini Squirt is. Fast forward to a little after nap time and he happily sat to get his leash on to go on a car ride. He LOVES car rides.

He likes the Humane Society because that's where we did two out of our three sets of obedience training, but he knew something was up when we went to a little room instead. Two of the workers held him, but he escaped. I tried to hold him, but he escaped again. I waited outside instead, and it still took them a few minutes before they could secure him enough to chip him. When they called me in again, he slipped by me and I fumbled the collar-catch (#momfail) so he took off running through the Humane Society.

Naturally Scout ran into a room full of people celebrating a sweet little girl's birthday. As the staff ran in with me they yelled, "Animal Control! Animal Control!" I immediately envisioned my dog becoming one of Those Dogs who knock over a table of cake and ruin the day, but fortunately he ran under a table and cornered himself so we caught him easily. I grabbed him by the collar (VERY firmly so there would be no more fumbling) and apologized profusely. As we headed back to the small room to get re-leashed up I just said, "And THAT'S why he got microchipped." Turns out that the party was for the daughter of one of their animal control officers. (Hence their yelling as they entered the room, you see.)

Naturally Scout was tired after this fight-or-flight ordeal so he was pretty chilled out when he sat down in the car. I explained to him that I was very sorry he didn't enjoy his experience but it was important that he'd be safe and get back to us if he ever got lost because we love him very much. I said that even though he was a party-crasher and forgot his manners that I would take him to Petco to make up for it. Once again my ulterior motives were unbeknownst to Scout.

We had 3 missions at Petco:
1) Get an engraved tag with our cell phone numbers on it
2) Find a harness that fit him securely now that's he's full grown
3) Get some chewy treats for all the boys

Yes, we accomplished all three with the biggest incident from Wild Child being either his resistance to helping me get him into the harness to try it on or the whining he did the whole time I prepped the tag and we waited for it to get engraved. He whines very dramatically when he has to sit and wait because Scouts do not like being bored. He also threw in a few pterodactyl-yawns in case I'd forgotten how our previous ordeal had tired him out. Is this how it feels to have small children?

After all of this I thought he should get something besides misery for the day from me so off to get some fries to share. He was such a good boy at Sonic. He laid down and did not try to snatch a single fry from me or the bag. He waited until I offered him some before he ate, like the gentleman he sometimes remembers to be. Game on when we got home, though. I was in the process of setting my hot dog down and he grabbed it from the bun and ate it in .02 seconds! The whole thing! Well, the whole thing minus the ONE bite I'd gotten to take. After a full morning of adventures and an extra-full belly from lunch -- mine AND his-- he's currently napping like this:

Stay tuned for more adventures of the Wild Child. There's never a dull day with this guy around.

Fellow Twentysomethings, Let's Be Real.

I've been doing some soul-searching lately to remember things I enjoy doing. I realized earlier this year that I let my job take over so much of my time that I lost connections with family, friends, and myself. I let myself believe it was okay to put more time into my work all the time because teaching is my calling. What I forgot was that I'm called to be so much more than a teacher; I'm also a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a friend.

What a heart-wrenching realization when you spend a long time doing what you think is right only to find out how wrong you've been. I've been grappling with this ever since I realized my problem, and I set out to make it better. Yes, I have a passion for teaching that goes to my core, but I also have a passion for taking care of the people in my life. But I know I'm not the only one that feels this struggle.

I've gotten to have some good heart-to-hearts with family and friends alike over the past few months that have helped put things into perspective. I'm so grateful for those conversations about the nitty gritty truths of our challenges, our hopes, and overcoming the feeling that somehow we're falling short. No matter what age you are, there are always things changing that you have to sort out. Some changes are easier than others, naturally, while others will shake you to your core. 

I think we all got this idea in our heads as kids that we'd have it all figured out when we got to be an adult. Now many of us that dreamed together in high school and college about when life would be "easier" are finding out that adulthood isn't really about having it all together but striving to do the best we can. We've been spending our twenties transitioning from childhood to adulthood wondering when we'll feel like we've gotten the hang of things. I'm realizing that so many of us have been withholding those feelings of failure or of being caught up in an overwhelming call to balance work, hobbies, family, and friends, and so many of us haven't dared to admit that it's tough. So many of us have held in how we are just trying to make it through each day. We feel like we have to hold up this front that yes, we figured it out just like our Facebook friends who are having the time of their lives living each day. 

I've sat down to write this post many times over, but I've given in many times to letting myself think that I'm the only one that struggles with figuring it out. I don't want to hide that battle anymore now that I know I'm not the only one feeling that way. We need to give our struggles words and voice our feelings so we can help each other through it. No, we may not always have the answers, but we trust that we'll get through. God promises us that He'll never leave our side, not that life is going to be easy. The hard part is trusting continuously, even when things are overwhelming, scary, or discouraging. So let's help each other through the messes like we did way back when. These messes are bigger than crushes, big research papers, fights over stupid comments somebody made behind our backs, or dealing with curfew/Intervis hours, but let's be real with each other. 

And hey, no matter how much time has passed between conversations with friends, one of the best things is being able to pick up right where we left off again. Phone calls or emails or Facebook messages from old friends is such an underrated pleasant surprise. Loving someone through the tough stuff is what we're here to do. Please don't hold it in. 

Here are a few awesome articles I've read this year that have helped me realize that our struggle is real and shouldn't be hidden away. 

"43 Signs You're Definitely Becoming a Real Adult" 

(Okay, so this Buzzfeed list just spelled out adulthood in a hilarious way. So many truths!)

"What I Instagrammed vs. What Was Really Happening, Or My Entire Life is a Lie"

"11 Things Millennials Need to Know About Getting Older" 

"I'm Not a Liar But Facebook Sure Is" 

"Your Secrets Are Destroying Your Relationships"