I have to preface this piece. This kept me awake for a few nights until I finally wrote it down. It's still raw (minimal editing has been done). Forgive some of the roughness. Feel free to share suggestions.
How do I begin to frame these emotions in words? There’s no real way to eloquently capture the meaning that you have put into my life.
[The places and the faces – there ceases to be a point where the influences of each end or begin.]
I want to be selfish and keep you with me. Sometimes memories aren’t enough to compensate for being apart. Other times they help me keep pushing onward, challenging myself.
Time slips away, even the time I do take to spend with you and cherish what’s there. And time sneaks off with words, the ones that got lost in the moment, ones left unsaid while unpremeditated ones replaced them.
[I curse time for that thievery.]
We can pretend it’s not goodbye, but that’s a lie. It will never be this again. We’ll never fit the same way again. You’ll never be home, comfort, mine again. I’ll be just another visitor to you. And you won’t recognize me. We’ll see each other with the eyes that come with separation: curiosity, trepidation, self-consciousness.
Someday we’ll pretend like we never meant anything to one another, like you never impacted me, I never had a place in you. We’ll be strangers. And strangers we shall stay. Time won’t have it any other way.
[And that’s a form of tragedy.]
But I will carry these memories, these lessons with me. They’ve settled into my heart and mind, making me who I am today. I couldn’t forget them if I tried. I’ll pull them out when I need them again, when I’m looking back on the paths I’ve taken to get to where I am.
[Memories are ours to keep.]
~"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good." ["Because I Knew You" - the Wicked soundtrack]~
1 comment:
I was just reading some of the past few posts you made, and I'm so proud of you.
I remember you leaving for CUC, being terrified about being away from your family. But now you have come full circle and are off to live on your own! A quote you mentioned before really hit me "Although I'll miss this place, it's not as scary to leave." (or something like that, I don't have the exact quote!) It really has shown me how much you've grown up! (How much we've grown up...)
You're gonna do awesome on your road ahead, even if it is a little scary at first (I know I'm a little scared about what happens next...). Remember that. And I'll always be there, with a letter or a card to encourage you! (You'd better tell me your new address!!:P )
I love you, dear!
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