I didn't know my heart was this capable of missing someone so much.

4 years.

"There's no crying in baseball!" It's a good thing I don't play because I couldn't stop the tears completely today.

"It's a myth that people experience grief for a certain amount of time and then they're over it. Our culture assumes grief should be over in a year, so people may think they're going crazy if they cant 'wrap it up' by then." (- Sandy, the grief support group counselor in the book Good Grief by Lolly Winston...)

I sometimes pretend to be tougher than I am when the truth is that 4 years just makes you better at forgetting how much you miss them.

Losing touch and touching lives.

Sooo here's a random thought I've been pondering for a while: It seems that one of the main reasons people lose touch with people they really care about is because of good intentions. Think about it. How many times have you put off calling somebody you haven't talked to in a while because you wanted a large block of time to catch up on everything? Well, we're at the point where that huge block of time either never comes or quickly gets filled with other things. Oh, Robert Burns knew what he was talking about ("The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."). Wouldn't it be better just to make a quick phone call here and there so they know you're thinking of them? Perhaps a little card or something? It's hard to find time for any of that sometimes, too, but it's a lot easier than waiting for a block of time.

On an unrelated note, I start teaching in about 2 weeks. One of my classes requires a lab where we team teach a unit in science or social studies. I'm really looking forward to it (in between the times my brain is running through all of the worst case scenarios of this blowing up in my face and my stomach is in knots!) because my partner seems pretty cool and easy-going, and we're in a first grade room doing a social studies unit on natural resources. Our cooperating teacher is going to be a huge help -- she offered to help us find books to use and provide some materials, etc. I've been learning a lot of cool things to use in a classroom in terms of activities, management tips, and the like, so it'll be great to get to try them out! It is kind of overwhelming having no idea where to start with lesson planning and such, but that's what this is all about. It's essentially a low dosage of what student teaching will be like. (Oh, student teaching...such a terrifying phrase...this time in 2 years I will be in some random place in the country...I don't even know where...probably all alone...yikes!!!)

Oy, this time next week I'll be home. =o)

Happy weekending!

~"There's always some reason to feel not good enough, and it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction, oh, a beautiful release...maybe you'll find some peace tonight in the arms of the angel. " ["Angel" - Sarah McLachlin...my favorite song of hers, and definitely in my top 5 favorite songs of all time]~

Beautiful love.

I was doing a bit of poking around online earlier (it is, after all, that time of the school year when motivation is hard to come by), and I came across a quote that I just had to write down right away.

"The key to being beautiful is always to be looking at someone who loves you, really." [-Julia Roberts]

Whether you are looking toward a family member, a close friend, a significant other, or our absolutely amazing and glorious God, realize that there is always somebody loving you. Take that love and relish it, reflect it. Don't be afraid to let yourself be loved, even if you don't feel like you deserve that love. One of the most beautiful parts of love is how freely it can be given to anyone. It is a choice. It is a gift. It is a blessing.

Hitting the Breaks.

No, that's not a typo in the title for anyone itching to point it out to me with my grammarian tendencies. It's simply a play on words; puns are becoming increasingly more common coming from me lately due to some influence from a certain someone...*smiles*

Anyways, I never thought I'd make it through that semester. It was the best semester of college by far for many, many reasons, but it was also very trying and stressful. It sometimes was overwhelming, but thankfully there were people to help me until I found my way again. I am walking out of this semester feeling stronger than I have in a while. What's more is that I feel like a whole person again because I'm truly content with where I am at this point.

It's been really nice to sit back and relax during break, and to have a great Christmas. I've really been enjoying having a full 5 days without any work and without any homework...I've been free to stay up ridiculously late and sleep until noon, stay in pajamas all day, and watch a ridiculous amount of Gilmore Girls with Mom. It helps that there has been ridiculous fog over the past two days; it kind of deters you from going out more than what's truly necessary when you can't even see the end of your driveway. I've also gotten to see Valkyrie and Yes Man...I'd recommend waiting to rent the first, but I strongly suggest seeing the second...especially if you have a wonderful twin to go with, haha! I've also read the first two books in the Twilight series, and although they were decent, my life would still be complete if I didn't get to read the remainder of the series.

At the beginning of this break I realized just how worn out I was after this semester. My goal for next semester is still to have as much fun as possible and kick total butt in terms of classes, but I also need to work on taking care of myself better. Someday I'll master that...

~"Shoot for the moon, for even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars." [Les Brown]~

Random, I know...

Doesn't it scare you sometimes the extreme potential the mind -- particularly the writer's mind -- has to come up with in terms of warped ideas?

Christmas season at last!

We last left our heroine amidst many papers, a new relationship, and some conflicts needing resolution. Where is she now, you ask. Stay tuned to find out...

Thanksgiving break flew by way too quickly, of course. There was some work, lots of family time, got to see some friends, got a bit of homework done, some reading for fun, and got to do some shopping and cooking. Oh, and I got to see Twilight, which I enjoyed. I can hardly wait to read the book over Christmas break. The week kind of ended on a low note, but getting back to school was a definite plus...especially with the weather that delayed many people from getting back on time. I was lucky to fly out when I did.

Things have been crazy with it being the last few weeks of the semester, and not just from the work. I've been trying to figure things out with getting an advisor and registering for classes and that kinda stuff. Let me tell ya...if you decide to transfer schools, do it before midterm. The more time you have to work with that stuff, the better.

I also am starting the path towards adult instruction and baptism. I've talked to the campus pastor, and we're going to get things going on that. That's been on my heart for a while, so being on that path is extremely exciting for me! I literally was bouncing in my chair when I was talking to the pastor. He's like, "Do you always bounce like that?" Why yes, yes I do...especially when I am geeked about something.

Speaking of being geeked, I am a very blessed and very happy girl. My boyfriend is amazing...he definitely exceeds my dreams and what I dared to hope for. He is funny, sweet, compassionate, spontaneous, intellectual, and (most importantly) a man of faith. We mesh crazy-well, and our relationship has not ceased to grow every single day. He is my friend, my accountability partner, my complementary, and my supporter; I strive to be all of these things to him. I am thankful for every single day with him. We can just talk for hours together, and it doesn't get boring. I can now look back on all of the times I cried over a guy and the pain he caused, the times things didn't work out like I thought they should, the times where I was caught up in the wrong motives and suffered due to poor judgment, the flings, and the loneliness of being single, and I know that it has brought me an appreciation for what we have, and especially for this amazing guy. =o)

Hang in there for the rest of the semester, guys. We've been through it plenty of times now that we know the drill, but we still tend to stress more than we should. Make sure you're taking time for relaxing and doing things to keep yourself sane right now!

By the way, Christmas time is my favorite time of year...I am so happy it's finally here!

~"I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose, clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose..." ["I Will Remember You" - Sarah McLachlan]~