The Black Hole Effects

I've come to think of my classroom as a bit of a black hole when it comes to time. I can look at the clock, get to work on something, and an hour is suddenly gone when I happen to glance at the clock again.

Time slips away so magically like that mostly when I'm there trying to improve the classroom in some way/shape/form or get some plans done.

When the kiddos are there, sometimes 10 minutes can feel like an hour. Quite often, though, time slips away quickly and quickly (much like the way I try to convince them to get in line).

But I'm coming to realize this effect is slowed a little by working on things outside of the classroom's walls.

Slowed, not stopped.

Because even sitting here at my desk in the apartment it's gotten to be far past bedtime...yet it was 10 last I was aware of the time.

This clashes with all of the talk people give of making sure one is properly rested to tackle what challenges comes with a day in the classroom. Or that "stress management" is a reality more than a TV show in the background while something else is getting done or ignoring a few dishes in the sink for the sake of a few minutes to contact someone at home so they know I'm still breathing out here.

Then again, I'm well aware that the start of a school year means the end of feeling rested and truly relaxed as a teacher knows it until summer rolls around again. Long weekends are just an excuse to get some procrastinated housework or errands done; long breaks are for traveling to see family.

The number of hours in the day somehow is never enough. Somehow things get done, lessons get taught with everything being there, and I make it through the day still standing, but I wish more days afforded the opportunity to sit back and relish the successes, contemplate solutions to the failures, and to recognize the progress we're making...and a nap.

I love teaching...but I don't love so many shades of  "tired."

Or the rascally clock.

Bonus Blog!

I haven't been one that's been too great about branching out in the blogging world, but I have a few fellow blogger friends that are. One of them is a friend from back in the good ol' college days, and I love reading her blog. Emily is witty, honest, and gets you thinking. Check out her blog HERE! :)

Recently Emily nominated me for a blogging award!

Thanks, Emily! This may just be the kick in the butt I need to blog regularly again!

Well, this award has a few rules that go along with it...

1.Nominate up to 15 fellow bloggers who are relatively new to blogging.
2. Let your nominated bloggers know that they have been nominated for this award.
3. Share seven random facts about yourself.
4. Thanks the blogger who nominated you in a blog post linking them back to their blog.
5. Add the Versatile Blogger picture to your post.

Alright, two of those steps are now complete. I'll save the nominating part for later...but here are 7 random facts about me.

1. If I weren't a teacher, I would still want to work with kids. I love their energy, optimism, creativity, and imaginations at work. I also love how playful and silly they are. Never a dull moment with kids!

2. I love, love, love watching football. My two favorite teams to watch are Da Bears and the Huskers. Sometimes I get really into it though and talk back to the TV...oops?

3. I really like to crochet. It takes me forever to get any and all projects done, but it's relaxing. It's something I taught myself how to do so that I could sit still long enough to watch some TV or movies in college. I call it one of my "old lady tendencies."

4. I really like to travel! I especially like getting to go to new places, and I love flying in planes to get to those places. In the past year I've gotten to go to California and Florida, and both were brand new places for me. I also got to head up to Minneapolis on a road trip for an annual Best Friend Appreciation trip, and it was a blast. :)

5. My absolute favorite season is fall. I love the smells, the colors, the flavors (so many spiced things!), and the weather. You get to wear cozy clothes, snuggle up with blankets, and drink warm things, but it's not so cold that you are freezing all the time.

6. I'm a sucker for home improvement shows. When I'm at Tim's, we pretty much have DIY Network on all the time. If we do change the channel, it's usually to HGTV for House Hunters or Love It or List It. They are just fun to watch, and it's fun to imagine what kinds of projects are possible to take on someday.

7. If I could, I would walk around in bare or sock feet ALL the time. But that'd be silly...and cold. :)

Holding Back

We all get stuck in ruts sometimes. It can creep up on us so easily -- that's the problem. You have a routine you are comfortable in before something shifts. It can be as simple as a change in schedule or being caught up in other things. Whatever the reason, that one change can make it easy enough to come up with excuses not to go back to that routine. Suddenly you find yourself missing that old routine, but you aren't sure how to make it happen again.

That's how it's been with blogging for me. Well, writing at all, really.

Part of it is the frustration of one of those phases where nothing was quite coming together the way I had hoped when I would approach the keyboard. I have a number of posts I started but abandoned because they seemed awful. That frustration branched into the idea that nobody would be interested in what I was writing about anyway. That, my fellow writers, is where we really get ourselves into trouble if we let ourselves buy into that mentality.

The second you start letting what others think affect your writing is the exact moment when the joy of writing seems to have faded. Sure, sometimes we write for others, but we mostly write for the sake of expression. Holding those words in becomes a burden when enough of them have built up inside. Writers NEED to ooze words. It's our very nature.

Don't let yourself hold back. Whether you blog, journal, or whatever, just let those words pour out.

Those of you who don't write can heed these words, too. Do what you are passionate about; don't let anyone, including yourself, stop you. Holding out on our passions and talents, friends, is just a matter of excuses. Take some time to plan when you will connect with your passion again.

Return of the Moses Mentality

Many, many moons ago I wrote about the Moses Mentality. I tried to find that post again, but well, there are a lot on here, so I'll summarize instead. Firstly, the phrase is a result of a long conversation with a friend when we were both nearing the end of our college days. Now back in the Old Testament when God told Moses to step up and lead the Isrealites out of Egypt, Moses started coming up with all these excuses. 

"But God," Moses whined, "I'm not such a great speaker." 

"Well, here's your brother Aaron. He'll help you out," God said. And Aaron was by Moses' side and helped him out. 

"But God," Moses whined again, "what if those Egyptians don't believe that you sent me?" 

"Well, see your staff there? Just toss that on the ground. That'll show them," God said. And when Moses threw that staff on the ground, it turned into a snake and the Egyptians were taken aback. 

"But God," Moses whined, "what if the Pharaoh doesn't listen?" 

"Well, here's a plague. And if that doesn't work, here are 9 more. Listen, Moses, what other excuses do you have? I could do this all day." 

I've walked into this school year equipped with a whole school year of lessons, both taught and learned, and I've experienced some moments where I go, "Oh, that was  so much easier this time!" -- and those feel good. I still am constantly looking back on things and wishing I had done something differently, but that is something that will never end as long as I am a teacher. I feel a lot more confident this year. I've got a better balance going on between school and life outside of school. I've got more tricks up my sleeves to use with my kiddos. I know the value of praying constantly. Things are going more smoothly right now than they were at this point last year. And the challenges that are there? Well, they don't keep me awake at night as much. 

And yet...there are still moments where I just don't know why I ever thought this was what I should be doing with my life. I can count the number of times I've seriously considered calling it quits on one finger, fortunately, but sometimes we all find ourselves whining to God despite knowing we are exactly where He wants us to be. 

"But God," I whined, "what if the kids won't ever listen to me?" 

"Here," God said, "have some extra patience to get you through the first week." And that patience helped until we all adjusted more to each other. 

"But God," I whined, "what if the kids think I'm too mean or too hard on them?" 

"Here," God said, "listen to this child tell you how much he loves it here." And I was reminded that children are loving and forgiving. 

"But God," I whined, "what if it the whole year is full of days as awful as that one?" 

"Here," God said, "have a day filled with reminders that you're not alone. Oh, and here's some encouraging words to counteract those doubts you've let take over your mind. And here's smiles and laughter to share with your students. And here's enough time in the day to get all of your plans done. Listen, Michelle, what other excuses do you have? I could do this all day."

3rd Krauss Nostalgia

Memories of college life have been flowing through my head in quiet moments lately, but it's tough to say what's sparked them. I've realized I'm not quite sure how the friendships formed with the people who made up that core group at CUC. I hope you dear old friends reading this get some kicks out of it and get to thinking. Ohhh, those golden 3rd Krauss days, haha. [But f'real, some of you need to fill in the gaps for me. :)]

[Note: from here on out there are many "you had to be there" things...you've been warned. Read on if you dare.]

Kayla was my first roommate, so that one was easy to figure out. Still not sure how or why our room became the main hang out, but hey, it was fun. I bet it was the awesome Quote Wall. Then again, maybe it was that crazy-awesome hallway we had.

Okay, is is just me, or did Aaron seem to have just started tagging along after Arts and Ideas with a few of us back to our dorm floor to hang out? I think it was The Green Blanket that kept bringing him back.In my mind he really just suddenly became a permanent fixture in our group. Not that any of us minded knowing the Muffin Man...

And Papa Patrick. Wasn't that because of Arts and Ideas, too? 

Nicole was the neighbor that was always dropping by and making fun of herself for it, but I always loved when she would pop in. We had so many conversations about the most random things while she ate her cereal in The Purple Chair. Yup, definitely my favorite next-door neighbor in college. 

Jen has two contributing factors from what I recall: Arts and Ideas and Nicole. We had that class, and I think Nicole and Jen would come to Kayla's and my room a lot together...after bonding from many a late night spent together. You crazy night owls. 

Jason definitely was from that math class with the cranky old prof who had a crush on him which led her to occasionally give him better grades than me. That one time where I organized his math notes for him was probably the gateway to him hanging out with us all so much because he realized how awesome the people on our floor were (including honorary members Nordy and Papa Patrick), especially Jen. (Awww!)

That really was one of all-time favorite years of college. We had a lot of drama at times, but we were comfortable together. We acted crazy-silly (Mission 3rd Krauss, Triangle snowball fights, Christmas parties, and pick-up line competitions, anyone?) or annoyed one another once in a while (those smelly BOY FEET, hair on the floor, silly Cardinal fans...). We could hand out in PJs or get all jazzed up -- sometimes even in the same day. We laughed together, cried, or just hung out watching movies in the lounge as the early morning hours came our way. [And by "early hours" I really mean "ridiculously late."]

I really miss it at times. It's funny to think how a few months' time and moving to buildings just a stone's throw away from our freshman hall changed it all. Dynamics shifted as people came and went from that original group. Fights happened. Relationships grew while romances died, and vice versa. Tough events shook us and tested our bonds but strengthened them when all was said and done. Laughter, tears, and words were still shared. 

What's beautiful are the times where we still are able to do that. It's never going to be quite like that first year because it's next to impossible to be in the same place at the same time (although Chicago a few years back was pretty darn close!), but friendships like that never really fully lose their magic regardless of time or distance. 

To be honest, I think part of it is how much I miss the security of having that group. The independence of being away at school while still being able to depend on a few someones. The adventures. The familiarity. Being able to muddle through it all so very together. We were each other's stability. 

Sometimes it's hard to see where life has taken us all and to believe we all were ever those people who bonded in The Mouse House, the ones just starting out and dreaming of what life after college would be like. And yet...here we all are, all over the country, doing amazing things. 

And now to leave you with a fitting portion of one of the things that bonded us that year... Wicked...

So much of me is made of what I learned from you, 

You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart. 

And now whatever way our stories end 

I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.

                                                     ["For Good"]

More Than 24

I know my birthday was all the way back in June, but it's taken a while to find the words to capture exactly what I wanted to say. I was kinda dreading my birthday this year. Well, maybe not dreading it, but I wasn't too excited about it at first. I was really bummed not to be home for it, to be honest, and I thought it was just going to feel like any other day.

Tim and I started making plans, though, and it started getting more exciting. As we talked about it, I also told him how I just wasn't too excited. He told me he really didn't understand why, so I tried to explain it to him. I actually was feeling like it was surreal in a way to be turning 24 and truly feeling like an adult. He pointed out that I've been one all through college, but I clarified that I meant the "adult" I always looked forward to being -- one with my own place, my own job, my own bills, etc...being fully in the adult world. It just didn't feel real at all.

Then it clicked.God brought so many things together in my life, especially just since my last birthday...

• A job I love
• A place of my very own
• A dog to love and spoil rotten...which became two! 
• A wonderful boyfriend to share a beautiful relationship with
• A knowledge so much deeper that corresponds with my independence
• The support of amazing family and friends to help me through everything

And you know, suddenly 24 became real to me. More than that, it became a real blessing.

The day itself was absolutely remarkable. After a wake up call from that sweet boyfriend of mine, I got some things done at home. Tim surprised me with coffee, roses, and a wonderful card before we went to Lincoln for a few hours for some lunch and a Target adventure. We made a surprise stop at DQ on the way home and got a birthday cake [I picked out a cake witha tractor to commemorate the first year of officially living in Nebraska, hehehe]. After Tim left for work, I got some birthday phone calls from friends and family, watched Scrubs while crocheting, and talked to Tim once more before calling it a night. I went to bed loving the day and feeling like a treasured princess.

24 ended up being one of the best birthdays...and to think I started off dreading it! It's been a good first few months of being this old, and I'm excited to see what other adventures come before I turn 25. :)

Yes.