More Than 24

I know my birthday was all the way back in June, but it's taken a while to find the words to capture exactly what I wanted to say. I was kinda dreading my birthday this year. Well, maybe not dreading it, but I wasn't too excited about it at first. I was really bummed not to be home for it, to be honest, and I thought it was just going to feel like any other day.

Tim and I started making plans, though, and it started getting more exciting. As we talked about it, I also told him how I just wasn't too excited. He told me he really didn't understand why, so I tried to explain it to him. I actually was feeling like it was surreal in a way to be turning 24 and truly feeling like an adult. He pointed out that I've been one all through college, but I clarified that I meant the "adult" I always looked forward to being -- one with my own place, my own job, my own bills, etc...being fully in the adult world. It just didn't feel real at all.

Then it clicked.God brought so many things together in my life, especially just since my last birthday...

• A job I love
• A place of my very own
• A dog to love and spoil rotten...which became two! 
• A wonderful boyfriend to share a beautiful relationship with
• A knowledge so much deeper that corresponds with my independence
• The support of amazing family and friends to help me through everything

And you know, suddenly 24 became real to me. More than that, it became a real blessing.

The day itself was absolutely remarkable. After a wake up call from that sweet boyfriend of mine, I got some things done at home. Tim surprised me with coffee, roses, and a wonderful card before we went to Lincoln for a few hours for some lunch and a Target adventure. We made a surprise stop at DQ on the way home and got a birthday cake [I picked out a cake witha tractor to commemorate the first year of officially living in Nebraska, hehehe]. After Tim left for work, I got some birthday phone calls from friends and family, watched Scrubs while crocheting, and talked to Tim once more before calling it a night. I went to bed loving the day and feeling like a treasured princess.

24 ended up being one of the best birthdays...and to think I started off dreading it! It's been a good first few months of being this old, and I'm excited to see what other adventures come before I turn 25. :)

Yes.

Music That Moves

Music comes in different forms. There are songs that take us back to moments or chapters in our lives and reawakens memories and feelings. Some songs you can't listen to without belting out at the top of your lungs, the ones that have become an anthem of sorts in your life. There's the kind of music that you can put on while you get lost in your own thoughts, or the kind that you put on to match your mood. And who can forget the kind of music that demands that you instantly start to jam out, whether it's blaring it in the car while you're on a road trip or dancing like a maniac in your kitchen while you're putting dishes away.

The best kind of music, if you ask me, is the kind that makes you stop and think when you're done letting every part of it wash over you.

A few weeks ago at a church in Florida a singer preceded the message with this song. I was left stunned by the lyrics and how they speak to how many feelings that we go through sometimes as we let ourselves focus on the ways we are unworthy of the  unshakable love of God.  It speaks to the way we sometimes judge others before trying to reflect this love. Basically it captures the ways we lose sight of the fact that the love is a gift.

I'll post the video so you can hear it for yourself. If you'd rather read the lyrics than listen, look below the video for a link. Whichever way you chose, please take time to let the words sink in.

Check out the lyrics here. 

One From the List

There is something extraordinarily satisfying about completing projects that have been looming overhead for many months. A big task I wanted to take on this summer was working on reorganizing my office room to get it to be more functional.

There are still a few minor things to do (putting a few more things away, moving some books around, decorating some of the bare walls a little more), but all in all it's good. It took less time than I thought, really. It was just one day of work (plus a night or two a while ago).

I had quite a few things that I finally am throwing away -- mostly in the form of old notes and such from college that I thought I'd refer back to but haven't even thought about -- which has reduced the clutter a lot and makes it more organized. [I feel like my old roommate Brenda would be proud of me being a bit less of a pack rat and embracing minimalism a bit more. :)]

Cross one more major thing off the Summer To Do list, and move on to some others.

...like really getting in the zone for school prep during this last month of break. *gulp*

         .....and blogging more often. 

(among other adventures, of course.)

These Weeks

Sometimes there are weeks that are just are without being anything more than average. 

Sometimes there are weeks that are so crazybusy that they are over before we know it. 

Sometimes there are weeks that are slower than the time it takes paint to dry. 

And sometimes in the midst of any of those weeks there is a day that draws to an end and leaves you unable to do much more than shake your head and laugh at how radically it has turned out compared to how you envisioned it. 

Oh, life. You are beautiful with the surprises tucked into each day, each week...including the things that amuse us. 

Battling the Paper Enemy

Sometimes when I write it seems like the words that pour out of me come out of nowhere. I suspect other writers know exactly what I'm talking about. It usually is because somebody needs to hear the very words that are pouring forth from unknown depths, even if that somebody is a future version of ourselves. 

The words in the rest of this post are contained on a sheet I found tucked away in a journal from last year, and it's exactly how I've been feeling about blogging for a couple of months now. The date at the top says it's from April 2011. 

I sit, coffee nearby, pen in hand, staring at the enemy. how long do I have to stare to gain enough courage to conquer? 

I wonder how long it's been since I made my last real attempt. Months, at least. Wait -- months? I sigh. I'm more of a coward than I thought. 

I have let the idea of writing turn me into a fearful person. But why, you ask, should a blank piece of paper terrify anyone? 

Writing is the great and powerful thing that the Wizard of Oz tried to be. It forces you to see truths, to admit them. It brings to light emotions you've fought so hard to hide. Sometimes it even makes you understand what you don't think you are ready or willing to understand. It can be brutal, my friend, leaving yourself with reopened wounds and forcing yourself to seek healing. 

And that blank piece of paper, the one that lies there looking harmless and innocent, has a terrible hunger. It thirsts for those emotions, those realizations, the confessions. It feeds off of every single bit of ink put into it. It craves those writing frenzies. It taunts you to give it your best and your worst, your everything. It wants your secrets, your truths, your thoughts, your emotions, your life. It will stare you down until it gets what it wants. 

And the pressure of writing it heavy, crushing at times. Think of all of those well-known writers you've encountered. How graceful and eloquent they seem. They are true masters of writing who tell the paper what is going to be written there, who have not let that hunger overtake them. They have conquered the enemy. The words they have written are accepted, considered, appreciated. They are thought-provoking, captivating words. They are often profound to some degree. My words are nowhere near the masters'. Mine sink down, down, lost in the abyss of words that fall short of the magic those masters' words held. 

And so I sit, coffee in hand, pen in hand, staring at the enemy. And I sigh, put my pen down, and let the blank paper defeat me again. 

Dashes of Beauty

a wake up call

sunshine and dew greeting a ten-legged trio

catching up with God for a while

flowers, coffee, and a kiss

long conversations about anything and everything

a trip transitioning from tentativeness to reality

grocery shopping -- deal scoping, bike hunting, systematically searching

a beautiful card with wonderful words

shortcake with strawberries and whipped cream stacked together (a dessert that screams "SUMMER!")

a pair of sleepy, cuddly dogs

friends spread across the globe sharing smiles and laughter through computer screens and microphones

the perfect temperature with a breeze and no humidity as the sun goes down

a backdrop of soft colors behind a field where the glimmers of lightning bugs make a girl think she's walked into a fairy tale

love [in so many forms] gracing the day