Things I Can't Make Up But Sound Like I Did

...those moments when you wish you could laugh as much as you want to but you can't because you're the teacher

R and C are arguing. I ask what the problem is. 

R: C made me smell his fart! 

I remind her that he didn't make her do anything, it was her choice. 

R: Fine. He let me. 

L and A are playing with the baby in housekeeping. A is holding a baby doll that evidently is crying in their imaginary world because she's yelling at it to stop. 

L: Stop yelling at the baby! Would you talk to baby Jesus that way? 

During Bible we talked about Nebuchadnezzar. E is trying to retell part of the story and gets to the part about the king. 

E: Actually, I remembered I don't know how to say that name. 

We read a book about different animals and are working on our comparing/contrasting skills. My aide asks the kids to compare the cow and the chicken on the page. 

E. Well, you can milk a cow, but you can't milk a chicken. It'd get very angry at you. 

...and those conversations I have with my family and friends.

Me (talking to my dog who hates to have his vest put on to go outside): You need your vest. It's freezing outside. Nobody likes a pupscicle. 

Mom: I have a hole in my sock. 

Me: Oh, darn it!

Me: When will Grandma ever learn? She gets run over every year by the stupid reindeer! 

Dad: Yeah, and what's Grandpa doing? He's over there drinking beer with cousin Mel. 

Matt: Goooo Planet!

Me: My dog's name is not Captain Planet. 

Matt: Oh. I thought for sure you told me you named him Captain Planet. 

Me: Uh, no. 

Matt: Oh, good. That's what I'm naming my next dog. 

Me: Not if I get to it first. Mwuh hahahaha. 

(the conversation probably ended with Garcia's classic, "You're outta control!" but I cannot be sure.)

Yeah, I have fun people in my life. :)