The Time's to Come

I can't believe my time in Texas is almost over. It's been great living here. We'll see what I say after it's 91 degrees tomorrow (and it's already feeling SO humid to me, but I think they'd laugh at me if I tried to say that).

And yet...I'm ready to go home. So ready. Back to where I can just be me, where that's completely enough.

I've been thinking of how independent I've had to be this semester, how much I've had to do alone. I'm this weird mix of introvert and extrovert. I need time alone, really desperately need solitude sometimes, but I also just as desperately need anything BUT solitude sometimes. There are times where I just want to BE with somebody even if we don't do anything or talk because it's just comfortable not being alone.

And yet here I am facing so much that I'll have to do alone. So much time I'll have alone. There will be times where I really relish it, but there will be times where I loathe it, too. Phone calls, text messages, and even Skype just don't replace physical presence. They help, sure, but sometimes they hurt more than they help but reminding just how out of reach somebody is.

I'm thankful to be moving to a place where I know a few people, but I know it'll still be hard at times.

I'm looking forward to the long car ride back up to Nebraska, though, from here. I'm thinking about taking a different route on the way home that would take me up toward NW Texas. There's a site I want to see up that-a-way (future post...), and it would allow me to see more of Texas -- seeing as how I haven't really gotten out of Houston at all. It bums me out that I will be going solo, but there's also something oddly right about it.

Like a rite of passage or something.

A time for meditation about what's happened this semester, this school year, and about the adventures in the future.

Time to sort myself out.

Time to sort my life out.

I'm nearly bursting at the seams with things I've been tucking away to think about later, things that I need to ponder uninterruptedly, that involve facing truths and emotions I don't know are there yet.

Because there are some things I need to figure out. Worries that I need to give up. And there are things that need to change. I'm not sure what all that entails yet, but the answers will come in time.

15 hours should be enough, right?

~"It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so." [-William Shakespeare]~