What is the fear you want to overcome?
I've thought a bit about this one since the beginning of the month when I read the prompts. I thought it'd be kind of easy. I mean, c'mon, I can name the things that I'm afraid of. When I started thinking about my biggest fears, though, I got nervous to share one of them because I thought it'd sound really stupid. That helped me realize what one of my biggest fears really is.
I get scared that who I am is not enough.
I worry that who I am will disappoint people around me if I don't do enough of what they are looking to me for.
Do I encourage my friends enough? Do I call my family enough? Do I take care of my husband enough? Do I teach my students enough? Do I love on the dogs enough? Do I organize the house enough? Do I help other people enough? Do I make people laugh enough?
The list of "enough" could go on and on, but why should it?
I'm worried about measuring up to other people's standards and my own, but it seems so silly. I know that I will never be enough for everyone around me because I'm not perfect and neither is anyone else. We all get disappointed by the people in our lives for big and small reasons.
God knew I wouldn't be perfect and thankfully does not expect me to be. He doesn't expect you to be perfect, either. He knew Adam and Eve wouldn't be able to resist the fruit He told them not to eat, and He knew that we wouldn't be able to love the people around us selflessly with our actions or words. He knew people would get sick, angry, depressed, lonely, frustrated, hurt, and all around rotten at times. But He also knew we'd need love...and He sent Jesus to die and rise again so we could have love even when we are awful. We can have hope because we are loved. We are enough in God's eyes even when we aren't enough in the eyes of the world.
I want to overcome that feeling of failure that goes hand-in-hand with not feeling like I'm enough. I want to push away that side of me that tries to feel defeated before I try something new. I want to stop guessing people's reactions before they even have the chance to react to something I say or do. I want to stop being afraid to be the imperfect me who tries to do better each day. I want to stop being afraid to be me.
The beautiful thing about this is knowing that I'm not alone. I've heard it and read it and watched it in so many different ways around me to know that it's a natural thing to feel. The reason I wanted to post about this instead of something like being afraid of deep, deep water (Fun Fact: also a real fear of mine) is that it's not talked about openly. I've felt like I had to keep this kind of insecurity to myself so I wouldn't seem weak, and it used to make me feel ashamed to admit. I'm done feeling that way, though, guys. We shouldn't be ashamed to talk with the people around us who can help us when we feel this way. I'm thankful to have family and friends to talk to when I feel this way and learn that I'm not alone. I hope that I can return the favor, too.
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