Faith's Time to Shine

Had a pre-interview interview tonight. Craziness. I think it went well though. And I'm certainly keeping my fingers crossed. It's in Nebraska. Hey, I hear that's a great place to live. :)

But this call process stuff is...overwhelming, actually I didn't realize how much so until the past few days when the stress caught up with me.

It's hard to say for certain where that line is between what's God's will and what's merely wants. I know that when it's right, it's right, but it's almost too easy to jump the gun in light of really just wanting a job. Yes, I want it to be the place where I need to be, where God needs me to be, but I am concerned about letting my emotions get too much in the way.

And fear is another legitimate battle. I am constantly reminding myself that fear is a trap, and it's a paralyzing poison really. If I gave in to fear every time instead of shoving it aside and ignoring it sometimes, there'd be a large number of awesome things I would have missed out on. But I have to wonder where the line is between fear and rationality. That's another place where it feels like the line is blurred a while.

Yet I know this is one of those times where faith really shows what it's made of. My God's big enough to hear my whining and complaining, my "I can'ts" and "I wants", and He's patient enough to take my hand while I'm blinded by my own plans and led me through the course He's laid out for me. And when I slow down, I can savor it's awe-striking wonder and beauty.

~"The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets. The truth is they are more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark. When the light shines into the places they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are." [The Shack by William P. Young]~

Beautiful Balloons

Today at church there were over 30 baptisms, which was fantastic in and of itself. Afterwards there was a massive balloon release; each balloon had a prayer request taped to it.

What an amazingly overwhelmingly beautiful day celebrating the gifts God gives us.

~"How great is our God."~

"The Aftermath"

The lyrics are even more beautiful than the music...

"The Aftermath" by Hillsong United

The skies lay low where You are
On the earth You rest Your feet
Yet the hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for me

[Chorus 1:]
In a moment of glorious surrender
You were broken for all the world to see
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

Freedom found in Your scars
In Your grace my life redeemed
For You chose to take the sinner's crown
As You placed Your crown on me

[Chorus 2:]
In that moment of glorious surrender
Was the moment You broke the chains in me
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath
And in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermath

And I know that You're with me
Yes I know that You're with me here
And I know Your love will light the way

[Chorus 3:]
Now all I have I count it all as loss
But to know You and to carry the cross
Knowing I'm found
In the light of the aftermath

Concerts, Reminders, and Then Some

My ears are ringing in post MindBlowinglyAmazingConcert fashion.

I expect a Hillsong United kick. In fact, it may have already started.

I saw a guy in front of me wearing a 1-1-SIX shirt in front of me there. I smiled as I remembered the last concert I went to and who I was with. :)

And what a way to end a day where I heard "poopoo", "tooting", and was climbed on more times than I wanted to count today. My preschoolers were energetic and full of great one-liners today. Future post material? I think so.

I love, love, loved today.

~"I may not be the best, but I do the best I can." [lead singer of Hillsong United]~

New Normal

12 hour days with school stuff are becoming the norm. And that's not counting lesson plans and such at home.

Now I see why young children believe teachers live at school. We essentially do.

~"Food teddy bears don't talk." [one of the preschoolers today talking about Teddy Grahams]~

Cubbies Cap Connection

To some, a baseball hat. To others, memories.

He only drove the car for a month, if that. I remember getting to take it for a drive around the block when it was brand new. "Don't eat or drink anything in the car," he said. "Okay, I won't." [I still get pangs of guilt now when I do. Sorry, Grandpa.]

The baseball hat was the only sign he'd been there at all in those weeks. I can't say when exactly it appeared in there, but now I wish I could. I long to recall every detail, to say I savored each moment. But, as it usually goes, I didn't. I wasn't anticipating the years when the details would begin to fade, when I would realize with heartache that I couldn't remember, when pictures wouldn't be enough.

What did his smile look like? What did his voice sound like? What did he do when he was voicing his opinions in true Myslinski fashion?

I know he wouldn't care if I took the baseball hat out, but I still can't do it. I can't even bring myself to replace it because it wouldn't be the same. He was a real fan. I'm more of a fan in theory. And a new one would look nice, but it wouldn't be the one he put there.

He believed in his Chicago teams (but not the White Sox), hot dogs without ketchup. He believed in hard work. Most of all, he believed in love. And love he did to the fullest: his grandchildren, his children, and especially his wife. Family came first, no matter what.

The hat's been in there for 6 years, just a few weeks longer than we've been without him. People have tried to move it and the wind's tried to take it, but I always make sure it makes it back to its home in the back windshield. The number one rule in my car: Don't touch my Cubbies hat.

Some people carry around those they've loved and lost in their memories. I carry my grandpa around in my heart and mind...and in a baseball hat. To some it's just a hat, but to me, it's a reminder of all my grandpa stood for and taught us. It's a reminder to make him proud.

~"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." [-Unknown]~

Remembering

"It's always this time of year when my thoughts undo me."
["Bells of New York City" - Josh Groban]