Friday night.

Not just any Friday night --

the Friday night after report cards and parent-teacher conferences.

I made myself cease schoolwork.

After running so hard, though, it's always hard to quit.
It's hard to enjoy the stillness.

But I'm trying.

I Know

In those moments of doubt --

of "not enough" being how I measure myself --

I'm thankful that I'm not on this journey alone.

I know I'm where God is using me.

I know I'm forgiven for my shortcomings and my mistakes.

I know I'm loved.

I know I'm more than what I feel.

"...or is it fantasy?"

Today at work somebody brought 9 golden retriever puppies to share. They were 6 weeks old.

NINE PUPPIES.

There is no such thing as a bad day when you get to snuggle and play with nine fluffy puppies.

At one point I had 3 of them in my lap and one on the floor in front of my lap. Yup, almost half of the puppies to snuggle and love on.

Oh, the puppy breath!

And the puppy teefers gnawing on my fingers! And tugging on my hair!

And those adorable roly-poly round puppy tummies!

via GIPHY

Once upon a time Scout was a little ball of fur with a roly-poly tummy, too. And then we fell in love with him and he came home with us. Now he is not so little and not so roly-poly.

I wouldn't mind if I had to snuggle multiple puppies every day. Nope, not a bit.

This

This: 

sleeping, snoring dogs - one of which just shifted and now has taken over my lap in his happycomfy state and releases the soft dog funk of impending bath time 

hot pink nails - a reminder of the bright, cheery, and almost unreal colors of Hawaii 

a rain shower - no longer the warm, soothing rains of summer -- traps the coolness of fall that took the day by force and adds to the soothing symphony around us

the joy of feeling the crisp breeze and the thunder of happy paws running toward me as i walked into the backyard to see my puppies after work 

the love in the routine of making dinner while he gets ready for work & savoring the short time we have together as we eat 

being able to share wisdom and be a resource - at the same time that it becomes clear to me that the wisdom actually is there

scrubbing the sink to dissolve the coffee rings dumped in morning haste - thankful for the day that's evolved since the hours that seem like a lifetime ago

and now the sleepy chunkamonk my legs are resting on (a compromise for us both) is twitching away in a puppy dream - and we are all happycomfy 

here

in this place

our home

our normal

life

and the moments big&small 

that make it.

Striving for Better

2016 has been a year of working on being healthier. That's meant making some changes - some big, some small, but all important in the big picture. It started last winter when I couldn't shake throat issues, but it highlighted the importance of taking care of myself.

I started listening to my body more when I needed to rest. Having chronic throat issues and fevers really wore me out, and teaching's tiring enough without that. I learned that some nights the best thing I could do for myself was put school work on the back burner and rest.

I began facing my stress and dealing with it rather than shoving it aside. No, it's not always pretty or fun to figure out what's worth thinking about and what I need to let go of, but it's worth the effort to become less frazzled. I've learned to pick my battles in that regard.

I've learned to embrace my limitations. This means saying no sometimes, but it also means asking for help. I used to think it was a weakness not to be able to do it all on my own, but it actually takes a certain measure of strength to lean on others.

I got my tonsils out a few weeks after school got out, and that was a major lesson in leaning on others. When they say it's rough for adults, they aren't exaggerating. So far I haven't been sick at all since school started: a new record. I'd say it was worth it.

Similarly, I've learned that sometimes I have to push my limitations in order to grow. I used to be my own obstacle at taking on new things by thinking I just couldn't do it, and it's been a process to get to see that it's okay to fail. It's okay to have to learn in a process rather than in a snap.

I've also started working out regularly again, and that's been so helpful. I am loving yoga, and I'm loving Zumba. I don't know that I'll ever get brave enough to do an actual class for either one, but there's nothing wrong with YouTube or Pinterest workouts.

I'm also spending more time on hobbies, something I know I've touched on a few times on the blog this year. I can't emphasize enough how valuable this has been to me. I feel like I am more than my career again, and I love being multifaceted.

I'm thankful for the support I've had each step of the way in this journey, and I'm thankful to be able to have it as I continue to strive for better in my life.

The (Gilmore) Girls Get Me

Those times when I really want to focus and get things done in a certain time span in the evening -- balance, remember? --

I have to confess:

This is actually me in those moments:

And this is why it takes me    F   O   R   E   V   E   R    to get things done.

...

...

...

Okay, I'm just kidding.

That's actually me all the time. 

And y'all wonder why I need so much coffee to function...mystery solved. 

Balancing

Earlier this year I hit a wall when I realized I hardly had hobbies anymore. I was sad to realize how long it'd been since I'd done some of the things that I'd loved to do or since I'd tried some new things. It's important to spend time growing personally through the things we enjoy or by learning new things, though. We are more than career people and housekeepers. I sought to have more of a balance in my life.

I'm still not perfect at this. There are still days where my house is a mess or my laundry sits waiting to get folded. There are some days I pass on working out in lieu of extra time to play with the dogs or work on the dishes before tackling school stuff. And there are times where I put off school work one more night to go to bed earlier. But we don't have exactly the same needs every day, either.

Striving for balance has helped me be a happier person, though. There's something powerful in taking time to edit pictures or work in the garden or to paint or to teach the dogs a new trick. It's taking time to enjoy these things that really do recharge me for facing the more challenging or demanding responsibilities, and it allows me to keep feeling joyful while I tackle them. It's easier to push away that stressed out feeling.

I don't want to be a stressed out grump all the time. I want to embrace life's ups and downs while being joyful and hopeful. I'm thankful that I came to the realization earlier this year that I needed more balance and that I've been able to get better at it. I still need to work on it, but we've all got to start somewhere.