The weather's beautiful here! It's in the mid-40s here, and I'm sitting next to an open window with a light breeze blowing fresh air into the apartment, blaring some Vertical Horizon (I've recently gotten hooked on an older CD of theirs), and I'm just taking some time to reflect and organize. This shift in weather is a welcomed change of pace...and a great mood-lifter. Perfect timing, God. :)
I've constantly been hit by the realization that I'm terrible at taking time to sit and be. I get so caught up in going, going, going and doing, doing, doing that I'm constantly caught up in the demands of other people and other things. I made it a goal for this year to take more time to relax, and I've accomplished that in making sure I go and do at least one fun thing with some friends each week, but I've been failing to make deliberate attempts to have some time by myself.
I haven't realized how badly I was craving that until about a month ago. On Valentine's Day, I had a date with myself. I intended to watch a movie, but I got sidetracked and had to push the start time to an hour later, so I just watched some Gilmore Girls...and did nothing by lie there and watch it rather than trying to multitask. At first, I felt all lame and pathetic, and then guilty for not doing anything productive, but then I really started to enjoy the solitude. I was so relaxed! There's definitely another chunk of solitude planned for this weekend.
This week I really needed that. I needed some time to just be apart from all of the expectations. I've taken some extra time to think about things in my life lately, and that's meant some more late nights, but the week has gotten so much better now that I recognize what needed to change and how to work on that. It started with an attitude shift, and now it's a matter of pure grunt work. If you want something to happen, ya gotta make it happen. Nobody else can do it for you.
Some changes are most definitely in the works...and I'm excited. :)
~"It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life." [In the Name of Jesus by Henri J.M. Nouwen]~
1 comment:
When I was at school, sometimes I felt guilty watching TV if I wasn't multitasking, too. Like I should be doing my homework, or even at least knitting or something (the "get that scarf done" attitude). But it feels great to just take a few breaths and relax.
My Lenten "thing" (not really a fast) is to take time each week after church on Wednesday to reflect on the past week, partially on my sinful shortcomings (after all, it's Lent and we're Lutheran!) but also just to pray and just be with God for a little while. When I pray, it's usually short and sweet because I have something else to do, but it needs to be a conscious effort now to deliberately carve out time for that and nothing else, so I can focus. It's made a big difference.
In the same way, you need time for yourself to relax. :-) It brings you back to what's important - not school, or work, or whatever else.
(The word below is "losincy." Is that a word?)
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